The Fantasies And Realities Of A Twisted Mind, by Danny Maness
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
TRAVELIN' TUESDAY
It's Travelin' Tuesday,
So let me begin,
To tell you my story 'bout travelin',
I was born in St. Louis,
By God's good graces,
But I wanted to travel to different places.
By train or plane,
Or boat or car,
Travelin' fast and travelin' far,
I wanted to see,
What the world was like,
Even if I had to ride my bike!
My first big trip,
Was to Tacoma, it was raining,
Too bad it was for basic training,
I traveled to Boulder,
For some things I lusted,
I fried my brain, and nearly got busted.
I hitchhiked across America,
Boy, that was dumb,
Let me hear a DUH,
I met diverse people,
And it was fun,
Until I got that ride from the dude with a gun,
He didn't kill me,
As you can see,
But it took me awhile to clean up my pee.
Me and my buddy,
Thought it would be great,
To go to Florida for spring break,
Ft. Lauderdale was groovy,
The girls were chummy,
But my car broke down, and we were out of money,
We made it back,
'Cause a dude took us in,
And fixed the car with a safety pin.
(True story)
The Grand Canyon was awesome,
But here's the sad tale,
Where I almost "bought it" on Bright Angel Trail,
The mules were a-coming,
There wasn't much room,
Got too close to the edge,
And went down with a boom.
However, twas only a few feet I'd drop,
How happy I was, when I fell on that rock.
So watch what you wish for,
It's nice to roam,
Travelin's fun,
But it's safer at home!
BURMA SHAVE
Monday, July 29, 2013
MANESS MUSIC MONDAY
I just released my new, old song on YouTube that I wrote about 42 years ago.
I promised I would tell the true meaning to the song in my blog... so here it is!
I went to Arizona...means, I went to Arizona... circa 1970!
And all along the way, I thought about some people there...means, as I was driving there, I thought about my friends who I was going to move in with...Ryan and Joanne Aurand.
I met Ryan in the Army, and he was the greatest singer I'd ever heard, taught me to play the guitar better than I ever thought I could, and became a very close friend, along with his wife Joanne.
They felt so far away...means, it seemed like it took forever to drive from St. Louis to Phoenix, Arizona in that Drive-A-Way car!
Do you remember the Drive-A-Way business?
Here is how it worked, this girl flew from St. Louis to Stanford University, and then wanted her car.
Her parents paid to have the car driven there by me, but I paid for the gas.
I then flew from San Francisco to Phoenix to join my friends.
Simple as that!
Enough of that. Let's get back to the classic song.
I went to California, I ran into some rain...means, after living with my friends for awhile, I got itchy feet, and decided to hitchhike to California to become fay-moose, and it didn't work out according to my plan. (Rain symbolizes disappointment, rejection,
and various difficult circumstances.)
I haven't been there since the storm, and I won't go back again...means, I wasn't going to go back to California, but I eventually did, anyway, to visit my sister.
Fireman's in the station, the doctor's on the street, the singer's in the factory without a bite to eat...means the fireman and doctor are where they should be, at the fire station, and in the doctor's office on the street, however, a great singer, like Ryan, was working in a factory where he didn't belong, and not receiving a crumb of recognition for his talent!
The safety of your kindness, the love you know I'll keep, the beauty in your blindness, I'm hiding in my sleep...means, as I was leaving Arizona I wanted to tell my friends how their kindness made me feel safe and warm, I would keep the love for them in my heart, how beautiful it was that they were blind to my faults, and during my years of depression I would sleep a lot, to hide from the difficulties of the world.
The mountains all around me, they shadow all my fear, I leave the past behind me, I hope you lend an ear...means, there were literally mountains that were all around Phoenix, but my true fear was leaving the protection and support of my friends, and then I would soon feel that far away feeling again as I traveled to California.
This is the song I wrote years ago, to share my feelings with my friends!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
ST. ST. LOUIS SUNDAYSUN
As I have mentioned in a previous blog posting, we hardly ever went to church when I was a kid.
So, that made Sunday a time of pure relaxation, family getting together, and reading the "funny papers" on the living room floor.
I loved spreading the newspaper on the floor and reading the "Funnies," even though they weren't that funny, apart from Peanuts.
Would someone please explain to me why Prince Valiant was in the "funny papers?"
That strip was sooo boring, not a bit funny, and never came to any conclusion!
Pogo was kind of cool, with an avant garde style that had a reckless abandon, and a delightful,whimsical feel about it.
Are you old enough to remember the Mary Worth "comic" strip? You have to be pretty ancient to have that one in your memory banks!
Anyway, another real snoozer, unless maybe you were an old maid spinster, that didn't have a radio or T.V...or books, or friends. Just cats!
Beetle Bailey could be funny at times, but I'm kind of sore at the creators of this comic strip!
They made it look like Army life was nothing but a bunch of goofing off, playing practical jokes on ole Sarge, and having loads of fun! So I joined up when I became of age!
I learned that Army life had absolutely no resemblance to the Beetle Bailey cartoon...on the first day of basic training!
As time went on, some of the greatest comic strips of all time came along, in my humble opinion.
The Far Side...which was not really a "strip," but all the hilarity was in one frame...and it was pure genius!
And perhaps my favorite comic strip of all time, that touched my heart, as well as my funny bone, was Calvin and Hobbes!
