Long Haired Freaky People Welcome To Apply!

FAN FRIDAY

I'm gonna be honest wit ya! The most important thing about my blog post today is the music videos! I sincerely hope you take tom to listen to them. If you can't find Tom, listen to them by yourself.

The music will make your day way better than you could ever imaginate! Money back guarantee!

I am a fan of odd, freaky, unique, out of the box thinkers who are the ones that make the whole wide worm interesting!

Just think about the Beatles!

When they first appeared to the American public they were considered freaky by most adult Americans, but it did not take long for us to realize they were creating music unlike anything we had ever heard!

My favorite music guy of all time is Beethoven! Some experts in the mental health field claim he was bi-polar, and his contemporaries wrote about how odd, moody, and unstable he was at times!

This "odd duck" wrote music that has been considered greatest of all music by people worldwide, for hundreds of years!

Einstein, Tesla, Jim Henson, Van Gogh...all considered weirdo's at one time or another!

So, next time we see someone with freaky hair, unusual clothing, acting a bit different (like I often do)...let's take tom to talk to that oddball.

You may be talking to the next Einstein!

Making somebody happy!

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I'm tired. I need to go to bed, It's 9:32 pm C.S.T. and I should just say, "Danny, forget about that stupid blog! There are only a few people who care about it anyway, and they would understand!"

I know, I know, but what if there is just one person out there who is feeling depressed, had a bad day, or is lonely, and I make that one person laugh, or make this person feel cared about. That's good, isn't it?

Sure, but I wish they'd let me know I made them feel better! Then I would feel that what I'm doing is worth the effort!

Don't you remember what Rush Limbaugh said on his radio program today, Danny?

Vaguely.

He said, "Do you know why radio talk show people are crazy?" 

"It's because to really be good you have to believe that millions of people are listening to you, and hanging on every word you say!"

"However, when you leave the station, and walk down the street, nobody knows who you are!"

I am so thankful for Cheryl Merritt! (Who I call Yellow Rose, because she is from Texas.)

She always let's me know when she is touched by something I've said, thinks something is funny, or likes a song I've written... and just knowing I'm reaching a sweet, pure in heart person, keeps me going!

However, I need to believe I'm reaching millions of folks, making them laugh, bringing back fond memories to their hearts, making them tap their toes to my music...just like Rush did when he started out in radio!

Okay...okay! I need to start having a better attitude, and imagine that millions of eyes are reading my blog every day, and can't wait for it to magically appear on their computer screen!

Hey, gang! A big shout out to all of you reading my popular blog in Texas, Missouri, Greece, California, Norway, China, and the rest of the whole wide worm!

I want to apologize for not being able to respond to all of the thousands of comments you've sent in, but I try to read as many as possible, and answer your questions as tom permits!

Who does Tom think he is, anyway! I don't need permission from him!

Our sponsors today are Midas Gold Sellers, who always say, "Buy gold today, so when the dollar crashes, you will have gold that your neighbors will kill you for!"

And Survival Food Enterprises, who tell you, "Stock up lots of survival food for the coming great famine, that your neighbors will come over and kill you for!"

Here's a letter from Mildred in Kewanee, Illinois!

Dear Danny,
I just love your blog, and something very special happened to me yesterday in relation to your wonderful blog!

When I got out of bed yesterday morning, I noticed my cat was dead!

I was so upset, because Booters has been with me for 10 years!

So, I laid him in front of the computer monitor, before taking him out to bury him next to Scooters and Hooters, because I wanted to catch your blog before I deep sixed my beloved Booters!

Then the miracle happened!

As soon as I clicked on your blog, Booters began to make some faint noises! I could not believe it, 'cause he was stone cold dead a few minutes earlier!

The noises turned into coughing, then all of a sudden Booters coughed up a hair ball the size of a big matzo ball, and now he's fine, thanks to your marvelous blog!

Well, thank you, Mildred from Kewanee, Illinois!

To be honest, Mildred, that kind of thing happens all the time!

We got an email last week from a dude in Punjabby, Pakistan, who had a serious constipation problem...and...
uh...my producer just suggested I don't go there.

WOW! I can't believe we've run out of tom already! (I'd actually like to run over Tom with my truck!)

So, to all of you hundreds of millions of readers of "My Life Is Only For Laughs," I bid ado!

            A do!

Glirkazoid Guts 2!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we last saw Gary the Glirkazoid, he was about to enter the High Chamber, to find out what the Supreme Glirkheads wanted this time.

