The Fantasies And Realities Of A Twisted Mind, by Danny Maness
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
WHAZZUP WEDNESDAYS
W
whazzup?
whazzup?
whazzup?
whazzup?
whazzup?
whazzup?
whazzup?
As you may already know, Whazzup Wednesdays is when I ask the questions and U provide the answers.
Answers? That can't be right!
Shouldn't it be ansers?
Why the W in that worm?
I think I'll start saying it the way it's spelled, and see how people react.
Anyway, in just a few nano seconds the questions will begin in earnest. I would have rather had the questions begin in tom, but he wasn't available.
Question 1: Take your right hand and put it on top of your head, (come on, do it, this is interactive blogging) and pat your head to the beat of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" song. This is important, go ahead! I'll wait.
Okay, did you do it?
There's really no question with this. I just wanted to make you do something stupid! HA!
Question 1, redo:
Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp? Who put the ram In the rama lama ding dong? Who put the bop In the bop shoo bop shoo bop? Who put the dip In the dip da dip da dip?
Question Deux: What are 3 differences and 3 similarities between Gumby and Marty Wombacher?
Question Tres: Mr. Big Stuff, who do you think you are?
Question Fore: Who-ou-ou ou, who are you?
Question Fithe: Would you rather have someone give you
$5000.00, or give you a penny on the first day of the month,
and keep doubling the amount for 31 days?
Question Sic: What are the 3 main uses of road kill in Alabama?
Question Severing: 222 alien Glirkazoid spaceships are
traveling at swarp speed to the Blurridian Sector, the
estimated arrival time is 22: 03 Blurridian time.
They enter a brief ion-residue storm that lasts 4.77 dzlecles.
What will be their adjusted arrival time if they don't stop for
gas?
TIMES UP!!
Make sure your name is written on the top right hand of your test paper and mail it to Urkel Press.
Monday, February 4, 2013
♫MADNESS MUSIC MONDAYS♫
My dream has always been to have one of my songs playing on the radio for all the whole wide worm to hear, and then someone would say, wow, this song is awful, how did this crap get on the radio?!!!
I love it when my blog is all about me.
I think I'm funny, talented, good looking, intelligent, a good dancer, great singer,
faithful friend, charismatic, and a BIG LIAR!
♫Madness Music Mondays♫ is my way of tricking unsuspecting victims to listening to the crappy music I've written and recorded over the last 100 years.
No one will be forced to listen to more than 30 seconds of any song presented on this blog, because no one could SURVIVE listening to more than 30 seconds of one of my songs!!
Let's talk about Beethoven. (No, not the Saint Bernard)
We all know that Beethoven was a total Madman, not unlike ME, Danny Madness, and somehow in his crazy, insane, nuttiness, discovered how every single note can move us, one way or another, in an intense emotional way.
If this is getting too deep for ya, I'll let you stop to shake your head.
Ready? Okay.
Let's discuss his Ninth Symphony, if you do not object.
Whatever you do, don't miss this clip! Seriously, you'll feel better!!
What? Stick it where? Does that mean you object? Uh, well...sure...I can make it a bit more user friendly...let's see...
Ludwig could make us feel good, bad, sad, really sad, totally depressed, suicidal, and euphoric , all in one little piece of music, like his Ode To Joy, that is at the end of his, aforementioned, Ninth Symphony, but you already knew that, didn't you? (Phew!!)
Now, here's the point!
What do you mean, you didn't think there WAS a point? (It's on the top of my head!) Get it? Point? On the top of...never mind.
MY music works exactly the way Beethoven's music does, however, Danny Madness' music elicits emotions that Beethoven's music could NEVER, umm. elicit!
For example: Embarrassment, pity, fear of clowns, turtle worship, verklemptability, disdain, and reverse superciliousness.
Now we are going to examine one of my classic songs that was actually picked up by a small record publisher, many, many years ago, but never went anywhere, of course, so I can demonstrate how music can seep way down into your heart, soul, and tummy, to make you extremely nauseous.
You're A Rainbow, I'm The Rain by Danny Madness
Let me decipher the hidden meaning to this song for you, just like we did with the Beatles songs in our misspent, wasted youth:
Lyrics : Meaning:
Everybody loves your smile, You're annoyingly
Everybody knows your name, popular.
Makin' friends is not my style, I'm a sociopath. You're a rainbow, I'm the rain, You're sooo colorful and above the rest of us, and I'm a "wet blanket." When I'm angry, you are kind, You don't ALWAYS call the cops. When things seem hopeless, you remain, Long enough to grab my welfare check. You're always there to ease my mind, I steal your prescription drugs. You're a rainbow, I'm the rain, (See above) Oh, my darling, you're a rainbow, (See above, again) I'm a storm, that can't be tamed, Certified psychotic, criminally insane. You are soft colors, When I'm really high on "acid." I am dark clouds, Deeply depressed and semi-suicidal. You're a rainbow, and I'm the rain, (See above again) You are sweet and good and lovely, When you're sleeping. I am hard, and rough, and plain, Actually, soft, smooth, and strange. How did you ever come to love me? You mistakenly thought daddy would leave me his fortune. You're a rainbow, I'm the rain. (Whatever) Disclaimer: (In case my beautiful wife ever sees this.) Any words you may read in this blog that SEEM to be showing any lack of me completely worshiping you, and adoring you, are meant for humorous entertainment value, only. This is just fantasy, baby, I'm a writer of funny things, and need to make fun of stuff to make others laugh, see?
