JUST SAYIN' SATURDAY

Have you ever tried to tell someone how you feel about a mildly impotant subject (impotant?) and when they take an opposite view that is more profound than yours, you tell them, "Just sayin'.

Translated...I'm just using my First Amendment rights and telling you what I think...even if it's incorrect.

With this in mind, I'm introducing Just Sayin' Saturday to give myself the soul freeing opportunity to say whatever I want , no matter how wrong it is! HA!

Since I'm not posting my blog on Facebook anymore, I want to talk about all of the thankless, jealous, so-called friends that ignore almost everything I used to share there! Share there...I made a rhyme! Cool!!

I ALWAYS try to at least "like" and usually make a comment on my friends and families posts, even if it's something they've copied and pasted! I appreciate the message they are trying to convey. Most importantly, I want them to feel like I'm not ignoring them!

In my case, almost everything I post is original comedy or music. Some of the videos I post take me days to do, and I want to brighten the days of my family and friends, so I really don't get why 80% of the people I love skip over my stuff.

Maybe they just miss my posts, right? 

No way, because I test it out from time to time by posting very controversial things about trashing Obamacare, or mutilating the baby killers, or loving Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh. 

EVERYBODY sees those posts! Take my worm for it! 

The beauty of this blog, now, is that none of the Facebookers see it anymore, and I can get this off my chest with absolutely no repercussions!

Of course, this does NOT apply to my wonderful wife, Donna, Cheryl Mim Yellow Rose Merritt, Kiel Villeneuve, Denise Sparkman Grant..who care enough to make me feel like I truly exist! 

All of you others, who don't care about my feelings can "fart up a rope!" Just sayin'!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Last Wednesday we found our valiant adventurers in trouble with...why don't I just copy and paste what happened last week to save tom. (Tom would appreciate it!)

All of a sudden, our heroes find themselves surrounded by 100 angry Gluptillians, all decked out in their scary war stuff!

War paint on their creepy, six eyed faces, wearing yakmuk fur on their muscular, scarred bodies, swords, knives, hatchets, and cork screws hanging from their belts, and holding emusificator weapons in their extra large, grotesque, gnarly hands! 

Gary swang into action (if swang is actually a word) and began to use the ancient, Glirkazoid marshall art of keekyo bot, that the Gluptillians found very funny, with Gary swinging his little arms around, kicking into the air and yelling HI-YA! In fact, they all started laughing so hard, and rolling on the ground, Yellow Rose and Gary were able to easily escape!

Gary and Yellow Rose hide in the bushes. Gary is out of breath when he says, "Those...(breath)...dudes...(breath)...are lucky I...(breath)...let them off so easy! 

Yellow Rose - "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Let them off so easy?! Gary! The Gluptillians are some of the mightiest, fiercest, warriors in the universe! Remember, we were sent here to stop them from their warring ways that they've embraced for millions of septons!!"

Gary - "Well, what were you gonna do, Yellow Rose, give them a flower?! Hmmmm?"

Yellow Rose - "Of course not (cough, cough), I was gonna (cough) talk to them (cough, cough) about..."

Gary - "Are you okay, Y.R.? 

Yellow Rose - I'm fine (cough) Gary, I ...

At this,Yellow Rose passes out! 

Gary - ROSIE! Wake up! What's wrong girl! Can you hear me?!

Yellow Rose is non-responsive, and Gary has no choice but to carry her out to the Gluptillians and beg for mercy! He knew the Gluptillians were all medical experts, due to the constant battle injuries they have had to deal with over eons of time. He went down on his knees and pleaded with them to help his faithful partner, Yellow Rose!

The leader of the Gluptillian dudes was known as Flesh Shredder, he spoke to Gary in an eerie, gravelly voice, and said, "Why should we help a puny, miserable Glirkazoid like her? She means nothing to us!"

