My window is all frosted, like a forest of evergreens,Yards are decorated with lights and manger scenes,

And the fireplace is glowing, from a Yule log set ablaze,While shoppers scurry around like mice, running through a maze,

The snow is clinging on the trees, a winter wonderland,

All the snowbirds have flown south, for Christmas in the sand,

But I love the winter season, hanging stockings filled with toys,

Cuddling with my Christmas Angel, is my fondest Christmas joy. My Christmas Angel loves me, I really don't know why, She's gentle, kind and lovely, I'm an ordinary guy, My Christmas Angel loves me, It's a miracle you see, She's more beautiful than the angel, atop the Christmas tree. The Christmas tree has ornaments from Christmases long past, Some are carved from wood, others made from shining glass,

But my favorites are the simple ones, made by our kids at school, That my Christmas Angel saved for us, each one a precious jewel.

Watching Hallmark Christmas movies, each one a happy ending, And How The Grinch Stole Christmas, the good message it is sending,

It's A Wonderful Life is a Christmas must, although parts of it are painful, But it truly is a wonderful life, living with my Christmas Angel.

 We are the butt of your jokes, we are the Space Force, we're no hoax,

Your tax money, we don't waste, we fight bad guys in outer space!

If this tune sounds real funny, well it came from 1920,

So lift your heads, and join this chorus, sing praise to the new Space Forus!!! 

Asian Carpnado 2 .... The Copi Chronicles

Actual replay of last scene of Asian Carpnado, with Greg and Ed looking out of the window at the aftermath and commenting on the Mayan prophesy and ....

Switch to new movie ... Dan walks up behind them with the cardboard carp under his arm...

Dan - Hey guys!! 

Greg and stand in for Ed, since he has retired, freak out!!! 

Greg - "Dan!! Why aren't you dead? You needed to be dead for the Mayan prophesy to have been fulfilled!!! "

Dan - (Whispering) - "This is where I'm way smarter than I look, partner. I just PRETENDED to be dead, the moron Mayan gods fell for my ploy, and cancelled the Asian Carpnado!!" 

Greg - Do you think messing with Mayan gods is wise, buddy? 

Dan - No probleemo, Greg! Did I ever tell you I grew up on the mean streets of Chi-town! My Uncle Guido used to say (in Italian accent) "Danny boy," he always called me Danny boy, "Mayan gods not-a gonna mess-a with a gooda fella!

Greg - "I seriously hope you're right, Kemosabe! By the way, it's not Asian Carp anymore."

Dan - "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

Greg - "The state of Illinois has declared that the infamous Asian Carp will now be referred to as Copi."

Dan - "Copi? Copi?!! Why Copi?!! That's dopey!!"

Greg - "I don't know why, Danny!! This is not the Copi Details Show!!" 

Dan - "Will there be a state holiday, or festival...like Copi Days?"

Greg - "I DON'T KNOW, Mr. Diablo, they didn't tell me!!!"

Dan - "Who came up with the idea to change the name? I liked the Asian Carp name!"

Greg - "DO I LOOK LIKE CAPTAIN COPI?!!! You keep asking all these questions, that I have no answers for, compadre!!"

Dan - "Sorry, Greg. Do you think the Asian Carp Society will oppose this renaming?!!! 

Greg - "You mean the A.C.S.? I HAVE NO IDEA! By the way, do you know what's better than eating Copi, traveling just a few miles to Bradford to eat at ....

Change of scene...Tribal meeting of ancient Mayan gods in a smoky atmosphere...Mayan gods have feather headdresses...

Itzamna (creator god) - "Hey, Yum Kaax, what is the status on the world wide plague?"

Yum Kaax (nature god) - "Excellent, Itzamna! We taught the mortals a good lesson, alright!"

Itzamna - "Great? What did we teach them, Yum Kaax?"

Yum Kaax - "Well, uh, we taught them, um, that's a good question, Great Creator!"

Itzamna - "Good grief. Okay, what's the status  with the Asian Carpnado, skeezix?"