Hell she never reads my blog, anyway. But, should I take a chance, and push the "publish" button? HMMMM?
Saturday, February 2, 2013
S UR R EA L SATURDAYS SURREAL SURREALSURREALSURREAL SATURDAYS
SURREAL SATURDAYSS UR R EA L SATURDAYS U R S UR R EA L SATURDAYS SURREALEA SURREALSATURDAYSS UR R EA L SATURDAYS
You mugs can't keep me in dis joint, I'll lick my way outta here!
I'm not sure if I'll ever find a Saturday more surreal than this one!!
First of all, today is my favorite holiday; Groundhog day!
Why is it my favorite holiday?
Because it is so WEIRD, brudder!
Extremely WEIRD...
First of all, today is my favorite holiday; Groundhog day!
Why is it my favorite holiday?
Because it is so WEIRD, brudder!
Extremely WEIRD...
First of all, today is my favorite holiday; Groundhog day!
Why is it my favorite holiday?
Because it is so WEIRD, brudder!
Extremely WEIRD...
Yeah, sure..this is perfectly normal..Okaaaay!!
The poor, pathetic looking Groundhog is pulled out of his home to face a bunch of seriously crazy people, dressed in strange outfits, to force him to forecast the weather?
Come on! What holiday is stranger than that?
I love things that absolutely make no sense!
In the past I've made groundhog cakes out of Hostess Cupcakes (cry, sniff, I guess that won't happen anymore), given gifts of little stuffed animal groundhogs, and I even wrote a Groundhog Day Song! (All true!)
Here is another reason today is soooo surreal.
Greg and Dan played my new "Jamaican" theme song I wrote for The Greg And Dan Radio Show!
I wrote their Funsday Wednesday Jingle that they play on A.D.D. Wednesdays, and NOW they played my new Jamaican theme song on Friday, which along with Groundhog Day, is making things on Surreal Saturday, righteously, and super abundantly...
SURREALSURREALSURREALSURREALSURREALSURREAL
The beer helps, too!
Now, how did that song go?
Groundhog Day Song
by
Danny Maness
Sung to the tune of the famous Beatles classic, "Yesterday."
I am re-posting this from Feb. 1st, because I have to visit my son today in Sheridan, Illinois, and it takes up most of the day, and because I don't think my Yellow Rose of Texas ever saw this.
Thanks for your indulgence!
FAN FRIDAYS
Where I talk about my all tom favorite entertainers, and just plain cool people!
I meant to write tom, I'm weird that way!
TEXAS BRUCE
A.K.A. HARRY GIBBS
1917-2008
Harry Cochran Gibbs, a local television actor and announcer best known for his role as Texas Bruce on KSD-TV's "Wranglers Club," died Friday (July 18, 2008) at Surrey Place in Chesterfield. He was 91 and a resident of Webster Groves.
As the lean, soft-spoken cowboy named Texas Bruce, Mr. Gibbs entertained thousands of young buckaroos in St. Louis every weekday afternoon from 1950 to 1963. Prior to Texas Bruce, Mr. Gibbs worked as a performer and announcer at KSD.
Mr. Gibbs was born in Wagon Mound, N.M. He earned a bachelor's degree in drama from Washington University in 1941. He then served as an officer in the Marines in World War II...
Above is a portion of the obituary for Harry Cochran Gibbs (flash to Jethro Gibbs), that did not even scratch the surface of what this man meant to the children of the St. Louis area from 1950 to 1963, and beyond!
There was never a better role model for kids, who not only brought us our beloved Lil' Rascals and other cool stuff, but would stop and take the time to talk to us about being safe, and right and wrong.
He was a really cool "cowboy" who didn't talk in a silly, wacky voice, but with his natural, New Mexico accent.
If you are from St. Louis, and watched his show, would I be wrong in saying we LOVED this man?
Our dads may have been at work, but we had Texas Bruce to talk to us, and make us feel warm and secure.
The area kids were invited to the show, and it was a badge of honor to be there, and have the awesome privilege to say Hi!..
to your friends and family through the MIRACLE of television!
Remember television was NEW in the 50's!
Rumor has it, that one kid gave "the finger" to the camera and said, "This is for you, Bernie!...or something like that...but I don't know if that has ever been confirmed.
This is for you, Bernie!
I would have given anything to be on the show, but I was never part of a "group."
The show always seemed to have kids in "groups," like the Boy Scouts, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, Brownies, Weebloes, and such.
Even at the age of 5, I was a loner on the dirty, mean streets of St. Louis. (Dee-Dee, stay out of this, LOL!)
I know what you may be thinking...Why are you writing about Texas Bruce in 2013 when he passed in 2008?
Because, I needed to!
Hasta La Vista Vaqueros!!
by Danny BRUCE Maness...Rumor has it, mom named me after him.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS
Soft, relaxing, soothing colors are a real must for "Thoughtful Thursdays."
Another vital ingredient is a free soul, a lot of "Boulder Brownies," Seattle Smokes," or good, old fashioned booze.
