TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

AMABO 6

This planet really sucked cosmic wind! 

Why would they send us to such a dry, desolate, God forsaken place in the  remotest part of the universe.

What was even worse, Amabo 6 was doomed to be destroyed by a giant asteroid in just a few days!

Major Cronin understood he was not the most beloved member of the Inter-Galactic Force, after he emulsified the Royal Ambassador of Delkron for trying to eat his personal shuttlecraft, but this was ridiculous!

Cronin's 7 person crew were getting restless, and kept asking about the mission.

"Why are we here?" "Is this a punishment?" "When are we going home?"

The  crew looked up to Cronin, and he didn't have the heart to tell them that he had not been told anything himself!

General Gieselman just smiled, put his hand on Cronin's shoulder, and said, "Bill , the mission will be obvious after you get there," as Cronin boarded the gigantic, silver cargo vessel 11 months ago for Amabo 6.

Obvious?! Obvious?!! Nothing was obvious!! 

They had been there for 3 weeks now, and absolutely nothing had happened, or been discovered, or made a noise, or even moved, except for the asteroid, that moved closer each minute!

This hell hole had no vegetation, no water, no life forms, and no saloons!

A nice, ice cold beer would be perfect right now, Cronin thought to himself, as he shuffled through the hot sand of the pitiful planet.

All of a sudden, Major Cronin hears a slight pop sound, and a bottle of Xanpus beer (Cronin's favorite), pops out of the sand!

Cronin bends over and touches the bottle in amazement...It's ice cold!!

When the thirsty crew see what just happened, they begin thinking about beer, and ice cold bottles of their favorite beers start popping up in the sand!

"Eureka," cries Major Cronin! "We've found it!" 

It was now obvious to Cronin that their mission was to load the massive cargo vessel with beer and bring it back to earth, to end to the "great beer shortage"...this needed to be accomplished before Amabo 6 was destroyed!

So, feverishly, they had to think about beer, the beer would pop out of the sand, and then it had to be quickly loaded on the immense cargo vessel before the asteroid strike!

After toiling for what seemed like forever, but was actually 97 hours and 14 minutes, the vessel was filled with beer.

"Done," Cronin said with pride, but with just minutes to spare.

Everyone was loaded on the vessel.

It would have to be a super light speed take off to avoid the destructive force of the asteroid, and the debris that would be exploding up from the shattered planet of Amabo 6.

There is no way to stop the countdown and launch now...10..9..8..7..

Cronin looks out of the porthole at the doomed planet, and thinks about how proud his deceased Dad would have been right now...

6..5..

At that moment, Cronin sees something coming out of the sand and standing up...

4..3..2..1 BLASTOFF! 

It is his Father!!

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

My friend, Ryan Aurand, taught me this song many years ago.

Ryan passed away last year, but he had told me this song was written by an English teacher he had met in Virginia named Jim Farrow or Jim Farrell...I can't remember after over 40 years.

So Jim, if you're out there, I think this is one of the most amazing songs I've ever heard, and I do not want to infringe on your absolute rights to this fantastic song!

I hope you like my simple rendition of this wonderful song:

SORRY SUNDAY

I'm sorry I didn't use my natural ability to play sports to get a higher education.

I'm sorry I didn't pursue my dream of becoming an entertainer 40 years ago.

I'm sorry I didn't maintain a healthy weight and maybe avoid diabetes.

I'm sorry I didn't treat my sister better in high school.

I'm sorry I still lose my temper and upset my family.

I'm sorry I didn't come to the rescue of that bear at the St. Louis Zoo, that some cruel guys were throwing lit cigarettes at, but I was too high on "acid" to help the poor thing.

I'm sorry I never made enough money to help my family in St. Louis.

I'm sorry I never went to Vietnam with my buddies.

I'm sorry I've spent money foolishly over the years instead of saving. 

I'm sorry I didn't visit my mom more.

I'm sorry I didn't show more respect and appreciation for my dad.

I'm sorry I've hurt those closest to me, and don't know how to fix it.

I'm sorry I introduced people to drugs in the past, and it caused them and their families misery and pain.

I'm sorry that I still have angry, immoral, selfish, covetous thoughts, even though I am a Christian.

God please forgive me!

SILLY SATURDAY

THE LOEBLY ROBE TO GANDISLOT AND GILDERSTAT

Trabling on the loebly robe to Gandislot And Glilderstat,

What da heg i sea,

Uh multimouth beeogascream,

Looging bog at me.

