MAYBE I'M JOST MISTUNDERSOOD

Treeless flights of transferable wilderness will rove aboot in epidemia forever, with significant, spellbinding lizardy amongst the belligerent cees. 

It's disguised in lavender mist, lavender kissed in the eerie morn', for the easy, breezy negotiators of the 7th dimensional realm of being.

How deep and dreamy are the fungus laden peace pods a-waiting consumption by the Plutorian population who are unaware of the mysterious properties in the "pods," turning them yellow...ssslowwwly...blue...ssssllloooowly...imaginating ......things...soft...flexible...yellowssslowwwly...blue...ssssllloooowly...imaginating ...things...soft...flexible...yellow...ssslowwwly...blue...ssssllloooowly...imaginating ...things...soft...flexible...

Skyless transparent monkey paws hover above the cremational segment of the pure facilities, cleansed by faux fire ever so painstakingly, with arrested ambivalence and irreverence every Tuesday afternoon.

Being mistundersood is never, ever, ever a ripe banana, or kitty vomit, as everyone nose, It's just what it is, bro.

Ask Danny...The Answer Man

Dear Danny...Every tom I walk to the Dollar Store to buy my cigarettes, an alien spacecraft follows me back and forth, and shoots a green, glowin' liquid into my ears! What should I do? 

Signed, Clem

Dear Clem...Don't go to the Dollar Store.

Dear Danny...I have a talking dog. He can recite the Gettysburg Address, the Pledge of Allegiance, and name all of the books of the bible! Do you think I should try to get him on T.V.?

From Lucy.

Dear Lucy...He sounds a bit too conservative for the prime time shows, unless he's gay. Maybe Fox news would have him on if he could learn a few anti-Obama slogans.

Dear Danny..We are planning a trip around the world! We want to go to all of the most exclusive places, eat only the most expensive gourmet foods, bring hundreds of our friends with us, and not pay a dime! How do we do that?

Signed, Barack and Michelle Obama

Dear Barack and Michelle...That was NOT funny!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The vast landscape of the purple, mountainous, rainy planet of Schnooks seemed to go on forever, as Gary and Yellow Rose flew their shuttle craft at tree top level, in search of the two headed Deetommumsthewitch Beast!

"This is like finding a beagle in a smokestack," Gary whined to Yellow Rose!

"Gary, if you don't know those ancient earth sayings, don't even try quoting them," Yellow Rose said in a frustrated way.

"I thought that was right, Yellow Rose!" Is it "an eagle in a knapsack?"

"No, Gary!"

"How about "a beetle in a ..."

"STOP! STOP! A needle in a haystack, a needle in a haystack, Gary!"

"Oh, yeah, that's it! What's a haystack, Yellow Rose?"

The scene now changes to the dark, damp rain forest of Schnooks, where we hear the rustling of leaves, and then start to see the dim, hazy outline of a creature far too frightening to describe at this point in the story!

Back to the shuttle craft...shuttle, shuttle!

"Gary, do you know why we are on this mission to capture the Deetommumsthewitch Beast, everything was so hush, hush before we lifted off Glirka."

I did not get the official report, Yellow Rose, but rumor has it the Deetommumsthewitch Beast landed on the planet of Amoxicill and ate the whole population!

"What was the population, Gary?" 

"222! After that, the beast went planet hopping...burning, looting, emulsificating, cannibalizing, and generally having a great time in a beastly sort of way!

The stare-o-scope begins to beep...beep...beep...and the image of a two headed beast appears on the screen. Gary and Yellow Rose immediately land the shuttle craft (shuttle, shuttle) where the coordinates shewed where the beast doth dwell!

"Wow, Yellow Rose! The two suns of Schnooks are rising! That's good, because "the whirly bird catches the word!" 

"What did you say, Gary?"

"Uh, I mean, "the early berm catches the warm, Yellow Rose!"

"The early worm catches the bird?"

"Gary! Gary! "It's the early bird that catches the worm, but we ain't birds, and that gigantic, two headed beast in front of you is no worm!"

The two headed beast moves closer and closer to our heroes and our brave adventures do not back down! 

As the beast moves slowly into the light, Yellow Rose notices that both faces of the beast are smiling, and Gary sees that it has flowers in both hands! What gives? This is not a murderous, blood thirsty beast! 

Gary quickly messages the High Glirkheads and asks them why the Deetommumsthewitch Beast needed to be picked up, and they tell Gary it is to bring the sweet creature back to receive a universal award for kindness to creatures great and small!

After Yellow Rose hears this she is upset with Gary for saying the Beast was a killer, cannibal!

Gary says, "I said they were just rumors!"

