Ten Incomplete Facts About Snow

1. Snow is NOT angel dandruff. 

2. Snow will NOT shut you in your home for months on end, so no need to stock up your root cellar with 6 months of non-perishable food, unless you live in some arctic region of the world.

3. Snow is very slippery, so slow down your walking, driving and exuberant dancing in it.

4. Yellow snow usually appears after a dog takes a walk. A mystery that still remains a...umm...mystery to the uninitiated. If no dogs have been around, you have some uninhibited, beer drinking neighbors, I suspect.

5. Snow is always white, which makes it racist, wealthy, and a Trump supporter. 

6. There are 50 words for snow in the Eskimo language, even more words in Chicago truck driver language. 

 

7. Snow is NOT angels bowling. That's what makes THUNDER, silly. 

8. God made snow for KIDS to sled on, build snowmen, snow people, have snow ball fights, create snow forts, and all the rest of us have to tolerate the "white death," as I like to call it. 

9. Snow has always diminished in intensity and inches over history. Just ask our parents, and grandparents, and great grandparents, and...

10. Twelve inches of snow in Alabama is "SNOWMAGEDDON," on the other hand, twelve inches of snow in Minnesota is "hold my beer, bros., while I take my clothes off and slide down the hill into the river again!"

    Using actual photos of unclad humans is stickly prohibited, thank goodness!  

As you can imagine, I could go on and on, all day, talking about snow, but as Charles Dudley Warner used to say, "Everybody TALKS about the weather, but NOBODY does anything about it!"

Ain't THAT the truth! 

No Theme...Just Freestylin'

Oft times, I sit down here in front of my Sony monitor that came with my original Sony computer that is now in computer heaven, but replaced by a Dell computer providing images on my old Sony screen/monitor, and I just start writing stuff.

It's loads of fun for me, but maybe intolerable for you readers who enjoy having a theme.

I enjoy keeping with a theme, but as I grow older, crankier, and more forgetful, I either forget what the theme is, get too cranky to care, or get anxious for my nap and dispense with a theme altogether.

On the other hand, my conscience bugs me when I don't give you guys...and gals...I thorough, full bodied, comprehensive blog article that makes you say to yourself, "Self, Danny's blog article was REALLY full bodied and comprehensive today...he must be taking his meds again!"

To be totally transparent, I feel like my last couple of articles were not up to snuff, when I shared my phone conversation with "The Donald" and my bizarre infatuation with "The Twilight Zone."

What? Why did I do that? Because my weak, decrepit mind could not think of anything better at the time. I should apologize for those poor excuses for entertainment, but I'm way too proud to humble myself like that. 

The one thing I don't want my blog to be is boring. Even though it is! 

I strive to say things that will surprise you, without shocking you. Make you laugh, without offending you...too much. Raise you up, without bringing myself down to the lowest depths of human existence. 

I remember the day my grandpa picked up a big flat bug that was lazily crawling across his pasture, down in Southeast Missouri. The bug began to click, like those metal bugs with the painted spots we would win as consolation prizes at the carnival. I said, in amazement, "What kind of bug is that, grandpa?" He bent down, with the bug still clicking in his hand, and said, "That's a clickin' bug."

So simple, transparent, honest, thoughtful and kinda funny, all at the same time. I've NEVER forgotten his illuminating worms..words, and I believe it will be unforgettable to y'all as well.

When I write with a reckless abandon, as I'm doing at this very moment in tom, I tend to call it "freestylin'." (Let's leave Tom outta this, okay?)

Freestylin' is like getting into the pilot seat of a 747 and taking off, with no flight instruction whatsoever, giving a speech in front of the Academy Of Arts And Sciences with no notes (like they all do), maneuvering your mountain bike down Mt. Everest with no thoughts of death and dismemberment. 

Yeah, that's the way it should ALWAYS be when I write my blog! No fear! Leap of faith land! Disengage all inhibitions and let it go!

However, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or step on anybody's toes, or make you feel like you have no voice on my blog. I welcome any and all comments, gladly...good or bad. 

Although, I would rather not see cursing, snarkyness, mean spirited comments, animal bashing, inappropriate sexual content, racial slurs, religious discrimination, fat shaming, skinny shaming, prejudicial judgement, White Castle hating, and making fun of people who are different than you.

In the words of the Beatles...

The 2018-19 New Years Twilight Zone Marathon Made Me Marvel

I watched a lot of the Twilight Zone Marathon that comes on every year, even though I have seen every episode many times. 

Here is what I marvel at...

 The Twilight Zone was better than ANYTHING we have on TV here in 2019, even though...

1. They had a low budget with cheap sets.

2. No CGI (Computer Generated Images)

3. Mostly unknown actors. (Even though they became popular later.) 

4. They had to relate a compelling story, with a surprising twist at the end, in LESS than 30 minutes in the first 3 years of the show.

They showed all our favorites during The Twilight Zone Marathon, this year.

