OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

If you're reading this, it proves you still enjoy the exciting escapades of Gary and Rosie, our glorious, Glirkazoid, gut bustin' galaxy gliders...OR, you're checking out my bizarre blog for the first tom, OR, you hate my blog with a massive amount of vitriol and want to give me a NASTY review!

vitriol

noun 

violent hate and anger expressed through 
severe criticism 

No matter, you're here, and that's all that matters! Even if you're simply a rabid masochist who loves to suffer!

mas·och·ist

/ˈmazəkəst,ˈmasəkəst/

Learn to pronounce

noun: a person who enjoys an activity that appears to be painful or tedious.

1. • "what kind of masochist would take part in such an experiment?"

   
   
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Okay. When we last witnessed our cosmic champions, they were standing right outside of the cavernous cave of the Monster Of Malevalentay, who recently roared a very ear splitting roar, in a fearsome way! Gary and Rosie have absolutely no weapons, are tiny in comparison to the humongous monster, and need to release the imprisoned Princess Of Pyrotussin before the gluttonous beast decides to have her for lunch!!












Monster Of Malevalentay above⇭ in case you forgot.

Princess Of Pyrotussin ➧

Rosie - "Oh, MY! I wonder what the Monster Of Malevalentay is roaring about in there?"

Gary - "Since I'm an expert on ferocious alien monsters, I'd say THAT was definitely a "hangry" roar. The ravenous beast is just a nanomite away from devouring the lovely Princess Of Pyrotussin!!"

rav·en·ous

/ˈrav(ə)nəs/

Learn to pronounce

adjective

1. extremely hungry.

   Similar:

   very hungry

   starving

   starved

   famished

   sharp-set

   esurient

   Opposite:

   full

   • (of hunger or need) very great; voracious.

     "a ravenous appetite"

     Similar:

     voracious

     insatiable

     ravening

     wolfish

     greedy

     gluttonous

   
   
2. han·gry

   /ˈhaNGɡrē/

   Learn to pronounce

   adjective

   INFORMAL

   1. bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger.

      "I get very hangry if I miss a meal"

   
   

   Rosie - ""We need to act quickly, Gary! We have no weapons, however, we are masters of the ancient art of "kickyobutt!" In fact, our hands and feet are registered in the Azkick Astro Archives as lethal weapons!!"

Gary - "What yo talkin' 'bout, Rosie? 

"Don't you remember that I missed most of that "kickyobutt" training, due to my little toe injury? So I faked my "kickyobutt" test scores to graduate from the Academy?"

Rosie - "I forgot about that...but you are a master street fighter who knows all the dirty fighting tricks to confuse, disorient, and dismember the Monster Of Malevalentay before he knows what hit him!!"

Lethal street fighter, Gary?

Gary begins to grow in confidence after Rosie's encouraging words, and a slight smile appears on his little green, Glirkazoidian face.

Gary - "Let's roll!!!"

At Gary's words, our gallant, gazelle-like, Glirkazoid grapplers, swifty run into the cavernous cave of the Monster Of Malevalentay, and find something incredibly shocking!!!

The pretty Princess Of Pyrotussin is sitting on the monster's lap and tickling his belly, which makes him ROAR with laughter.

Rosie - "Gary! I thought you said you heard a "hangry" roar, Mr. Expert!"

Gary - "Well, umm, hangry and happy are very similar roars when it comes to vicious, ravenous beasts!"

Princess Of Pyrotussin - "Hey, guys! Nice to see ya! Whatcha doin' here?"

Rosie - "We heard that the Monster Of Malevalentay had kidnapped you, made you his slave, where you were doing nasty chores for him, like clipping his toenails, and he would eventually have you as a snack!"

Princess Of Pyrotussin - "All true! Except for the fact that we fell in love, and now we're married!!"

The princess flashes an enormous diamond ring!

Gary whispers to Rosie..."She married him for his money."

Rosie whispers back..."You're such a romantic...NOT!

Gary - "Well, Rosie, I guess our mission was kind of a non-mission this tom. We best leave these "lovebirds" alone."

Rosie - "Yeah. I'm glad it all turned out okay...and who's Tom?"

Gary - "It don't matter."

Rosie - "Yes it does!! You keep bringing up this Tom character, and I have NEVER met this guy!"

Gary - "We need to get going, Rosie! We don't have tom to discuss it!"

Rosie - "Why do we need Tom to discuss it? Why can't it be just you and me?"