Yum Kaax - "Awesome, Majestic One, a lot of indiscriminate destruction, and the sacrifice of a goodfella, Dan Diorio!! Thus, the Asian Carpnado was cancelled!!"

Itzamna - "Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, Yum Kaax!!! Dan Diorio did NOT die!!! He was only faking his death, and you, stupidly, fell for his ploy, numbskull!!!" 

Yum Kaax - "How did you know that and I didn't!"

Itzamna - Duh!! I'm the CRE-A-TOR? Nothin' slips past me, Yum Kaax!!"

Yum Kaax - (gulp) "So then you know about the..."

Itzamna - "Yes, and you need to put it back!"

Yum Kaax - "And when I..."

Itzamna - "Of course, and you didn't even wash your hands afterward!"

Yum Kaax - "I beg your forgiveness oh, Beauteous One, should I send another Asian Carpnado?!"

Itzumna - "You idiot! You will NOT send another Asian Carpnado!! This time you will be sending something much more destructive and devastating!!! A (dum, dum, dum sound ) Copi- nado!!!!"

Yum Kaax - "But, I mean, isn't that the same as an Asian..."

Itzumna - "Silence, Yum Kaax!! This one will be different, because, uh, let me see, it will be approved by the state of Illinois, since the name is politically correct!"

Yum Kaax - "Ho-kay, I think I get it, but how will it stop, oh, Merciful One!"

Itzumna - "Ha ha ha!!!! Stop? It will NEVER stop, because the only way it could POSSIBLY end is if Greg and Dan hug each other in the middle of Fulton Plaza, in front of a sizable crowd!!! And dat ain't never gonna happen, Yum Kaax!!! Oh, I am so bad!! Ha ha ha ha, haaaaaa!!!!"

Scene change to Greg and Dan watching movie and talking...

Dan - "Do you think this sequel is as good as the original, Greg? Is that a bat flying around?"

Greg - "Let's face it, brother. Sequels are NEVER as good as the original, and yes, that's a bat!"

Dan - "Maybe we shouda done it in 3D and found an A-lister like Ray Liotta, to spice it up a bit."

Greg - Ray Liotta would have been great, but he's not available anymore, if you know what I mean."

Dan - "That's why I said an A-lister LIKE Ray Liotta."

Greg - "Who's as great as Ray Liotta, Danny?"

Dan - "Well, how about, Ray Romano?"

Greg - "Ray Romano? Do you think Ray Romano is an A-lister?"

Dan - "No. Okay, what about, Brad Garrett or Peter Boyle?" 

Greg - "Peter Boyle is gone, Little Tommy, and you seem to think the whole cast of E.L.R. are A-listers."

Dan - "E.L.R.?"

Greg - "Everybody Loves Raymond! Next you'll suggest Patricia Heaton!"

Dan - "Do you think she would have been available? She coulda been a screamer! A classic movie like this needs a good screamer!"

(clip of screaming woman)

Greg - "Or maybe she could play the sexy Virgin Copi Princess, sent to make the movie PG, because everyone knows a PG rated movie is more popular than a G rated."

Dan - "Are these chocolate nuggets in my popcorn, Greg? They really have a choco-nutty taste!"

Greg - "Let's see. (Greg tastes them) Uh, remember that bat flying around here a few minutes ago? This is his guano, buddy. 

Dan - "Spit, spit, hack, cough, gag...

Scene change to Bradley professor talking to students...

Professor Lipshitz - "So as we re-analyze the natural origins of the Asian Carpnado..."

Student 1 - Professor Lipshitz, it's COPI-nado!!" 

Professor Lipshitz - "Very well, COPI-nado. We find the Mayan curse myth is nothing but a, um, MYTH! Pure science now shows that when you consider wind direction, isobars, cold fronts, manifest destiny, Minions, barometric pressure, guano particles, and tiny shiny items in the atmosphere, the super destructive Asian, I mean, COPI-nado is nothing more than a freak of nature, like Marty Wombacher! 

Student 1 - (Looking out the window) Holy carp!!! 