BLOGGADOCIOUS 222

by Danny Maness

Ellen had Sia on her show, singing the song Chandelier, with that 11 year old dancer who looks naked, but is wearing a thin body suit that really is embarrassing to an old septuagenarian like me. (Okay, I'm not a septuagenarian yet, but I love using that word)

I don't know where to begin, because EVERYTHING made me feel so uncomfortable, creepy, icky, and DUMBFOUNDED, very DUMBFOUNDED!

Maybe I should start at the moment Ellen introduced Sia, but explained Sia would not be looking at the camera. 
Huh? My first thought was maybe she shouldn't have chosen showbiz as a profession. 

After that, I see the stage setting of a bedroom and there is a silhouette of a naked girl in the window, looking right at the camera! 

Now this is confusing, and it gets more confusing when Sia starts dancing all around the room, making weird faces at the cockadoodie camera!! What gives!! I thought she wasn't gonna...but wait...who is that standing in the corner with her back to the audience?!

Oh my, how absolutely odd! The dancer is not Sia at all! The dancer is a skinny 11 year old girl rolling, writhing, and making the silliest faces while in a "birthday suit" kind of thingy!

The one that is standing in the corner like a schoolgirl who had misbehaved is...Sia! WHAT? WHAT?

Being a child of the 50's and 60's I understand "gimmicks" to make a band or a performer stand out.
Everybody had a gimmick!

The Beatles - Their hair.
Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull - Standing on one foot.
The Who - Rock Opera
Kiss - Do I really need to explain this?
Richie Havens - Hypnotic, powerful rhythmic guitar playing.
Devo - Hats.
Elvis - Shaking his pelvis.
Smashing Pumpkins - Smashing pumpkins.

Gimmicks I can handle...but watching someone standing in a dark corner of a bedroom, singing to the wall...while a little girl hops, skips, jumps, gyrates, does really wacky facial movements, and causes herself to be ogled by 5 million people all over the world is difficult for my dilapidated brain to wrap around!

BLOGGADOCIOUS 222

by Danny Maness

Someday in some future time (after I'm good and dead) a historectical scientifical dude will find a small sampling of Bloggadocious 222 by Danny Maness , and proclaim it to be like a cross between Mark Twain, Gary Larson, and Beethoven. (Not the composer, the St. Bernard)

At this pernt in time, no one realizes what a genius I am, in the same exact way people didn't recognize the genius of Moat-zart until he was deader than a dead stinking albatross on the beach, after 14 days.

Andy Kaufman is another one who really took off after his death! (Who thought wrestling women would be so entertaining, huh?) (Who thought lip syncing to the Mighty Mouse song would be so amusing, huh?)

I almost lost my place, ha ha ha, assuming I had a place, ha ha hee! When the scientifical, paleontoginist, historectimus discovers a wee portion of my extinct blog and shows it to a handful of other SPH's, the word will spread like while-far and everyone will be looking for bits and pizzas of my blog! Tiny, itty bitty pieces of ANYTHING I ever wrote will become priceless...PRICELESS, I say!!! Absolutely worth a LOT of cold hard cash!!

If you had enough guts to read this far, you have already concluded that my writing is real crappy, and are asking how this could become priceless, right?

Don't forget...we're talking FUTURE here! Probably in the year of 3535 when practically all forms of literature, entertainment, and happiness have been obliterated, and people will be starving for something...ANYTHING to divert their cyborg brains away from the lifeless planet we used to call earth!

In fact, the words you have just read will be like the Declaration Of Inter-dependence, to the future, twisted mutants that survive the 99.9% destruction of our pitiful, doomed planet! 

So go ahead, mock...ridicule...make fun...humiliate...make silly faces...have someone get down on their hands and knees behind me, while you push me over backwards...give me a noogie...it is all meaningless in the endless river of time! One day, in the distant future, my unique writing will be the Constitution of the Brave New World! 

Heaven help them!

BLOGGADOCIOUS 222

by Danny Maness

Sunday and me used to sing together in sweet harmony...or is it Sunday and I that went together like ice cream and apple pie...oh, I don't know why, but it's not a lie!

Lately, Sunday's feel just the same as the other days all filled with pain, especially when it rains, and Benji Boo calls out my name, to take him for walk.

Even Benji has been very sick, each night we watch him like a hawk, he had 13 seizures the other night, is that medicine working, or is that just talk?!

I guess that since I'm retired, Sundays mean far less, this used to be the only day when I felt free from stress, but now since every day looks like the one before, Sundays aren't the special thrill to this guy, anymore.

The problem could be I worry too much, about bills, and health, and things, as a child I worried not about all that living brings, the food was on the table, the health was in my bones, I had a roof up over my head, and I never felt alone.

Oh, the things that I would change, if I could do it over again, I'd use my brain, and be more kind to family and friends. 

Seriously, does it matter? If I altered the "Great Plan",

I know deep down that I would end up right here where I am!

BLOGGADOCIOUS 222

MY NEW BLOG

What is life without new beginnings, fresh starts, second chances, and blessed forgiveness?