Once, they punished him for knocking over the sacred "mirror ball of truth" that had stood on it's golden pedestal for nearly 14 billion years, and then lying about it!

He was sentenced to 30 days of living with the stinking, grotesque, hagbaharhillary beast, that can drive all life forms crazy with it's incessant chatternagging!

As Gary boldly sauntered through the Great Doors of the High Chamber, he could not help but be overwhelmed by the beautiosity of this magnifioso chamber, even though he'd been there numerous toms before!

The super bright, colorful, swirling lights, the fascinating, ear drum massaging sounds, the sweet aroma of flora from the Glaluvian Flower Mountains, all made him feel kind of...(Gary pukes)... sick.

Now (dramatic music)

Yes, NOW Gary knew what he was about to face!!

Before having the honor to speak with the Supreme Glirkheads, he had to run the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet!

It takes gobs of GUTS to run the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet gang! 

GOLLLLY!!

The gauntlet had five impossible tests of endurance, bravery, and skill, that no life form could survive unless they were pure of heart... or paid off the Supreme Glirkheads ahead of time!

Gary didn't have any money to bribe the Supreme Glirkheads, so he hoped and prayed he was pure of heart!

The first test was to ride a pink bike across the Gland Canyon, on a narrow rope, blindfolded, in gale force winds, singing the Glirkazoid classic song, "My Sweet Yellow Rose!" 

Will Gary do it?!

Is he pure of heart?!

Will somebody pay off the Supreme Glirkheads for him?!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR EPISODE 3 OF GLIRKAZOID GUTS, GANG!!!

Drive In Theaters...A dollar a carload!

TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

DRIVE IN THEATERS

Folks love to romanticize about the old drive in movie theaters that were so popular back in the 50's.

Well, I was there, and I'm here to tell you they weren't so hot!

I mean, they were hot, if you lived in the St. Louis area!

Hot, muggy, buggy, and uncomfortable in the heat and humidity of a typical St. Louis summer's night.

However, the price was right! 

I was 5 years old in 1955 when we moved within walking distance of two drive in theaters.

The price of admission was a dollar a carload!

That is not a misprint!

That's right folks, a dollar a carload!

That meant you could squeeze in as many people as you wanted into the car and only pay one dollar!

If you were by yourself you paid a dollar, or if you had 18 clowns in the car, you still only paid a dollar!

I guess the drive in owners figured they would make up the difference at the concession stand.

The closest one to my house was the Airway Drive In Theater, that had a giant neon majorette at the entrance that twirled her baton as you entered.

Actual photograph of the real thing!

The Airway had the traditional playground for the kids, a miniature roller coaster (or was that the St. Ann 4 Screen that had the roller coaster?), and wooden seats in front of the screen in case you wanted to get out of your car and enjoy the company of other kids outside.

Now, let's go down St. Charles Rock Road a few blocks to the St. Ann 4 Screen Drive In Theater and see what up!

The Only 4 Screen Drive In Theater In The World!

It used to say this as you drove in..."The Only 4 Screen Drive In Theater In The World!"

After a while they removed that sign...me thinks it was because other drive in theaters started getting 4 screens, too. I don't know.

What was so cool about the 4 screen is that you could watch the movie you paid for on one screen, and then turn your head around and watch another movie, but without the sound.

Although there were 4 screens, they only showed 2 pictures a night. One on two of the screens and another on the other 2 screens.

I liked getting there early, because we would drive up and down the little ramp-like things that raised up the front of the car to see the movie better. It was kind of like a roller coaster ride. (I still can't remember which drive in had the little roller coaster ride.)

They looked like real long speed bumps that went across the whole parking lot where we viewed the classic movies.

On these long bumps were the speaker stands, with the box like speakers hanging on them.

The sound quality from those old beat up speakers was horrible, but not bad compared to the over all sound quality of any speakers back in the 50's.

The speaker hooked on to the partially rolled up window, and I remember them having a warning on the stand, or somewhere, that showed a car pulling away from the speaker stand without removing the speaker from the window; it depicted the window breaking and the speaker lying on the ground with a severed cord.

This next part is so cool!

I had a schoolmate who actually LIVED AT THE AIRWAY DRIVE IN!

Her house was located within the big fenced in area, and right behind the movie screen!

How cool is dat?!

Needless to say, she was the most popular girl at school!