Twas rarely nog to sea one,

On a the 40th of Juleen,

I never scene one twize before,

On a yallow soobmarine.

My wog woud brang me vorward,

To da provinz of Quartoom,

Where da gelefonts vould high 5,

Wid da snarlies on Damoon.

Da feed dat wer beneed my lags,

Wer so tierrd me cud kry,

I thunked and thunked,

Wid all my hard,

Thus I pecan to phly.

I phlyd dacross da uniburst,

And mended up ridehear,

To tall dis tellin' tory,

Fer all franes for-n-near.

Dis ebic pome wone hormya,

Nor vill id maag u fat,

ONDA loebly robe to ,

Gandislot and Glilderstat!

By Danny Maness

DISCLAIMER: NO DRUGZ R ALGOHUAL  WER YOUSED INDA CREE ASIAN OB DIS POMB!

My Thoughts On Ken Zurski

FAN FRIDAY   FAN FRIDAY

FAN FRIDAY   FAN FRIDAY

FAN FRIDAY    FAN FRIDAY

I am a big fan of Ken Zurski!

Ken Zurski is the brilliant author of one of the most intriguing books I've ever read! The title is "The Wreck Of The Columbia."

http://www.amazon.com/The-Wreck-Columbia-Steamboat-Illinois/dp/193748405X

However, I'm not going to talk about that aspect of his life.

He also does the traffic reports on WMBD radio in Peoria, Illinois. He does an awesome job, but I'm not going to talk about that either.

All I want to talk about is his ultra nice personality, and his love for his beautiful family.

His posts on Facebook prove what a devoted Dad and husband he is, since the focus is seldom on himself, but mostly on his family.

He takes the time to frequently photograph his adorable children, and he shares the pictures proudly with his friends all of the time. 

The things he writes about his lovely wife and children are so refreshing in this mad world of bitter anger between so many married couples, and total dysfunction in thousands of families.

I stood in a long line at one of his book signings, and I was genuinely impressed by the time he took with each individual, old and young.

Surprisingly, he remembered ME from some of the silly bits I had done on The Greg and Dan Radio Show, where he does the traffic report and ads to the fun of the show. Especially when he does his "dead on" impression of Jimmy Stewart!

Ken is a tremendous writer and historian, and a great radio guy, but most of all, he is a real gentleman in every since of the word!

I just have to put in a little plug for his wonderful book! It is so heartbreaking, filled with heroism, and utterly suspenseful it should be made into a blockbuster movie one day, like the Titanic! 

I know I promised not to talk about it, but I could not help myself! It's so fantastic!

Remember, "The Wreck Of The Columbia": http://www.amazon.com/The-Wreck-Columbia-Steamboat-Illinois/dp/193748405X

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

A bridge, some whistling,

A classic finish,

William Holden and Alec Guinness.

A one eyed Marshall,
Who had true grit,
"Fill your hands you son-of-a-bit..!"

Christmas memories,
this story brings,
"Every time a bell rings,
An Angel gets his wings."

A little girl,

 And her dog Toto,

Took us somewhere over the rainbow.

"A Field Of Dreams,"

Brings a tear of sad,

Cause I always think about my Dad.

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Billions of Glirkazoids were calling it a miracle!

Our little hero, Gary, had completed ALL FIVE TESTS of the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet, and gained the honor of standing before the Supreme Glirkheads in the High Chamber.

Gary did not know why the ancient Glirkheads had summoned him to the High Chamber, but he was anxious to get there.

Yellow Rose was accompanying Gary, because she was such a tremendous key to Gary's success!

A lifetime pass to the High Chamber had already been given to Yellow Rose centuries ago, because she had come to the aid of a multitude of helpless, pitiful Glirkazoids with no concern for her own health and safety. What a gal!

Walking through the blue mist that covers the surface of their planet, Glirka, they both wondered what the Supreme Glirkheads would have them do.

Maybe save the inhabitants of Glysidian from the giant "night crawlers" again.

Not the kind you go fishin' with!

These worms are one thousand feet long and have sharp teeth!

It could be they wanted Gary and Yellow Rose to search for strange new worlds, to boldly go where no Glirkazoid had gone before, seek out new life forms...no...that would be Star Trek, wouldn't it?

As they were pondering over these things, they saw in the distance, the most gorgeous sight they had ever seen in all their born days!

THE ENTRANCE TO THE HIGH CHAMBER!!!!!