Gary - "Yellow Rose is known throughout the entire universe ( except for here) as the kindest, sweetest, most compassionate, caring life form in existence! Remember when the Viagrans were about to destroy themselves, and some mysterious force saved the whole bunch of them?"

Flesh Shredder - Sure! That's on all the history files, and the Viagrans are second cousins to the Gluptillians!

Gary - "Well, that "mysterious force" that saved your cousins was my friend here, Yellow Rose!"

Flesh Shredder - "Do you expect us to believe that? We are not fools, green boy!"

Gary - "Look at what's around her neck." 

Flesh Shredder bends down and gently picks up the shiny medallion that is hanging on a chain around Yellow Rose's neck.

In total disbelief he whispers, "Why, this is the medallion of Vigros! This is the greatest honor the Viagrans can give to the bravest, wisest, most celebrated life form on their planet! What you are saying is true, tall eyes!!

Gary - "She is very, very sick! Would you PLEASE make her well? I don't know what the universe would do without her!"

Flesh Shredder - "Do you think she would be willing to help us end our wars if we restore her health?"

Gary - "Is a pig's butt pork?"

Flesh Shredder - "What?"

Gary - "I mean, SURE SHE WOULD!"

Flesh Shredder retrieves a small stone from the small man-purse on his belt. The stone begins to glow as he holds it over Y.R's body! All of a sudden, Yellow Rose opens her eyes, and groggily says, "Did you get the license number of that bus?"

Gary - "Yellow Rose! Yellow Rose! I'm so happy you're not sick anymore!" Now you need to bring peace to Glupterous so they don't kill us!"

Yellow Rose - "I'll get right on it, Gary. As soon as I "toss my cookies!" Bluurrpp!!

Well, well, well...happily, Yellow Rose used her extensive amount of charm and weaponry to bring peace to the Gluptillians, who were so grateful they awarded her the golden statue of Globus, and Gary was very proud of his faithful cohort, and Gary was very jealous!!

SWEET SUNDAY SONG

My super sweet granddaughter, Autumn.

This is my sweet Sunday song,

All fresh and clean on a Sunday morn',

Thinkin' 'bout peace on this earth,

Here's my idea, for what it's worth.

Keep on love, love, lovin' your brother,

It's really not that hard to do,

Show respect for your Dad and your Mother,

Good things will come back to you.

When you walk outside greet your neighbor,

A smile can work wonders today,

When you can, do others a favor,

Then God's blessings will be on the way.

This is my sweet Sunday song,

Yeah, it's corny and sappy all through,

However, you know in your heart,

That all that I'm sayin' is true.

Keep on love, love, lovin' yourself now,

Forget all the bad things you've done,

Put all your worries on the shelf now,

As your soul shines bright as the sun.

Thank Jesus for showing us mercy,

Kindness, goodness, and love,

If we walk in his steps we will soon see,

All the blessings that come from above.

This is my sweet Sunday song,

Thank God for the joy that he brings,

This is my sweet Sunday song,

I hope all the earth one day sings...

This is my sweet Sunday song...

Saturday Salutations

A salutation is a polite expression of greeting or goodwill. (For all of you in Goofy Ridge)

Happiness fills my old grumpy heart when I find that 25 good people viewed my blog yesterday, in spite of it not being posted on Fazeboog!

25 viewers is more than enough to encourage me to continue on with my blog, namely..."My Life Is Only For Laughs."

What an appropriate name, too, because I never really accomplished anything of any impotance in my life. On the other hand, I guess about EVERYTHING I did was impotent, just not important!

Are you with me on this? Since my life will never make any difference to the world, or folks in general...my life is only for laughs!

Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to make a great scientific discovery, found a cure for the common cold, or wrote a profound, thought provoking novel (instead of my book Chickens' Butts and Coconuts), that would be in lye-berries all over the whole wide worm, but alas, such tings will never be! (What tings?)

