THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS

Soft, relaxing, soothing colors are a real must for "Thoughtful Thursdays."

Another vital ingredient is a free soul, a lot of "Boulder Brownies," Seattle Smokes," or good, old fashioned booze.

Tell me when you're "there," and we will begin.

Are we there yet?

Keep trying, you've got all the tom in the worm.

Ready or not, here I come!

♫See the curtains hangin' in the window,♪

♪In the evenin' on a Friday nigh...ite,♪

♫A little light a-shinin' through the window,♫

♪Lets me know everything is alrigh...ite.♪

♫Summer breeze makes me feel fine,♫

♪Blowing through the jamine in my mi..iii...ind.♫

Summer breeze, window light,

Jasmine on a Friday night,

Curtains hide my desire to see,

Jasmine in full nudity.

Should I crawl close, and take a peek,

And risk another jailbird week?

"It's worth it," says my heart to me,

My brain says "it's insanity!"

Her breasts like two white pit bulls, young,

What she could do with that long tongue,

Now closer I to window creep,

I hope her home alarm don't beep!

Jasmine's butt is like two melons,

Will just one look make me a felon?

My fingers touch her window pane,

My mom would tell me, shame, shame shame!!!

But this awesome view I can't resist,

Although it makes my mommy pissed,

Her naked glory makes me quiver,

The cops are here, I'm "up the river!"

BURMA SHAVE         by Danny Madness

 Jasmine

WHAZZUP WEDNESDAYS

On "Whazzup Wednesdays," I get to ask the questions, and you provide the answers in the comment box, or in your vivid imaginations.
All of your answers will be placed into a large mayonnaise jar and kept in my refrigerator until May 14th, 2043, when a beautiful Norwegian woman will retrieve the mayonnaise  jar and read your answers to the entire universe, which will solve all the problems that have plagued all beings forever!

So, I'm sure you understand how important it is for you to make a valiant effort to answer as many questions as you can, because the fate of the entire universe depends on it!

Yes, you can help make this happen if you care to participate!

Here come da questions!!

Flying saucers:

1. Are real.

2. Do not exist.

3. Are a big nuisance.

4. by Whogoose Da Waitress.

Who is secretly immortal, and will reign as Supreme Leader Of The Universe to the delight of all creatures great and small?

1. Sara-Marie Ulsand Stiksrud

2. Marty Wombacher

3. The Geico Gecko

Don't laugh! 

This is not a joke, people!

Saving the universe is real seriou...now, what did I do with my pop tart?

What band is really, really, really GOOD?

1. Muse

2.  The Monkey Farts

3.Great Balls Afire Quintet

4. The band that backs up Barry Manilow.

Norway has a:

1. President

2. Queen

3. Emperor

4. King

5. Puff The Magic Dragon.

True or False: The writer of this blog is totally obsessed with Sara-Marie Ulsand Stiksrud (a talented, beautiful, singer/songwriter from Norway, see video above), but he is not going to keep bugging her every day because he has self control, and a clear sense of every individual's personal space, and privacy.

                   Sara-Marie Ulsand Stiksrud

I truly believe the writer of this blog is an absolute genius because:

1. He knows what's in the deepest part of my soul.

2. He crafts his words and thoughtful sentences better than Shakespeare.

3. What the hell you talkin' about, the writer of this blog is a total moron!

                      Look, mom! No cavities!!                 

What is the true meaning of life?

1. Beer

2. Worshiping Sara-Marie Ulsand Stiksrud

3. There's a meaning?
4. Q Tips

Simple math question:

What's 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=

Essay question:  What kind of a noise annoys an oyster? (No more than 2 words)

TIMES UP!

IN CONCLUSION:

I will be long, long dead on May 14th 2043 (coincidentally, my birthday) when the gorgeous Sara-Marie Ulsand Sticksrud pulls  your answers from the mayonnaise jar, and reads them to all the inhabitants of the universe that include weird creatures from distant worlds, including, but not limited to, Bed, Bath, and Beyond!

I know what you're thinking...how will our stupid answers to your dumb questions save the universe, hmm?

It will not be your answers that will actually save the universe, it will be that space aliens, and humans alike, will all be captivated by the "hot" Norwegian girl reading the nonsensical drivel, and simply because she's so adorable, love and peace will abound forever, and ever more!!!

BURMA SHAVE

Disclaimer: The brilliant and sophisticated writer of this blog is only using hyperbole to enhance the entertainment value of this piece.

Any misinterpretation of his feelings, infatuation, or obsession with Sara-Marie Ulsand Stiksrud is understandable, but must be taken with a grain of salt, and a margarita!!

TRAVELIN'  TUESDAYS

Travelin' Tuesdays is a brand new feature on my blog, where I tell youse guys about the madcap adventures I've had while traveling across this land I like to call AMERICA!

