Alien Abductions Aren't All That Bad 

Alien abductions are generally viewed in a negative light, but Dr. Brahaan Beechaar of South India University has researched alien abductees for over 27 years, and discovered that 98.6 % of  abductees  have experienced an increase in happiness since their close encounters of the 3rd kind. 

Here are a few testimonies from abductees that may surprise you.

Virgil Skrunk...Alien Abductee

Yeah, well, I was kinda shook up when I saw them long robot arms comin' through my window, and I thunk it were a bad dream, until I was pult way up into a funny shaped flyin' thing that was shaped kinda like a Kaiser blade, some call it a sling blade, but I say Kaiser blade, uh hum. 

I thunk they were gonna probe me, but instead they took me to this place that were kinda hunky dory, and made me feel happier than a hound dog on a possum and brung me back home.

Desiree Kittenton...Alien Abductee

I was, like, walking out of the mall, feeling, like,  jelly of my BFF, because she, like, totally grabbed the purse I, you know, NEEDED to buy for the concert, when, like, a UFO, like, just stopped over my head, and a big metal grippy thing came down and, you know, took me inside.

When "they", you know, brought me home, I, like, was at peace, you know, with EVERYBODY, even with Meghan, who, like, took my fav lip gloss. 

Bill Stewart...Alien Abductee

I was the quintessential crabby old man, who never wanted kids on my lawn, griped about my service at restaurants, and didn't even enjoy puppies. 

After the aliens abducted and re-programmed me, I started a daycare business, leave large tips at restaurants, never complain, and have become the president of the ASPCA! 

Wow! Weren't those testimonials out of this world? So much so, I wrote the following song!