(CGI of whirling, swirling, COPI-NADO)

(Scene change to news room with excited newsgirl, Jules)

Jules - We have numerous reports of a whirling, swirling mass of fish that smells worse than rotten tomatoes! An apparent tornado sucked up the Copi from the Illinois River, and the razor sharp fins of the fish are cutting through Peoria like a Ginsu knife through hot butta! One report is of a Bradley student, Bob, who had his fillings knocked out by the tremendous force of the Copi-nado! He said, "man, like, it hit me so hard my brain felt like mashed potatoes." 

Scene change to Fulton Plaza

(Greg and Dan, with innocent bystanders, cowering from great COPI-NADO)

Greg - "Danny!!! I told you it wasn't nice to fool Mother Nature!!!"

Dan - "No, you said, " Do you think messing with Mayan gods is wise, buddy?"

Greg - "Okay, but either way we are royally screwed, Diablo!!"  What do you think we should do in these last moments of existence, my faithful friend?" 

Dan - "Let's don our shorty robes, Big Guy!! 

Greg - "Good idea!

(Greg and Dan remove their clothing and reveal shorty robes, underneath everything)

Dan - "Now what?"

Greg - "We need food and adult beverages, and there just so happens to be an abandoned charcuterie board right here, and a cooler full of libations!"

Dan - "I just want some snacks and booze before we "go!" 

Greg - "Never mind...just eat, drink and be merry for today we cease to exist!"

Dan - "I'm pretty open minded, Greg, but I won't be Mary for nobody! I don't go for that, no can do!"

Greg - "What?"

Dan - "What?"

Greg - "What in the heck are you talking about, Danny?!"

Dan - "What?"

Greg - "However, we need to do something that we've never really done before, my dear friend!" 

Dan - "What you talkin' 'bout?" 

Greg - "We need to give each other a big hug before we're ripped to shreds from this COPI-nado!!!"

(Greg and Dan stand two feet apart and stare lovingly at each other.)

A Time For Us music begins to play and after what seems to be a century, they hold out their arms and say...

Greg and Dan - NO WAY!!!! 

The Copi-nado swoops in and carries them away!!! 

Will we ever see Greg and Dan again?

What do you think?

 

 Some say he is a genius, Fred The Horse,

Others say he came from Venus, Fred The Horse,

He's not a nag who sits on the fence,

'Cause he has a lot of horse sense,

And his words he'll never mince,

He's Fred The Horse! 

At 61 you're wiser, than when you were sixteen, 

And you are my health advisor, 'cause I don't know what things mean, 

And Donna, you take care of me, and make me feel so warm,

 It's your birthday, I love you babe, you have the sweetest charm, 

At times we've had a little, but now we have a lot,

No, maybe not material things, but our LOVE is what we've got,

However, the most important thing, and money it is NOT,

Even at 61, you still are BLAZIN' HOT!!!!! 

 

Donna Dancing In The Rain

Storms are raging in my life, rain and hail and thunder, 

With water rising to my chin, 'till I think I'm going under,

The doctors all have bad news, and when I think I'll go insane,

I see outside the window, Donna Dancing In The Rain.

Is this imagination?  How could this sight be real?

Is it my minds creation, to fool the way I feel, 

Seeing is believing, is this vision in my brain,

No, I'm sure I see now, Donna Dancing In The Rain!

We used to run between the raindrops, afraid of getting wet,

Doing things so fearfully, avoiding all regret,

 Now my love has shown me, how to smile through all the pain,

I'll go out there and whirl with Donna Dancing In The Rain.

When I first saw my Donna, the love was at first sight,

The time has flown so quickly, just like overnight,

And who knows when the time will come, we catch that heaven bound train, 

 I always will remember, Donna Dancing In The Rain! 

 

No Mo Snow - Brief Follow Up

Okay, gang! Yesterday I was opining, uh, maybe whining about if God would help me do the snow covered driveway.

What miracle would he use, so I didn't have to break my weak back shoveling. 

When did I get my weak back, you ask? Oh, about a week back! 