I have had to use a lot of disclaimers lately, to avoid legal problems, but...I'm tired of dadburned disclaimers!!

I'm gonna use another device to tell this story, and I think most of you will get the point.

CIRCA 1970...Granite City, Illinois

About 43 years ago (43 YEARS?!!) I was a semi-hippy living in a little house trailer with my 

best friends, Ryan and Joanne...I say semi-hippy because I worked at a job at the time.

The trailer had the whole living room ceiling covered with beauteous album covers from wall to wall.

It was a real happy hippy haven (subliminal reference to Richie Havens) that we thought was far out , right on, and totally "heavy!"

This awesome song was written by Richie Havens and Louis (Fiddler) Gossett Jr.

The black light posters that we had, were my favorite things to gaze at for hours! 

WOW! OH, WOW!! Like, that poster is blowing my mind, dude!!! 

I feel like I'm, like , walking around on that weird planet , man!

Anyway, Ryan had heard through the "grapevine" that Boulder Colorado was the PLACE to go for ( now, how can I put this, so as not to corrupt the kiddies), uh, let me see, "M&M'S," yeah, that's it, "M&M'S!"

You could buy an "M&M" in Boulder for 25 cents, and come back to St. Louis (across the river from Granite City) and sell it for $2.00! ( You could also get a BIG bag of, umm, how can I say this, "lettuce salad" for 10 bucks!)

So we did some ciphering, and figured out that if we could scrape up $250.00,  we could take a "trip" to Boulder, buy 1000 "M&M'S," and sell them to our friends  in the St. Louis area for $2.00 each!  

Far out, man! We would get $2000.00 for a $250.00 investment!

What could go wrong?!!

We might even score some "lettuce salad" for our personal selves, as well! 

What a genius plan!!

In addition, gas was dirt cheap back then.

Don't you just love foolproof  plans?!!

I worked during the week, so we had to  start our trip on Friday, after I got off work, to drive 12 hours to Boulder, pick up the "M&M'S," and be back before Monday morning! 

We were sore excited!!!

I had a beautiful blue 69 Ford Mustang, fastback,  with chrome wheels, a raised hood, with hood pins, and a super POWERFUL 8 track stereo system that could be heard 5 blocks away!

So, we wouldn't be too conspicuous.

What a lovely "trip" we had on the way!

None of us had ever been to Colorado, and the glorious, wonderful vistas, with all of the snow covered mountains (in the summer, no less), buttes, mesa's, and plateau's were, like, totally and righteously freakin' us out, but in a good way, man!

I have to write this part in semi-earthtones, man, because Boulder was so fresh, earthy, and REAL!

Totally REAL, and the coolest place I'd ever been!

BOULDER COLORADO

We did some touristy kind of things at first, drove up to Nederland, made a makeshift camp site, and talked to the local "heads" in the area. 

NEDERLAND COLORADO

We heard that the "hill" was the best place to go for "M&M'S" and "lettuce salad," and we heard RIGHT!

University Hill

When we got to the "hill," tons of people would walk by us, they didn't walk up to us, they walked BY us, and would whisper, "best "lettuce" on the "hill," or " pure "M&M'S," man".

This was easier than we ever dreamed!

To make it even better, the prices were exactly as we had been told through the proverbial "grapevine!"

This was unbelievable!!

Everything was going according to our plan!

Ryan and I HAD to try one of the "M&M'S" to make sure everything was Kosher (it was), Joanne did not partake because she was driving, and we cheerfully headed home, feeling very, very HAPPY!!!! 

What could possibly go wrong?!!

(Continued next "Travlin' Tuesday")

♫MADNESS MUSIC MONDAYS♫

My dream has always been to have one of my songs playing on the radio for all the whole wide worm to hear, and then someone would say, wow, this song is awful, how did this crap get on the radio?!!!

                                            BUTCH                                                   

That would make me the happiest gorilla in the world!

♫MADNESS MUSIC MONDAYS♫ is a new feature on my blog where I will feature (didn't I just say feature?) MY songs that I've written over the last 100 years.

Here is what I picture in my mom about every day: I gets an email, phone call, or knock at the door, where I read or hear that someone famous has listened to one of my songs on YouTube, my blog, or SOMEWHERE , and absolutely adores it, and wants to record it for his/her new album! (Do they still make albums?)

"Not a chance," you say, with a great measure of confidence!

Well, I say, "CHANCE!!"

Take a gander of these songs that NO ONE ever thought would make it to the radio:

You gotta watch this "NORMAN" video, you'll be rollin' on the floor laughing, for real!!!

See? 

I know my songs are terrible, but not any worse than the songs above this pink and black lettering!

Here is a song I wrote for my beautiful YouTube friend Sara(pronounced Sar-uh) from Norway, who actually has been able to speak Norwegian since she was a baby! Foreigners are so smart!