If she invited you to her home, you got to see a free movie, climb up the back of the screen, and be envied by all the other kids!

Alas, she never invited me, but I sure envied the ones that were able to enjoy that awesome privilege! ( The dirty little suck ups!)

Okay, maybe I am a bit nostalgic about the old drive in theaters, but along with the fun was the mosquitoes biting, moths flying in our mouths, sweat soaking our underwear, the unruly kids yelling and screaming in the car next to us (maybe all that noise was coming from our car...I'm not sure), and the cigarette smoke that filled the car from mom and dad's Pall Malls!

I could go on and on and on about drive in movie theaters back in the 50's...the parents putting pajama's on the kids , backing their pickup trucks in the spot, and making a bed in the truck bed for everyone to either watch the movie or sleep, the bad concession stand food...

My Dance Of Euphoria In Peoria - Exquisite Dancing By Danny

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

Being the super humble dude I am, I do my level best to avoid bragging about all of my amazing talents that would blow your cock-a-doodie minds if you knew what they all were.

However, in the interest of culture, and suave sophistication, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

I am a master of modern, expressive, progressive, avant garde, jungle boogie dance!

I was taught by two of the greatest dancers in the history of tripping the light fantastic!

Namely, Ferd Upstairs and Jeans 
Smelly.

They were janitors that worked in my apartment building, but my they were dancin' fools!

Let's forget about those "light in the loafer's" "gophers," and concentrate on ME! 

Critics have claimed that these were "gay" gophers...I think not!

Most folks would never believe that an old fat guy like me could "skip the light fandango" so marvelously!

One of my favorite songs of all tom!

I was inspired to perform this classic, emotional dance number by two of my favorite YouTube friends!

Yozzie from Yoz Creative, and Tulleuchen, who is in reality, Dan Tulloh. 

Ye best prepare yourself for dancing unlike you have never seen before, in all of your born days!

Oh, yeah, I also wrote the fantabulous song!

(And everyone says I'm so dumb)

BEHOLD! THE PUREST FORM OF EXPRESSION!

DANCING!

NO ONE COMMENTS ON MY BLOG ANY MO!

OH, I USED TO GET COMMENTS ON MY BLOG,

BUT I DON'T GET DEM ANY MO,

I MAY BE A BIG FAT SLOB,

BUT THAT'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO WALK OUT THE DOOR,

YES, I MADE A FEW BAD COMMENTS ABOUT OBAMA,

BUT I DIDN'T MAKE EM ABOUT YO MAMA,

SOMETIMES I'M DOWNRIGHT SILLY,

BUT I DON'T SMOKE POT LIKE WILLY,

COULD IT BE ME UGLY FACE THAT KEEPS YOU FROM SHARING?

IT'S BEEN SAID I LOOK LIKE A PICKLED HERRING,

OR CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER WHEN HE'S MIFFED,

A HERRING...KRAUTHAMMER...WHAT'S THE DIFF?

I NEED SOME INPUT LIKE NUMBER 5,

THE INPUT KEPT THAT LITTLE ROBOT ALIVE,

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO STOP MY WORM PLAY,

BUT MY WRITTEN WORMS I THINK HAVE HAD THEIR HEYDAY.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF EVERYDAY YOU CREATED A BLOG POST AND NOBODY CAME TO PLAY,

YOU TRIED TO MAKE FOLKS LAUGH OR MAKE THEM THINK,

BUT GETTING NO COMMENTS MAKE ME FEEL I STINK,

WELL, I GUESS I DO, IT'S GETTING CLEARER,

I WAS HOPING MY BLOG MIGHT BRING YOU NEARER,

AND MOVE YOUR HEARTS TO DROP A LINE,

IT MAKES ME SAD, BUT IT'S ALL GOOD AND FINE,

I'LL WRITE MY BLOG FOR POSTERITY SAKE,

AND EVEN THOUGH MY HEART DOTH BREAK,

I'LL KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON FOR A FEW LIKE YELLOW ROSE, AND DENISE, TOO,

AND OTHERS WHO JUST CAN'T EXPRESS IN WORDS WHAT'S IN THEIR BEATING CHEST,

SO HERE TODAY I OFFER YOU ANOTHER CHANCE TO SAY, I LOVE YOU, ANOTHER TIME TO SAY IT'S COOL, ANOTHER OPP TO SAY, DANNY, YOU'RE JUST A FOOL!

BURMA SHAVE