  Did He wake me up in Phoenix? No. 

Did He send those two angels again?  No.

Did He change the forecast? No. 

Did He give me Herculean or Sampson-like strength? No.

Then wah happen'? 

God blessed me with, Donna!

She came out and did half of the work, even though she's a girl! 

Being very olde school, I would NEVER let a girl do half my work, but God moved my heart into making an exception in my advanced years of olde age, and she did a GREAT JOB!!!

That's cool and everything, but mowing is O.U.T.! Mowing is a man's work...at least it was in 1955, where most of my brain remains. 

No Mo Snow!! 

There are a few indivisibles that love snow! (Indivisibles?) Like my misguided friend, Terri!  Lol!

 Anywho, most of us either hate it, or grudgingly tolerate the "cold, white death," as I prefer to call it. 

This morning the weather gods are calling for 6 to nine inches of the CWD!!! 

Last tom (Tom who?), two total strangers cleared our driveway for us, but I cannot expect God to bless us again like that! That would be expecting way too much!!

God has a LOT more pressing circumstances than our stupid driveway! 

However, it won't hurt to pray about it. Maybe the snow prediction will be in error. Instead of 6 to 9 inches, it will be only 1 to 2 inches. I can handle that!

Maybe the snow will miss us all together! Or maybe I'm only dreaming of the snowstorm and when I wake up I'm actually living in Phoenix Arizona, and it's 85 degrees!

Now, my back surgery is about healed, so if worst comes to worst, I can PUSH the snow off the drive, but not LIFT the snow off the drive and re-traumatize my sensitive wittle back. 

Wait a sec! Maybe God will strengthen my sensitive wittle back, like he did with Hercules, or was that Sampson...either way, I'll be made more powerful and oblivious to pain, so as to conquer the "cold, white death!

Through God, all things are possible, right?

Okay, then here's the plan, I'll sit here and pray, and wait for those two "angels" to return and do our driveway, or for the prediction to be in error, or to wake up in Arizona, or for God to turn me into a Hercules or Sampson!!

See, I'm full of....options!! 

 

The First Thing To Go Is...I Forgot! 

So many readers, so little brain power to write brilliant blogs with a boisterous, but benevolent buffet of bull! 

Hi! Just funnin' wit ya, folks! When it comes to brain power...I'm full of it! 

Only problem is I do NOT remember important things like doctor appointments, if I took my pills, special birthdays, where I left my car and things like that! 

However, I remember silly, nonsense things, like names of movie stars from the 1930's, cartoon characters of the 1950's, how to recite the Crest toothpaste ad from the 1960's, John Wayne's real name, Roy Roger's real name, the name of Tonto's horse and totally trivial things like that! 

It's okay for playing a good game of Trivial Pursuit, but who does that anymore! (By the way, my sister Dee-Dee is way better than me)

Dee-Dee is right behind me, in foreground.
See how smart she looks!

If I remembered REAL stuff in the same way I remember ridiculous stuff, I'd be graduated from M.I.T.! The only M.I.T. I'll ever graduate from is Monsters Inc. Training school! 

What do you mean, you don't believe I can remember all that bizarre stuff from years past? 

Well, I'd do it, but you'd only think I googled the answers, right? 

Let's just say, Leonard Slye, and be done with it! 

It's all illustrated by my last visit to the doc. I told him that I've been having trouble remembering things. He said, "how long have you had this problem," and I said, "what problem!"

I'm here all week folks! Try the boisterous buffet!

Out  Of  This World Wednesday

We join our great, Glirkazoid friends, Gary and Rosie, as they await instructions from the High Leader, since they've decided to return to cosmic crime fighting, out of sheer boredom.  

Gary - "Chihuahua, Rosie, I can hardly wait until the High Leader communicates with us and reveals our new mission! I've got dat ole adventure seeking blood, bubbling in my veins, girl!"

Rosie - "Maybe those Tyrillian Tacos you ate last night has something to do with your bubbling blood, buddy."

Gary - "Possibly, but aren't you excited about getting back to evil creature crushing, menacing, mutant  monster mauling, and saving pitiful planets in peril?!!"