I suppose that it's okay...I mean...my life being only for laughs and all. Look at Don Knotts. From the tom he was on the Steve Allen Show as the "nervous" guy on the street, to portraying Barney Fife, to making funny, funny movies, HIS life was only for laughs. Only one big difference between him and me...he made a zillion dollars making folks laugh, and I've made el zippo! 

The view counter says that 26,038 viewers have viewed my blog! I do not believe it, because I rarely receive any comments, except from my stunningly beautiful wife, Donna, my ever faithful friend Yellow Rose Mim Cheryl Merritt, and the also stunningly beautiful Kiel Villeneuve. (Just kidding Kiel, later on let's go play some rugby, eat pork rinds with some of that ghost pepper sauce, and crack our knuckles!)

Since my life is only for laughs, it does give me a feeling of freedom, reckless abandon, and fun, because I'm a role model to nobody, not responsible for nuthin', and pretty much go unnoticed by the muggers! That ain't bad, is it?

So to make a long story even longer...uh...crap...I forgot what I was gonna say! 

Anyway...have a laughter filled Saturday!!

FREE FUN FRIDAY...FINALLY!

What a great feeling of freedom, relief, 
and reckless abandon permeates my soul as I wake up this mornin' in May with the knowledge that I don't have to post my blog episodes on 
FAZEBOOG anymore!!

Long after I've passed on to that big fishin' hole in the sky, a whole new generation of really cool folks will discover my blog and say, "WOW! This is the work of a mad genius, who was beau coup FUNNY!

THEN...all of the numb skulls that ignored my blog on Fazeboog will be really, really sorry!!

What? They will be dead too? Oh, yeah...I didn't think this through, did I?

Okay...okay...how about this. By next year my blog catches fire (not literally) with the masses of all different races, creeds, cultures, groups, and clubs, so much that someone does a Broadway play, movie, and gripping documentary of my not so exciting life, ALL BASED ON MY BLOG! 

THEN...Ha Ha...THEN ...all of the knuckleheads that ignored my blog on Fazeboog will feel like horses rear ends!!

 Here's what cracks me up to the Nth degree...probably no one will ever actually read this!!!

HA HA HA HA HA! Isn't that a scream! I'm writing all of this hysterically, high-larious, shtick, and absolutely no one will ever see it but God!

I sure hope he has a sense of humor. 

Well, sure he does! Didn't he create otters, platypuses, and Martin Short? 

At this point in tom, I'm going to write down how many views I have on my blog right now, and then see if the views have gone up any tomorrow to see if by some sort of miracle somebody viewed this.

26,013

MY FINAL BLOG ON FACEBOOK

Now everybody get out the Kleenex because this is my last blog on Facebook.

I'll still do my blog on Blogger from tom to tom, but it's not worth all the work when I only get 2 or 3 views each day on Facebook, and almost no comments. (Some of you get more comments on your pictures of food.)

So, bye bye miss American Pie!

Thanks to the ones who faithfully commented and liked my blog, like my lovely wife, Donna, Cheryl Mim Yellow Rose Merritt, Kiel Villeneuve, Denise Sparkman Grant, and others from tom to tom!

I think you are the greatest in the whole wide worm!!

Danny Maness

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

STRIKES AGAIN!!

In our last stimulating, extraordinary episode, Gary and Yellow Rose were hightailin' it to the planet of Glupterous to put them in a "time out," so to speak, because they were not "playing nice together," so to speak, and were even "emulsificating" one another, FOR SURE!

The foreboding landscape of Glupterous was made even more foreboding by the constant volcanic activity, smoke, ash, earthquakes, mudslides, sink holes, pot holes, and cracked sidewalks!

No wonder the Gluptillians were so cranky!

The great and powerful High Supreme Glirkheads had handpicked Yellow Rose to bring peace to the warring planet of Glupterous because she was just so sweet, positive, and had an awesome gun collection. Gary tagged along for comic relief.