This is real short, I know you can suffer through this, if you really love me!

I know what you're thinking; "Danny said he was going to wear a nose ring in 2013 in the song, and he's not wearing one! "

I was lying!!

Once you see and hear Sara(pronounced Sar-uh) you'll fall in love with her like everybody else:

                                     

                                    Ain't she sweet?                                                  

♫See her walkin' down the street,♪

♪Now I ask you very confidentually,♫

♫Ain't she sweet?♪♪

ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS

I am starting a new feature on my blog on this wintry day.

It's called ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS.(Notice the Cardinal colors?)

Since I was bored and raged on the dirty, mean streets of St. Louis, I am dimly qualified to tell you all the inside stories of intrigue, deception, Soulard's Market, Bevo Mill, The Jewel Box, Kiel Auditorium, White Castle and so much more you don't care about!

However, I'm gonna launch this new feature by telling you about the day that Rick Gieselman, Ron Stevens and me got kicked out of the prestigious St. Louis Art Museum.

Now, I could make a short story long by telling you that we were all good friends, played on the Pattonville High School football team, were hilariously funny, and afraid of nuttin' honey! (We were too dumb to know better.)

                                Rick is in third row (75) Ron (33) Me front row (72)                   

I can't remember who came up with that stuff called "silly-sigh-bin," but something that had silly in the name couldn't be too bad, could it?

We all partook of the tiny objects...

DISCLAIMER: Any cavalier mention of the partaking of mind altering drugs should not be considered an approval, and/or encouragement of these demon inspired brain busters,  that WILL cause irreparable damage to the cerebral cortex, along with birth defects, 

facial tics, madness, and causing you to say, "nik nik!"

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, heading for Forest Park in Rick's old Chevy Biscayne, "Cheryl!"

Forest Park was about the coolest place to go because it had far out concerts, the St. Louis Zoo, the St. Louis Art Museum, and it was all 

FREEEEEE!!! 

Free Bird...Free Bird...Free Bird....

Whoops, a little flashback blast from the past!

Without even realizing it, we started feeling kind of silly on the way. 

Physically, it was like (to me at least) a little sparrow was flying around in my tummy tickling me, therefore, it made EVERYTHING funny!

Rick told me he felt "real silly."

That little sentence made us laugh from Page Avenue to the Debaliviere Strip , where all the strip clubs were located, featuring the "Hubba Hubba Girl," Evelyn West, "with her fifty thousand dollar Treasure Chest insured by Lloyds of London!"

Evelyn West

At this point of the adventure, I was starting to feel like a covy of quail could fly out me arse at any given moment, but I liked it, I really liked it, And so did Rick!

However, Ronnie started talking about cops, demons, bad acid trips, and uncomfortable subjects like that, and he was starting to bring us down.

Through the magic of time travel, we were suddenly there at the popular and FREE St. Louis Art Museum, and Ron seemed to be feeling better, so we meandered in.

OH MY GOSH, I'd been to the Art Museum many times before, but it was never like this! It was so remarkably beauteous, and colorful, and ......SILLY!!!

Ron was starting to act weird again, and seemed a bit paranoid about the big bag of "grass" I had in my pocket. (See disclaimer)

We told him to be quiet, so as not to bring undo attention to ourselves and he piped down a bit.

It did make me a bit concerned though, because I had already been arrested, and tossed in jail for ten days, due to picking mary-wanna in Illinois. ( We told the cop we were picking "polk", but he didn't believe us) 

I think we were what they used to call "peaking" when Rick and me noticed the faces of the people on the priceless Rembrandt's and Van Gogh's, their expressions were ALL so SILLY!!

We tried to turn our attention to other paintings, but EVERYONE in ALL the paintings had ridiculously SILLY  expressions on their  comical faces!

Were we on Candid Camera?

Someone had to be playing a silly trick on us, huh?

At that point we proceeded to laugh hysterically....

Now, remember, we are in the super quiet, and, oh so respectable, St. Louis Art Museum, rubbing elbows with the highly sophisticated, elite, society dudes and dudettes, while we were part of the unwashed masses.

Now, Ronnie was whispering at US to pipe down, but it was impossible at this point, because life in general had never, ever been so SILLY!

Did you know museums have bouncers?

We must have been a little more boisterous than we thought, because two guys, that were bigger than Andre The Giant, showed up and escorted us, by the arms, past all the silly pictures and stuff, all the way out to the statue of the guy on the horse at the front of the museum.
Me and Rick never stopped laughing, but Ron was talking about alien abduction, Storm Troopers, and revolution.

Did he take the same stuff as us?

Anyway, we left "Cheryl" parked at the museum parking lot, and walked down the hill to the zoo.

      What could possibly go wrong there?