Nuthin', right?

Remember how I promised I'd never post my blog on Fazebook again, and how surprised you are to be reading this blog on Fazebook, and think I'm a big fat liar?

Well, this is not that blog! This is my NEW blog! The blog I told you I'd never put on Fazebook again, was my old "My Life Is Only For Laughs," blog, whereas, this is my new, Bloggadocious 222 blog! 

A moment with Angels is better than money...

Angels are adorable, happy and funny...

They will always stick in my memory...

To set my spirit soaring free...

Whenever I need peace and harmony...

 For the times I ask, "To be or not to be."

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

 

Spiraling through a sea of amazing, ever changing colors, while feeling the static pin pricks from the ion residue, was a normal part of time travel. Gary was used to this, but he didn't expect such a bumpy landing back on his home planet of Glirka! Of course, since Gary doesn't wear clothes, it caused a few scrapes and bruises on his little body!

Gary had just returned from the year 1950 in Earth years, when one of the unsung heroes of Earth was born, and humans all over their world celebrated "Danny Days!"

It just so happened that today was Gary's birthday, and he wondered if he would one day be honored like Danny!

Yellow Rose welcomes Gary back and has him enter the de-ionization chamber without a word about his birthday.

Gary - (Talking to Y.R. from the chamber) "Wow, Yellow Rose, they sure had a fantastic BIRTHDAY celebration on Earth!"

Yellow Rose, looking at a magazine..."That's nice."

Gary - "I think it would be AWESOME to have people celebrate MY BIRTHDAY like that!"

Yellow Rose - (Not looking up from her magazine) "Uh huh."

Gary - "Is there something you might have forgotten, my faithful friend?"

Yellow Rose - "Gary! Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry, buddy! I forgot to take you out of the de-ionization chamber in time! Now you're gonna be a bit wrinkled the rest of the day!

Gary - (Dejectedly stepping out of the chamber) "That's okay Y.R. I'll go home and press myself."

As Gary walks through the Space Community Compound, he bumps into a bunch of his old friends and partners who have known him for most of his 222,000 parsecs of life.

Not one of them remembered his birthday!

Gary starts mumbling to himself as he walks home looking down at the ground..."Well, ain't this a crappy birthday...I thought my friends loved me...maybe I ticked them all off without knowing it...it almost makes me want to cry, but I'm too tough to cry...I'm a legendary hero...legendary heroes don't cry.........

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Gary reaches his home and sadly opens the front door....

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yellow Rose had organized the biggest surprise party for Gary that Glirka had ever seen! There were more than a thousand fellow Glirkazoids, and many creatures from various and diverse galaxies! 

Gary - "This is wonderful, Yellow Rose! I thought nobody cared about me."

Yellow Rose - "You are such a dumb head, Gary! Everybody loves you, and especially me!"

Gary - "Wha,wha..what did you just say? You LOVE me?"

Yellow Rose - "Of course!" Just like I love my grandpa."

Gary - "Oh, uh, yeah, that's what I thought you meant, Y.R."

Yellow Rose - (Raises her glass in a toast) "Happy Birthday my lifelong friend, and may your days prove to be long and prosperous!"

Gary felt the warm tingle of being loved!

JUST SAYIN' SATURDAY

Have you ever tried to tell someone how you feel about a mildly impotant subject (impotant?) and when they take an opposite view that is more profound than yours, you tell them, "Just sayin'.

Translated...I'm just using my First Amendment rights and telling you what I think...even if it's incorrect.

With this in mind, I'm introducing Just Sayin' Saturday to give myself the soul freeing opportunity to say whatever I want , no matter how wrong it is! HA!

Since I'm not posting my blog on Facebook anymore, I want to talk about all of the thankless, jealous, so-called friends that ignore almost everything I used to share there! Share there...I made a rhyme! Cool!!

I ALWAYS try to at least "like" and usually make a comment on my friends and families posts, even if it's something they've copied and pasted! I appreciate the message they are trying to convey. Most importantly, I want them to feel like I'm not ignoring them!

In my case, almost everything I post is original comedy or music. Some of the videos I post take me days to do, and I want to brighten the days of my family and friends, so I really don't get why 80% of the people I love skip over my stuff.

Maybe they just miss my posts, right? 

No way, because I test it out from time to time by posting very controversial things about trashing Obamacare, or mutilating the baby killers, or loving Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh. 

EVERYBODY sees those posts! Take my worm for it! 

The beauty of this blog, now, is that none of the Facebookers see it anymore, and I can get this off my chest with absolutely no repercussions!

Of course, this does NOT apply to my wonderful wife, Donna, Cheryl Mim Yellow Rose Merritt, Kiel Villeneuve, Denise Sparkman Grant..who care enough to make me feel like I truly exist! 

All of you others, who don't care about my feelings can "fart up a rope!" Just sayin'!