My Dance Of Euphoria In Peoria - Exquisite Dancing By Danny

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

Being the super humble dude I am, I do my level best to avoid bragging about all of my amazing talents that would blow your cock-a-doodie minds if you knew what they all were.

However, in the interest of culture, and suave sophistication, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

I am a master of modern, expressive, progressive, avant garde, jungle boogie dance!

I was taught by two of the greatest dancers in the history of tripping the light fantastic!

Namely, Ferd Upstairs and Jeans 
Smelly.

They were janitors that worked in my apartment building, but my they were dancin' fools!

Let's forget about those "light in the loafer's" "gophers," and concentrate on ME! 

Critics have claimed that these were "gay" gophers...I think not!

Most folks would never believe that an old fat guy like me could "skip the light fandango" so marvelously!

One of my favorite songs of all tom!

I was inspired to perform this classic, emotional dance number by two of my favorite YouTube friends!

Yozzie from Yoz Creative, and Tulleuchen, who is in reality, Dan Tulloh. 

Ye best prepare yourself for dancing unlike you have never seen before, in all of your born days!

Oh, yeah, I also wrote the fantabulous song!

(And everyone says I'm so dumb)

BEHOLD! THE PUREST FORM OF EXPRESSION!

DANCING!

NO ONE COMMENTS ON MY BLOG ANY MO!

OH, I USED TO GET COMMENTS ON MY BLOG,

BUT I DON'T GET DEM ANY MO,

I MAY BE A BIG FAT SLOB,

BUT THAT'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO WALK OUT THE DOOR,

YES, I MADE A FEW BAD COMMENTS ABOUT OBAMA,

BUT I DIDN'T MAKE EM ABOUT YO MAMA,

SOMETIMES I'M DOWNRIGHT SILLY,

BUT I DON'T SMOKE POT LIKE WILLY,

COULD IT BE ME UGLY FACE THAT KEEPS YOU FROM SHARING?

IT'S BEEN SAID I LOOK LIKE A PICKLED HERRING,

OR CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER WHEN HE'S MIFFED,

A HERRING...KRAUTHAMMER...WHAT'S THE DIFF?

I NEED SOME INPUT LIKE NUMBER 5,

THE INPUT KEPT THAT LITTLE ROBOT ALIVE,

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO STOP MY WORM PLAY,

BUT MY WRITTEN WORMS I THINK HAVE HAD THEIR HEYDAY.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF EVERYDAY YOU CREATED A BLOG POST AND NOBODY CAME TO PLAY,

YOU TRIED TO MAKE FOLKS LAUGH OR MAKE THEM THINK,

BUT GETTING NO COMMENTS MAKE ME FEEL I STINK,

WELL, I GUESS I DO, IT'S GETTING CLEARER,

I WAS HOPING MY BLOG MIGHT BRING YOU NEARER,

AND MOVE YOUR HEARTS TO DROP A LINE,

IT MAKES ME SAD, BUT IT'S ALL GOOD AND FINE,

I'LL WRITE MY BLOG FOR POSTERITY SAKE,

AND EVEN THOUGH MY HEART DOTH BREAK,

I'LL KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON FOR A FEW LIKE YELLOW ROSE, AND DENISE, TOO,

AND OTHERS WHO JUST CAN'T EXPRESS IN WORDS WHAT'S IN THEIR BEATING CHEST,

SO HERE TODAY I OFFER YOU ANOTHER CHANCE TO SAY, I LOVE YOU, ANOTHER TIME TO SAY IT'S COOL, ANOTHER OPP TO SAY, DANNY, YOU'RE JUST A FOOL!

BURMA SHAVE

Bug Fan I Am!

Fan Friday

I am a big fan of bugs!

I think my favorite is the little "pill bug." 

Armadillium -Vulgare

I called them armadillo bugs when I was a kid...

because I thought they looked like armadillos. 

I loved playing with them, because they would roll up into a little ball, as a defense mechanism, when I messed with them, and I could roll them around.

I never hurt them. They were WAY too cool, and cute! 

I was both terrified and fascinated by the Praying Mantis bug when I was a tot. (I guess I still am, a bit)

They look like the "Alien" creature in the movie "Alien."

They can swivel their horrible head around, catch an unsuspecting insect, and eat him, raw! Ewwww!

Praying Manticus-Grossicus

I also liked the fact that my name sounded a lot like Mantis! Mantis...Maness...Mantis...Maness...See?

The St. Louis Cardinal's baseball pitcher with the same exact spelling of his last name, pronounces it wrong! He pronounces it May-ness, when it should be pronounced Man-ness, man, man, man...not may...may...may! The silly goose!

I lost my train of thought. Maybe I just got off track. 

Uh, let's see, BUGS...that's the ticket, BUGS!

I'm not saying I love cockroaches, but I respect and admire them.

I guess they've been around for about a billion years, give or take a few million, and scientists say they would probably survive a nuclear attack! 

That's pretty tough!

I need to tell you my favorite, and most uncomfortable cockroach story!

I was an Orkin Man for a while.

Now you're probably thinking, how could you love bugs and be an Orkin Man? Hmm?

I needed the money!

Anyway, we went into a food establishment in the middle of the night to "fog" the place for cockroaches.

What food establishment?

I'm not gonna tell you, but it's initials rhyme with Jay-Teff-B. 

So, we put on our gas masks, turn on the fogger in the kitchen area, and watch what happens.

