OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Our Hero Gary

Lest we forget , the events depicted in Out Of This World Wednesday occurred billions and billions of years ago, and this story today is one of the EARLIEST recorded accounts of Gary, our hero, a legendary figure from the blue misty planet of Glirka. Thanks for being patient through this little disclaimer.

When we last saw Gary, his beeper thing was beeping...beep, beep, beep...and he just knew it would be the Supreme Glirkheads cancelling his vacation for a dangerous, difficult, dirty mission!

Gary reluctantly answers his beeps...."Helwo? (Gary had a slight speech impediment) Uh, huh. Yeah, Okay. Bye, bye."

It was the Supreme Glirkheads cancelling his vacation for a dangerous, difficult, dirty mission.

"Gal durn it," exclaimed Gary!

He had to travel 10 zillion light years to Irth (a planet he had never heard of) to straighten out their government healthcare website.

He had to move quickly before Yo 77 got wind of it, because he wanted to do ALL the hero stuff this tom!

YO 77

Gary traversed to this place called Irth in record tom, and what a horrible mess it was! The healthcare website debacle was only a tiny fraction of the monumental problems this planet faced!

The members of their government were all totally nuts! They had wars for no reason, some folks had no food, while others were way too fat, the people worshiped the nasty goddess, Cyley Mirus, they watched a diabolical thing called Veletision  that emulsified their already puny brains, they texted their friends, even if they were standing next to each other, and thought that valueless green paper, with pictures of their dead presidents, made them rich!

While Gary was getting dizzy calculating which direction to go, what to do, and where to start first, he saw a colorful flash of light! 

Oh, no! It was Yo 77!

Yo 77 in her super hero form!

"Okay, let me guess," Gary said to her, "the Supreme Glirkheads sent you here to help me with this impossible project, right?"

Yo 77 handed Gary a yellow rose, and said, "No Gary, I came on my own, to let you know that we cannot help this planet, it's too far gone. Only God can help them now."

Gary had a strange feeling come over him, he knew that a yellow rose symbolized honesty and truthfulness to Glirkazoids, and understood that she was telling him the absolute truth!

They formed their legendary team, and went off to save other worlds that could still be saved by our heroes... but Irth would need a more powerful Savior.

After that, Gary gave Yo 77 a nickname, that unbeknownst to him was the nickname her Father had given her as a child.....

YELLOW ROSE!!

Join us every Wednesday for the exciting adventures of Gary and YELLOW ROSE, in OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!!

TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

Speakin' of travelin',

They'll soon be unravelin',

Goin' home to give thanks,

Just like Tom Hanks!

Driving like mad folks,

This ain't time for jokes,

Gotta get there by Thursday,

 Gonna race down the freeway!

Running through airports,

Makin' your feet hurt,

No holiday spirit?

Why, you even fear it?

Flights are delayed,

Even though you've pre-paid,

Waiting for hours,

Without taking showers.

Travelin' from Maine,

To New York on a train,

No way to get lost,

I hate cranberry sauce.

VIsiting dear old Grandpa again,

Wonder if he's still hitting the gin?

Is Aunt Molly still hooked on prescription drugs?

I really won't hear it, I brought my ear plugs.

Big traffic jams,

I don't really like yams,

The direction I'm guessing,

Will they have cornbread dressing?

Finally you get there,

And you get a cold stare,

From family and guests,

Now you don't feel your best.

You're late and your hungry,

But they they acted real jerky,

They ate all the food,

Including the turkey!

HAPPY HOLIDAY TRAVELIN'!!

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

In Memory Of The King

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Sundaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I'm kind of happy that so few folks read my blob anymore!

It's an uninhibiting feeling that I have the freedom to write ANYTHING I want with no fear of criticism, retaliation, or nuttin' honey!

For instance, tellin' ya about my genuine belief in the Glirkazoids, who came to our planet by accident, but decided that they would help us moronic earthlings make technological advances that we would have never imagined in a billion years!

Do you see my point? Now, no one will chime in with, "there's no such things as Glirkazoids, " because no one really cares about the stupid crap I write anymore! Yaaaaaaaay!

Wait a second and I'll check my view count. 

Listen to the music while I'm away!

It says I have 21,397 views, but I really think it's just a glitch in the system, because out of 21,397 views I SHOULD have hundreds and hundreds of comments, but I donut!

Another thing I can say, due to my lack of viewers, is that I have no interest, and get no excitement or pleasure, from seeing your plate of food on Facebook, your unending selfies, telling me if I don't repost your bullcrap I'm an evil person, your stupid material items that you'll get tired of next week, your lavish vacations that you seem to take every month, and most important of all, telling me that MY brilliant songs and videos are dumb!!  

That is simply rude...dude!

Why am I writing this? Hmmm? 

No one reads my blob anymore!!

I guess I can't help myself.

I must be a blob attic! 

Or...is the "BLOB" hiding in my attic!

Very scary scenario, if ya arsk me!!!

THE BI-POLAR BLUES

Well, I'm tellin' you the news,
I got the bi-polar blues,
And I been payin' all my dues,
I got the bi-polar blues,
From my head down to my shoes,
I got the bi-polar blues.

Well I'm down when I get up,
I'm up when I get down,
Like on a roller coaster,
I'm headin' for the ground,
Then I begin to fly,
My, oh, my, to the sky.
I got the bi-polar blues.

Well, my mood I can't choose,
With this old bi-polar blues,
My shrink ain't got no clues,
With these bi-polar blues.

He's tried lithium and seroquel,
protriptyline, celexa, quetiapine,
vivactil, depakote,  cymbalta, 
Lithobid, divalproex, and let me tell ya Jack, he even got so desperate he put me on prozac!