Gary - "Ha ha! Rosie! You're the funniest Glirakazoid in the whole wide worm!"

Rosie - "That's ANOTHER thing, Gary! We do not live in a cockadoodie WORM! We are...."

So, as the two suns set on the purple planet of Pyrotussin, our giggle inducing Glirkazoids bicker like old married folks. That's the way it has always been, the way it is now, and the way it will always be!!

Personally, I like it that way.

See ya next Wednesday for all new episodes of....

WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!

My State Of The Onion Address

The State Of The Onion is strong! 

Especially if you get those kind of onions that make you cry from burning eyes!

Hey, that sounds like a country song...

Sung to the tune of "You Can't Hide Those Lyin' Eyes..."

I'm gonna cry from burnin' eyes,

Because onion juice really flies,

I don't know why it's a surprise,

There ain't no way to soothe those burning eyes.

I digress. My fellow Americans...there is a plethora of onions in every single grocery store, fresh market, and roadside veggie stand in our sacred nation! 

Although there are a few anti-onion factions in the darkest crevasses of this U.S. of A.... patriots stand together, shoulder to shoulder, in their passionate love of onions!

We must have onions on our hamburgers, in chili, tuna salad, potato salad, with liver, on a mustard sandwich, in onion soup (duh), and YOU can list more food items that must have onions in the comments section of my blog.

For your information, onions are NOT created equal! There are the kind that are very strong, pungent and make you cry, whereas other onions (like Vidalia Sweet Onions), are milder, sweeter and really sweet when sautéed! Yum!

Everything you want to know about onions can be found on the link below...

https://www.onions-usa.org/all-about-onions/consumption/

So, in conclusion, America is like an onion. America has layers (like an onion) of diverse people, education levels, skills, cultures and crazyness.

Like an onion, America can be strong and make our enemies cry!

On the other hand, America is also sweet (like Vidalia onions), giving aid to poor countries, treating Japan and Germany nice after WW2, sending food, water, building materials and lots of human resources to victims of hurricanes and other disasters around the world. 

Lets face it, like an onion, America has appeal!! Get it? A peel? Never mind. 

Superbowl LIV...

Twerking, Touchdowns and Tepid Ads

Tepid.

tep·id

/ˈtepəd/

Learn to pronounce

adjective

1. showing little enthusiasm."the applause was tepid"

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I'm not the kind of "negative Nellie" who criticizes everything I see and hear, therefore,  I must admit the Superbowl game was exciting.

Apart from that, I have a few issues with the "nasty dancing" and the less than awesome commercials.

Not as nasty as this, but pretty nasty!

In this whole wide worm there are a slew of super talented folks! Just watch YouTube and you'll find musicians, singers, dancers, and all kinds of amazing artists who entertain us WITHOUT being nasty! 

Here is the perfect example!

There are still a lot of big time entertainers who have clean acts...like John Legend, Alicia Keys, Darci Lynne, The Oak Ridge Boys and so on.

Here is REAL talent, for audiences of all ages, races, sexes, nationalities, alien life forms, species, and everythang in between!

Ditto!

With millions of innocent kids watching the Superbowl halftime, should they have sexy women in skimpy outfits (or was it skimpy women in sexy outfits) emulating sex acts in view of little kids who have not even reached pre-school? 

In fact, I'm WAY beyond pre-school and it was too much "nasty dancing" for me! 

Seriously,  I just wish they would have had entertainment that appealed to a wider range of people, instead of just dirty old men. 

As for the commercials, is it me, or have the ads lost the heart and soul of Superbowl ads in the past? With the Clydesdale horses, Mean Joe Green and the kid, the Bud..wise...er frogs and such?

What kind of super genius thought of this?

Can you think of one commercial from Superbowl LIV that will become a classic?

If so, let us know in comments section...thank you!

Now, I LIKED a few of them. The one where the kicker turns out to be a girl was cool! The Audi ad with Arya Stark singing Let It Go was also cool, because we didn't know she could sing! (well, I didn't know she could sing)  The drawn out Tide, "later," commercial was NOT good, in my expert opinion.

Or was it a Bud Light Ad?

Jason Momoa's (Lisa Bonet's hubby) Rocket Mortgage commercial was kinda funny. I enjoyed the Walmart commercial with all the Syfy stuff, like Mars Attacks, Men In Black, etc., because I'm a Syfy fan!