Warning this next part may be too terrifying for children and buggaphobes, so be forewarned to the maximum degree!

After about 10 minutes we begin to see a couple of "German cockroaches"...

 (you know, with those little German helmets that had the spike on top...just kidding) 

They slowly start crawling out from cracks and crevices all over the kitchen.

They creep out from under boxes, from behind the baseboard, from cracks in the floor, the spaces between the ovens and cabinets.

First one, then two, ten, twenty, 100, 500...from floor level, and then they begin crawling up the walls... by the hundreds!

This was starting to get a little unsettling, but it was not totally horrifying until they started creeping across the ceiling, and then dropping down on US!!

We had on our jump suits, gas masks, helmets (not the ones with the spikes), but it was still frightening to think some of them might be crawling down the back of my neck!! EWWWW!

I took one of the longest showers I've ever taken, after that unforgettable, traumatic experience!!

I hope this story didn't bug you! 

HAPPY 4TH 4 EVER!

SPECIAL 4TH OF JULY EDITION

Firecracker, firecracker, boom, boom, boom.

They've been shooting off firecrackers here since June!

They goin' to the fireworks show on the river,

Gonna drink enough booze to destroy their liver!

Fixin' up a barbecue picnic for 20,

If they don't chip in, it won't be funny!

Chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco spit,

I think that's about as gross as you can get!

Shootin' off a bottle rocket from a bottle glass,

Watch that it don't fly up your...

Ask me now no questions, 

Tell me now no lies, 

Now you gonna get a big surprise...

This day is not for drinkin',

 and gettin' super "high",

We celebrate our freedom,

On this 4th of July!

GLIRKAZOID GUTS!

OUT OF THE WORLD WEDNESDAY

Being called before the Supreme Glirkheads was not what Gary was expecting at zixxy clock in the morgatronn.

From many past encounters with them, he knew it could only be one of two things, he was in trouble, or they wanted something.

He racked his brain trying to think of what may have gotten him into trouble this time.

Could it have been that incident on Glyz, where he flew his "zoomer" into the Harem of Hoojees by accident?

The maidens didn't seem to mind, but Hoojees had a bruised sense of propriety.

Or was it last Gliday, when he caused a slight ruckus at the Glirkazoid History Museum, by standing on an antique "Truckazon" table and singing The Sweet Hot Hoochiecoo at the top of his lungs.

Gary pondered what it might be, as he walked into the sacred courtyard of Gi-
Gaalon, where the Supreme Glirkheads have held court, made decisions for the peace and security of the planet Glirka, and hosted rock concerts for billions of years.

The unmistakable pillars of Shak that towered over him high into the blue morning sky were still a sight to behold.

The Squares of Poth that played lovely music when he stepped upon each square, as they sprayed the air with perfumed, awe inspiring, multi-colored
lights made Gary's walk to the High Chamber a bit more pleasant.

Gary got a brief cold chill at the back of his "negt" when the entrance to the High Chamber came in view.

It looked like the entrance to a massive cave and had these unforgettable words carved in stone above the opening:

ALL WHO ENTER THE HIGH CHAMBER OF JUSTICE (THAT LOOKS KIND OF LIKE A BIG CAVE), PEACE, ROCK CONCERTS, AND ALL KINDS OF IMPORTANT STUFF, BE MADE KNOWN THAT CHEWING GUM IS PROHIBITED AND NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE!

THANK YOU

HAVE A NICE DAALAZORB

What was gonna happen to Gary the Glirkazoid?

Was he in serious trouble?

Why was this blog post called "Glirkazoid Guts?"

Find out next Wednesday, when you tune in to "Out Of This World Wednesday" for episode 2 of 

Glirkazoid Guts!

Road Rage?

Travelin' Tuesday

Have you experienced road rage directed towards you lately?

On the other hand, have you displayed road rage towards another driver in recent days?

Road rage is nothing more than a temper tantrum.

If things aren't going exactly the way we want , whilst driving our car in this 21st century, in which we are all spoiled brats, we have a conniption fit:

1. conniption fit  

   Web definitions A tantrum is an emotional outburst that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, defiance, angry ranting and a... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conniption_fit There was not as much road rage when I  was a kid. It DID happen, but not with the frequency  that we see today. My theory is that our miserable, dull, dysfunctional lives, the dog pooping  on the carpet, our boss being a big jerk,  realizing you voted for the biggest idiot  in the universe for President, our spouse getting on us about  everything, is  the real reason for road rage...not  because  of a little error in judgement by  another  driver. Have you ever had someone pull out in front of you, and you lay on the horn,  shake your fist, and start cussing at the  driver, only to find out it's the Pastor's  wife? That's kind of embarrassing, ain't it? Back in ancient times, in the 1950's,  folks had to suffer 90 degree plus  temperatures, driving in their cars  with NO air conditioning, sweat  running in their eyes, dirt, dust  and debris coming in the opened  windows, and people  had a lot less road rage in spite of  all the discomfort. All I know is I'm tired of people yelling  at me when I make a minor traffic faux pas  that I wasn't even aware of at the time! That minor bumping of the car in front  of me in the McDonald's drive through  line was not serious enough for that  woman to have such a conniption fit!  (See above)

HE

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

I need to apologize for being so late with Maness Music Monday!

I keep running out of tom, lately!

I didn't want to skip a day because you are the greatest Glirkazoids in the whole wide worm, and I know you couldn't live without My Life Is Only For Laughs blog! HA!

This is a cover of one of my favorite all tom, songs!