Needless to say, landing the Silver Sausage on Glupterous was not a "piece of cake." Absolutely NOT! A piece of cake is soft, sweet, moist, and delicious, but this landing was hard, bumpy, shaky, and unappetizing! In fact, Gary "tossed his cookies"upon landing!

Yellow Rose - "Gary, did you REALLY have to "toss your cookies" upon landing?"

Gary - "What's the big deal? They were still in the package, and I don't eat lemon cookies, anyway! My mom put 'em in my lunch."

Yellow Rose - "Ha Ha Ha! Your mom?! Anyway, it's just not nice to litter all the planets we land on."

Gary - "You must be kidding, Yellow Rose! The hot lava will burn up the package in a few seconds, or the fearsome cookie monsters will grab the cookies before they hit the lava, or..."

Yellow Rose - "Okay...okay, I get it! Now let's proceed to the task at hand."

Gary - "What was the task again?"

Yellow Rose - "Good grief! Just follow me, Gary, and try to stay out of trouble."

Gary - "When have I ever got into trouble, Y.R.?

Yellow Rose - "Name one tom you HAVEN'T got into trouble, Gary!"

Gary - "Uh...umm...Hey, isn't it time for our break?!"

Yellow Rose - "We just got here!" You're trying to change the sub..."

All of a sudden, our heroes find themselves surrounded by 100 angry Gluptillians, all decked out in their scary war stuff!

War paint on their creepy, six eyed faces, wearing yakmuk fur on their muscular, scarred bodies, swords, knives, hatchets, and cork screws hanging from their belts, and holding emusificator weapons in their extra large, grotesque, gnarly hands! 

Join us next Wednesday to see what happens to Yellow Rose and Gary!

Will they survive? Will they be emulsificated? 

Will Gary do or say something stupid, and get them in to deeper trouble than what they already have?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Tuesday Afternoon

TUESDAY AFTERNOON

I Googled Justin Hayward, who wrote the song, Tuesday Afternoon, to find the hidden meaning that I thought would be a deep, deep mystery! It isn't.

Mr. Hayward explained it a number of years ago very simply. Quote: 
 "I sat down in a field, smoked a funny African cigarette, and that song just came out. It was a Tuesday afternoon."

I believe him, but I was hoping for a much cooler answer. For instance..."I was working on a shrimp boat for an old man who had sailed around the world scores of times."

"He told the tale of a meeting up with a wrinkled face man from Sri Lanka with a peg leg, who claimed his natural leg was sucked off by a giant squid. This proved to be a blessing to the man, because he became a smuggler, and would hide precious diamonds, from Africa, in a hollowed out part of his wooden leg where no one ever thought to look. "

"As fate would have it, his diamond smuggling allowed him to meet many rich and powerful people. The greatest of these was the eccentric recluse, Howard Hughes."

"The old sailor/smuggler felt sorry for the pitiful billionaire, and asked him if he didn't long for being outside, among friends, and wearing shoes instead of shoe boxes."

Hughes said, "Sure I do, but look at me with this scraggly, dirty long hair, 6 inch long fingernails, and shoe boxes on my feet...I'm afraid everyone will stare at me, make fun of me, and beg money from me."

"Are you kidding, Howie? I've got a peg leg! A peg leg trumps just about everything, short of two heads! They will all be staring at me!"

"So the old "salt" and Howard Hughes had the most wonderful day walking through the park amongst the trees and enjoying the beauty of the natural surroundings! It happened to be on a Tuesday."

"Howard was so thankful that he gave the ancient seaman 10 million dollars for his kindness!"

"So after I heard that fascinating, seafarin', compelling story, I wrote Knights In White Satin!"

MONDAY MUSINGS

I thought you would like to see how Breanna and Brooklin are doing, as of yesterday, when I took them to church, because their mom is recovering from surgery.

Although, Breanna will be having another surgery again on Wednesday, both girls are strong and in good spirits!

Your prayers and financial support have been such an awesome blessing to the Heeren family!