Gary took hold of the hand of Yellow Rose, as they walked closer and closer to the magnificent High Chamber.

They had to squint their eyes from the brilliant shining of the gold, silver, platinum, diamonds, emeralds, and rubies that filled the walls and ceiling of the Chamber.

To add to the wonderment and joy of the experience, Coldplay music was eternally piped into the mysteriously beautiful Chamber.

You are probably wondering how Coldplay music could be played since Chris Martin wouldn't even be born for another 100 billion years.

HA HA HA! Lest we not forget, the Glirkazoids are masters of time travel!

Suddenly, the Supreme Glirkheads appear before them, sitting behind their huge mahogany judges desk!

Gary is so startled he starts talking real fast to them about the tests he went through, and how Yellow Rose helped him, the pink bike on the tightrope, Glirkzilla, the swamp of death, Gliderspider...and he keeps rambling on and on and on until he hears from the Head Glirkhead...

"SHUT UP AND KISS HER!!"

Gary says..."what?"

The head Glirkhead, with a frustrated look on his face, says it slowly this tom:

"SHUT...UP...AND...KISS...HER!!!"

Gary says, "You mean, that's what you called me here for?"

"Right on," says the H. G.

"How can we have a happy ending without you kissing Yellow Rose?!"

At that, Gary looks into the beautiful eyes of Yellow Rose with his awesome long stemmed eyes, gently takes her in his arms, and gives Yellow Rose the most wonderful, and longest kiss that has ever been recorded in the known universe...and fireworks start going off in the background, doves start flying around, a gospel choir pops up and begins singing, and then Gary and Yellow Rose hop on a magnificent white horse and ride into the sunset!

THE END!

TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

Since it's Travelin' Tuesday I was gonna talk about some of my old cars from days of yore...mama...but who cares about my dumb English Ford that would vapor lock all the tom, and I had to buy a cold Coke to pour on the fuel pump so it would start again. (I think it might have been the fuel pump...but I'm not very mcCannibal)

English Ford 

I also failed my first driving test in that old English Ford, because I hadn't really got the hang of the stick shift, and I kept rolling backwards about half a block when the tester dude made me stop on a steep hill.

It was like, go up the steep hill, stop at the stop sign, roll backwards half a block, the car dies, go get a cold Coke, pour it on the fuel pump, start the car, drive back up the steep hill again, stop at the stop sign, roll backwards half a block...anyway, after about 3 times of doing this they decided to flunk me! 

I'm not gonna bore you talking about my Olds, Vista Cruiser, station wagon with the anti-theft hood, either, when the hood got bent somehow, and it would not open, so I had to carry a narrow pipe in the back of the wagon, to slip through a gap above the front grill, and forcefully pry the latch up before it would open. 

My Vista Cruiser was a little more beat up than this one!

This really was a blessing, because I was living in St. Louis, and already had two batteries stolen from my car before this safety feature was inadvertently installed.

I'm not going to tell you about the automatic foot washer in this car, because you'd just laugh at the fact that every time it rained, water would splash up through the rusted out floorboard on to my feet!

Hey, there's no law you have to wear shoes when driving...is there?!

Im too embarrassed to tell you I never had any money to repair my cars right away, so whenever the mufflers fell off, and the cars sounded louder than monster trucks, I had to keep a sharp eye out for cops, so I could lift my foot off the pedal and coast by them silently.

I would pray a cop wouldn't get behind me while I was going uphill!

I'm not going to admit that I had a Chevy Biscayne that was named Cheryl! (Absolutely true!)

However, it was named by the previous owner, my good friend, Rick Gieselman, and I kept the name when I bought the car from him.

I am NOT going to retell the story about the tom, Ronny Stevens and me drove Cheryl to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida for spring break, and a kind hearted southern gentleman fixed her with a safety pin when she broke down. (Another unbelievable, but true story!)

I don't think you even want to hear about the mistake I made by buying a diesel powered Toyota!

It was awesome in the summer, but the diesel fuel would freeze in the winter when the temp was below zero, and I was 40 miles from any heat source!

There was a period of tom when I couldn't afford new tires, so I would buy used spare tires (for about 5 bucks a piece) that had no tread, and I'd be changing tires about twice a week.

It was a bad day when I had two tires blow at the same tom! (But I won't tell you about that today)

Now I don't want all of you guys feelin' sorry for me. The trials and tribulations we go through in our lives builds character!

That is so true!

Everyone thinks I'm a character!