Rosie - "Sure I am, my gruesome, Glirkazoid, little giant, but we are gonna be a bit rusty from vacationing for so long, and you know that even the slightest misstep and we become a monster's meal!"

Mascot of Canton High School
The Little Giants

Gary - "I don't know about you, Rosie Posey, but I haven't lost a step. I'm as agile as a Loopoozirillian Lizard, running through the Vines Of Vertuum!"

Rosie - "Okay? Uh, why don't we have a pre-mission training excercise to see if we are still in tip top shape for dueling Dzarfulliam Dinos and such."

Gary - "Great idea, my Glirkazoidian genius! Let's run the infamous, terrible, tropical course, to see what we can do! I'll race you there, Rosie!!!"

6 spaze hours later we see Rosie waiting at the starting point of the tropical course, and Gary is FINALLY getting there, huffing and puffing like a Capultizzal Cat in pursuit of a pluggle mouse!"

This Capultizzal Cat is cheating.

Rosie - "Hey, slow poke, I've been waiting here for 5.9 spaze hours, what took you so long?"

Gary - "I, whoo, whoo (gasping for air), guess, whoo, whoo, I'm not, whoo, whoo, as in shape, whoo whoo, as I thought, whoo, whoo!!"

At that precise moment, someone communicates with our Glirkazoid guy and gal through their little communicator contraptions! 

Caller - "Hello! Has your spazeship warranty expired? It's important that you make sure you...

Gary and Rosie both cut the call off!

Gary - "Gee willikers, those calls drive me nuts, Rosie! Why don't they go out and find a real job, instead of..."

At that, another call buzzes in!

Gary - "Listen, moron, you are a big numbskull, calling us when we really... Oh, umm, hello High Leader! Uh, well, NO, I don't think you're a moron, it's a misunderstanding, I mean, NO, you're not a numbskull either, I ..."

High Leader - "Hey, dude and dudette, everything's cool. I'm just callin' you to tell you about the groovy, trippy trip, mission that you're gonna dig, brother and sister!" 

Rosie - (whispering to Gary), I think I know why they call him the HIGH leader."

What will be the exciting trippy trip the HIGH Leader gives to Gary and Rosie, that they will dig to the utmost, you right on readers?

Find out on the next...

Why Am I Doin' This?

If you've been a reader of the blog for many moons,you know why I do this blog,

 write songs, do little bits on the radio and pretty

 much make a fool of myself, don't you?

1. It keeps my A B Normal brain active.

2. It keeps me off the mean streets of Pekin, Illinois.

3. (Most important) In hopes I'll be discovered!

Yes, I know, I'm incredibly old and feeble, but I STILL have hopes that one day, some way, somehow, a music producer will hear one of my songs and like it, a comedy person will hear my wacky stuff on the radio and love it, or, well, out of all of those 74, 000 folks that have viewed my blog, SOMEBODY will appreciate SOMETHING, and SOMEHOW I'll make 10 million bucks!

Yes! It CAN HAPPEN, if I truly believe in Tinkerbell, click my heels together, or find a magic lamp to rub!

Picture this...Ray Liotta has come to Pekin to visit his wife's relatives. He inadvertently is listening to the Greg And Dan Radio Show and hears one of my comedy bits, or songs...especially this one...

And absolutely LOVES whatever he hears, calls me, hooks me up with a big music publisher, like Sony or something, and soon I'm rollin' in the dough!!

Follow the money folks! 

I know you think I do this weird stuff out of the goodness of my pea pickin' heart, but I'm really in it for the pazoozas!! 

Where was I? Oh, yeah, it's all about me again! 

Shoot fire, I promised I wouldn't make this blog about me, me, ME, anymore!

Okay, how's about this ..when I'm discovered, I'll give all of my faithful readers and YouTube friends a sum of cash!! Yeah, that's the ticket...moolah for everyone!!! 

How much? Well, more than I've ever given you before!! 

Have a wonderful Tuesday, especially this afternoon!