1. The one where Burgess Meredeth loves to read, but something happens at the end that...I don't want to spoil it for you.

2. The episode where Claude Akins tries to reason with the town to stop accusing each other of being space aliens and....whoops...don't want to ruin it for you guys. 

Claude Akins on left...who's on right in funny shirt?

Answer below.

3. The scary one where Agnus Moorehead is trapped in her own house by tiny space invaders that look like cheap robot toys and ....nevermind...I'm no spoiler.

4. The classic episode where William Shatner sees something on a plane that I'm not revealing to you folks, in case you ever watch it.

Wait a minute! Wait just a cotton pickin' minute! 

Chances are, you have seen all the same Twilight Zone episodes as me! 

Especially if you're a baby boomer, like me. (That means old)

What is your favorite Twilight Zone episode? Why? Who starred in it? How old were you when you watched it? Did it scare you? Did you think Rod Serling smoked too much, or was it cool at the time? Do you think I'm axing too many questions? Did you notice I substituted axing for asking, because axes were used a lot in The Twilight Zone, or was that Alfred Hitchcock Presents? 

Answer to above question...Jack Weston.

My Conversation With "The Donald"About His Speech Tonight

Me...(Answering my flip phone) "Hello?"

The Donald..."Hi, Danny, it's "The Donald" calling again, you sound like you're doing beautiful!"

Me..."How ya doin', "The Donald," what seems to be the problem THIS time?"

The Donald..."Well, you may have heard that I'm giving a speech tonight about my big beautiful wall, and uh, I REALLY don't know what to say."

Me..."First off, is it STILL a big beautiful wall, or a steel slat fence?"

The Donald..."Let me check. At this moment in time it's a steel fence, made from good ole American steel!"

Me..."Okay, will it stretch from California to Texas in a continuous, unbroken pattern?"

The Donald..."Let me check. No. Now it will just be in places where we REALLY need it."

Me..."How much money are you asking for to build the fence?"

The Donald..."Let me check. Right now, about 5 billion!"

Me..."Alrighty, then. Here is what I would say to the American people..."Remember the BIG, BEAUTIFUL, CONCRETE wall I promised you, with BIG, BEAUTIFUL DOORS? Now, it's only gonna be a fence. And do you remember how I said it would protect our whole southern border? Now, it's only gonna protect a few areas of the border. But you may also remember how it would cost more than 50 billion dollars? Now, it's only 5 billion! What a deal! I'm saving the country 45 billion dollars!!" 

The Donald... "Beautiful, Danny! That's as good as your suggestions about using Dennis Rodman to talk with Kim , calling Jeb Bush "low energy", and using a robot as Vice President!" 

Me..."No problemo. Prez! I'm here 24/7, and thanks for not telling anyone about my advisory position in your administration. I'm sure my friend, George Clooney, would not invite me to his parties anymore if that got out. 

BREAKING NEWS! Over 47,000 VIEWS ON MY BLOG! 

Better Than The Cardinals!

In 2018, the average attendance at a Cardinals baseball game was 42, 019, therefore, I have more views on my blog (over it's lifetime) than the average attendance of one Cardinals baseball game! 

Wow! How mind blowing is that?!!

Of course, that does not mean 47,000 individual folks have viewed my blog. It could only be 100 people that viewed it 470 times each, or 47 readers who viewed it 1000 times, or even 1000 faithful fans that viewed it 47 times. 

No matter to me. The fact that ANYBODY would be foolish, I mean, perceptive enough to enjoy my thought provoking, lighthearted blog is a blessing beyond belief! 

Here is another fun fact, friends. Did you know the average daily attendance at Disneyland is 44, 000 men, women and chitlins? 

Just ponder the improbable impossibility of my blog doing better than that! 

(Disclaimer...I am comparing a daily number with a lifetime number, which is totally unfair, but who reads disclaimers, anyway?)

So often I sit here in front of my computer, contemplating my contradictory contemplative cranium creations, and wonder why 47 million people would LOVE my blog so much...uh...I mean 47,000 people...umm...Okay, a number of people would enjoy my "contradictory contemplative cranium creations" in such a "groupie" sort of way, and I can only think..."computer glitch."

That is the ONLY logical answer. Even I wouldn't read this blog, unless my mind was altered by an electronical Alien probe drilled into my brain by the feared Glirkazoids! 

Gary the Glirkazoid

I know what you're thinking. "My brain has not been probed by the feared Glirkazoids and I read your blog!" 

Well, that must mean you have DEEPER problems! By the way, you wouldn't know if you've been probed, anyway. Glirkazoids are very tiny and very quiet, vewy, vewy quiet. 

Back to the amazing news of my blog catapulting to 47 billion views...give or take. 

If you feel like celebrating this milestone in my blogging career, go on ahead, and I'll catch up later. I need a nap right now, as I dream about the day I reach 48, 000 views!!!