See what I mean!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
SATURDAY MORNING POST
ALIEN SPACESHIP LANDS ATOP THE 12TH FLOOR OF THE OLD JEFFERSON BUILDING IN PEORIA, ILLINOIS TO LISTEN TO GREG AND DAN SHOW'S NEW JAMAICAN JINGLE... AND EMULSIFICATE THEMSELVES FROM LAUGHTER
Don't ask what emulsificate means...you don't want to know!
INFAMOUS ANTHONY WIENER TIRED OF PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF HIS NAME, AND CHANGES IT TO PETER WINGDINGER
OBAMA DECIDES TO FINALLY BUILD A FENCE ALL ALONG THE MEXICAN BORDER...TO KEEP AMERICANS FROM FLEEING TO MEXICO
I saw my friend, Greg Batton, at "Jac's Doghouse" bar (he was giving away free Cardinals tickets, so I needed to be there), in Pekin Illinois, just about an hour and twenty minutes ago.
He was doing a remote broadcast from the place, like he has done at many places in the Peoria area many times, for years.
He is a local celebrity, as he hosts a daily morning radio show (The Greg and Dan Show) that is very popular.
He often does these remote broadcasts from various businesses in the area that include bars, home improvement places, and even a meat shop!
What always impresses me about Greg is that he never gives the impression he doesn't want to be there.
He is a true professional in every sense of the word.
He is always on time, friendly to everybody, takes time to listen to my bad jokes, and just plain, for real, nice!
Remember the song, "King Of Kansas City?" Well, listen to it now, okay?
Well, Greg Batton is in the exact same situation as the dude in this song, except Greg is on the radio...the guy in the song is on TV...the guy in the song drives a Cadillac...Greg drives a Malibu, and Greg did not get a letter from Omaha begging him to come there...at least, as far as I know!
That is my biggest fear!
Greg and Dan are so good, that I'm afraid Chicago, St. Louis, or (heaven forbid) L.A. will scoop them up, and I'll be verklempt the rest of my life!
I'm getting away from the point of the story. Which is...umm...I forgot!
Hey, how's about baby George?
He's really cute, but I heard that Kate said he was a real pain in the...
Oh, WAIT...I'm starting to remember my point!
I GOT IT!
Greg Batton could act like he is way better than the rest of us, self important, aloof, and be a diva like Cher or Alec Baldwin, but he is really super cool!
I really don't know how long my precious blogging opportunity will be opened this time, so I want to write this quickly!
First and foremost, Blogger is absolutely the BEST free blog site that exists!
I tried others while this was down, and they were found lacking in every way.
They were complicated, and did not have all the great tools for creating a blog like Blogger.
I'm not going to bore you with all the details, but Blogger is supreme in my humble opinion!
Second on the agenda is that I learned I really need to share my thoughts and feelings to keep my sanity!
What sanity, you say?
Whatever I have left!
If I keep all my weird, disjointed, far out thoughts and feelings to myself, I become a walking time bomb of misinformation that could implode on myself without any warning!
Wee doggies! That could blow my punkin' hade clean off!
Third and foremost (didn't I already say that?) is the adorable and faithful Yellow Rose, who was having "blog withdrawals" and needed a "funny fix!"
Usually it's only Cheryl (Yellow Rose) that actually comments in the comments section on the blog.
A lot of you make comments on Facebook, but getting a comment on the certified, official comments section of my blog is so AWESOME!
I hope and pray that my blog stays up for a long tom, because I have so many meaningful, brilliant, profound, and hilarious thoughts to share with the whole wide worm before I'm pushin' up daisies!
Here is a little quiz to refresh your brain about my "My Life Is Only For Laughs" blog:
1. What is the official title of this blog?
2. Who is Gary?
3. What is the full name of "Yellow Rose?"
4. What is the royal baby's name? (Not found on my blog)
5. What is the regular official title of Thursday's blog post?
6. Who is the lead singer of Coldplay?
7. What color is Mim Merritt's bike?
8. What is a gounderus?
9. What does Yellow Rose enjoy collecting that may surprise some folks?
10. What unnamed blog writer, song creator, book author, and all around nice guy, is also "bat ship" crazy?
Times up!
Pass your test paper to the front of the class, grab a stick of gum from my desk, and go outside for recess!
I'm not the kind of guy that goes along with the crowd.
You know that from reading my blog all these years.
Did you know this "cryer" was NOT asked to do this?
However, I couldn't help but join in the "Kate Wait," and feel joy when the little baby was born!
First of all, I love babies with all my heart!
Babies that are royal,
Babies that are poor,
Babies in Peoria,
And far off Singapore.
Babies that are white,
Babies that are brown,
Often, black little babies,
Are the cutest ones in town.
Babies when they poop...
Well, as long as mommy changes their di-tee!
Where was I?
Oh, yeah, the future king!
I've heard some folks say that the baby (still don't know his name yet) will be living such a wonderful, carefree life of unending pleasure and joy!
Not true.
I saw a movie once where a boy who was a pauper traded places with a boy who was a prince, and the little pauper boy hated all the constant training, schooling, rules, wearing fancy clothes and stuff he needed to become king.
I'm sure that new baby George or James...whatever, will have to go through all the traditional king training, and will really be bored with much of it, like pauper boy.
Anyway, I'm so happy for William and Kate!
By the way, I could not believe it when I saw William carry the baby out in the baby car seat, put him in the back seat, buckle him in, and then get in the car and drive away!
I thought royalty had "people" to do all that stuff for them!
I think another reason I'm so happy about all of this is because I loved Princess Diana, and I know she is smiling today!