Mt. Dew's "The Shining" ad was not appropriate to my sensitive nature. Scaring me ain't gonna make me buy Yahoo, Mt. Dew!!

I liked the Sonata commercial with folks talking with Boston accents. "Smart park" sounded like "smot pock."

The Weather Tech dog was heart touching, and the Alexa ( "before there was Alexa") ad was quite good!

The one ad that both Donna and I liked, was the "Agape" commercial from New York Life.  It could almost be placed with the great ones from the past. 

All in all, I enjoyed it! However, after 16 Michelob Ultras, I would have enjoyed a soccer game with an Oompah band as the halftime show! Just kiddin' folks! Ha ha! 

 I could even enjoy this song above, after a whole case of Mick Ult↑

BOMBSHELL INFO ON IMPEACHMENT STUFF!!

I have the "BOMBSHELL" info that will blow this impeachment stuff to smithereens!!

If you're like me, and you must be if you're reading my ridiculous blog, you are SO tired of all this unending, boring impeachment crap!

Especially, when both sides keep coming up with so-called, "BOMBSHELLS," that always fizzle out in the end.

However, I, in my infant wisdom, have a REAL bombshell, that will make all these other, faux bombshells pale in comparison! 

Good example of pale in comparison!

My "bombshell" is....it's all a dream/nightmare/ hallucination! 

Shortly, we'll all wake up and Obama will still be president, it will be spring of 2013, you're still working at Cat, or where ever you were working in 2013, and impeachment will be the farthest thing from your mind! (Or is that FURTHEST thing from your mind?)

Oh, well. 

You'll need to start this from the beginning!

Superbowl Sunday Suggestions

Don't freak out! I can say Superbowl, because I'm not selling anything. At least, I THINK so. It really makes no difference, because I ain't got any money to give them  in a lawsuit anyway! 

Do you have Superbowl traditions? Are they getting a bit stale, outdated and tired? 

Come on! How many Superbowl Sunday's have you had chips and dip? A LOT, I would guess. 

Same with beer, nachos, Jack Daniels, pretzels, wearing your teams jerseys and caps, and friendly betting on the game, right?

Why not change it up a bit, this year! It's 2020! Isn't it about time we break free of the old, worn out traditions, and begin brand new ones? Sure it is!!!

This is very symbolic, folks!

Just a few suggestions to spice up your Superbowl party this year...

1. Install sturdy metal bars across the ceiling and have everybody hang by their legs, upside down and watch the big game like a bunch of bats. This may SEEM like a nutty idea, but your video of this activity will go VIRAL, for sure!! 

2. Have exotic snacks, like toasted Cheerios and prunes, white bread with mustard and peanut butter, chicken livers floating in Pepsi, or even 

Pâté de Foie Gras, with FAUX fattened duck or goose. (we don't want PETA breathing down our necks, do we?)

3. Wear Game Of Thrones costumes and have awesome (non-lethal) battles whenever a touchdown is made. If someone is accidentally injured, change into doctor's outfits, bring out a stretcher, and run down the street with the stretcher to the nearest hospital, where you'll remember you left the injured victim at home!

4. Drink unique beverages, like grog, absinthe, theobroma, ninkasi beer, bat milk, or frog pee pee. (Warning: psychedelic effects may occur with the frog pee pee)

5. Choreograph a dance routine to perform when there's a foul call. Doing this will not, necessarily, make the call go YOUR way, but the down time will be more fun!  

Here are a few dance routine examples for ya!

6. Have your party participants rate the Superbowl commercials on a scale of one to 179. Have each member of your Superbowl party scratch out their personal rating for each commercial on a scrap of paper. After the game, place the scraps of paper in an empty, green absinthe bottle, go down to the nearest river (the Illinois River would be the nearest for me), throw the bottle in the river, let the drunkest individual dive into the river and retrieve the bottle, take it to the nearest airport, try to get it through security where you'll attempt to put it on a plane to Morocco, if you get that far, most likely, your whole Superbowl party attendees will be in jail by now, and the police have impounded the illegally imported absinthe bottle, and will read your ratings for the commercials, and are mad that they missed the Superbowl  because they were on duty! 

https://www.sciencehistory.org/distillations/the-devil-in-a-little-green-bottle-a-history-of-absinthe

Hey! Share some of your Superbowl traditions...or tell us what NEW traditions you'll be starting this year! Go ahead! It will be fun! We accept ALL comments! Feel free to put your two cents in the penny pile! 

Are you getting the point that I'd like you to comment? I hope so!