Well, I'm tellin' you the news,
I got the bi-polar blues,
Well, I'm just singin' you the news,
I got the bi-polar blues,
From my hat down to my shoes,
I got the bi-polar blues.

Might As Well Laugh!!!

There comes a time when we all need to stop crying, whining, and complaining about everything!

Especially me!

It feels so much better to laugh and fart around, even in the midst of tragedy and the "pit of despair." (Quote stolen from "The Princess Bride)

I was surprised how good I felt this morning, in spite of some of the darkest days we are experiencing here in this area, and all over America!

I have a hopeful, positive spirit on this day, and I really shouldn't feel like that.

There are good, decent folks praying for me, and that may be the reason for my happy attitude. I don't know, but I feel so much better this morning!

Feeling so good, I'm sharing my Happy Time song with all of you!! 

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

Being fat and ugly,

From the day that I was born,

No wonder that my mom and dad,

Were always so forlorn.

I looked like a gorilla,

Slumped over when I walked,

They would hand me a banana,

When I tried to talk.

The girls all called me Frankenstein,

 They screamed when I walked by,

Dogs wouldn't even bite me,

And I made babies cry!

When the boys played baseball,

I thought that it was great,

That they let me sweep the dugout,

And used me as home plate.

My teachers always hated me,

They called me dumb and dunce,

And paddled me on my behind,

That happened more than once!

I was dirty as a little pig,

Had no friends because I stunk,

I listened to narcotic bands,

Jethro Tull and old Grand Funk.

I joined the Army at 19,

Thought I'd fight ole Charlie Cong,

Was such a dud they kicked me out,

That's when I bought a bong.

My hippy days were dreamlike,

But working was a bummer,

The "weed" just made me fatter,

And the "acid" made me dumber!

I gave up drugs and whisky,

I know this may sound witless,

But from the pan into the fire,

I became a Jehovah's Witness.

I thought we were the "chosen ones,"

The rest would be destroyed,

I shared this with my relatives,

And they really got annoyed!

After about 30 years,

I came back to my senses,

And realized that I'd been conned,

My brain is just what dense is!

Right now, I'm 63 years old,

Health is failing, got no money,

But I've got my home and Yorkie,

And my little Donna, honey!

"It's a miracle," my friends do say,

"That you are still alive,

We thought that many moons ago,

You would not survive!"

I'm still all fat and ugly,

And dumber than a rock,

But God has let me live till now,

To walk Benji 'round the block.

Some days I feel a lot of pain,

Some days I'm feeling great,

If your over 60, 

I'm sure you can relate.

So I wrote this poem to let you know,

Exactly how I feel,

About my life of sad obesity,

And being ugly as an eel!

BURMA SHAVE

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Glirkazoids are universally known for being workaholics, and Gary was no exception!

It's true, that they do love to party, but they party hardy for days, without stopping until they "crash" and sleep for a few karpects, and then go back to work.

Not unlike me in my misspent youth.

Our hero, Gary, was ordered to take a vacation by the Supreme Glirkheads.

He decided he would travel 7 trillion light years to the planet of Huhviyee, because it was not far from Glirka, and that's where the hot babes liked to go!

"I deserve this," Gary said to himself.

Gary was right!

He had been sent on so many missions to save his fellow Glirkazoids, fought ugly gigantic creatures, traversed hot deserts, cold mountain ranges, yucky swamps, had space battles, completed the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet...ALL BY HIMSELF...except for a little help from Yo 77.

It seemed like Yo 77 was ALWAYS close by whenever he needed help!

It was almost as if the High Supreme Glickheads had assigned her to help Gary when he got in trouble.

Ha Ha Ha! Gary knew better than that!

He didn't need a girl to help him! No way!

Yo 77 was a Glirkazoid girl who had 

won top honors at the Space Academy, scored highest in EVERYTHING...in the classroom, physical training, and even keeping her dorm room clean!

Yo 77 transformed into super hero!

Gary had to admit that she had been helpful on occasion, but he believed he could have done it on his own. Sure he could...yep...he didn't need that silly little girl to help him...not one bit...nope...

Gary had to stop thinking about Yo 77. 

He was Yoing, I mean GOing on a lovely, relaxing vacation for 77, I meant to say, 7 days, where he would feel the tropical winds Yo, correction, BLOW, on his green Glirkazoid face.

Gary's beeper device began to beep, beep, beep!

"Oh, no," Gary thought to himself, "it's probably the Supreme Glirkheads cancelling my vacation for another mission!"

Will Gary be able to go on vacation?!

Will he stop being jealous of Yo 77?!

Should he just ignore his beeper thingy?! 

Tune in next week for OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

I always loved riding in the car on the gravel roads in southeast Missouri when I was a wee kid.

Me, as a wee kid.

I didn't live in southeast Missouri, but my grandpa did.

Mooing at the cows was so much fun, and getting excited over seeing some "horseflesh" standing inside a white rail fence.

I learned the term "horseflesh" from watching T.V. westerns like Gunsmoke and the Rifleman.

Also words like "hogleg," "redskins," "livery stable," "mesa," "outlaws," "gun slinger," "schoolmarm," "badlands," "saloon," "rustler," "devil wire," "line shack," "lynching," "claim jumper," "stagecoach," "spurs," "red eye," "blacksmith," "squatter," "lasso," "ambush," and "sarsaparilla."

Yes...that's how you spell sarsaparilla. 

So, don't let anyone tell you that television isn't edumacational!

HAVE A TREMENDOUS TRAVELIN' TUESDAY!!