TRAVELIN' TUESDAY

Travelin' in my dreams, every night, I go to a place that is cool...like I have a totally separate life in another dimension, where sometimes I'm young again, and can still run fast!

I see my family members once again, even though they passed away years ago, and I never realize that they died until I wake up.

Maybe they really come to visit me in my dreams, it's so real!

I often dream I'm at my old job as a vending machine guy, and I realize I haven't checked the vending machines on my route for a very long time, and I can't remember where the vending machines are, AND I'm always misplacing my van!

One of my reoccurring dreams is I'm at a big convention, or concert, or something, and I come out and my car has been stolen for the umpteenth time!

Do you see a pattern here?

Speaking of cars, in my dream I have a .357 Magnum pistol in my glove compartment in case of terrorist attacks!

Although I've never owned a gun!

I never see things clearly in my dreams.

Everything is always kind of blurry.

I never can see faces clearly...or anything else.

Speaking of faces...they change on me in my dreams.

For instance, I may be talking to my old teacher at Pattonville High School, but then the teacher becomes my brother, and we are at a baseball game!

How weird is dat?

Do any of these things happen to you in your dreams, or am I a bit daffy?

I would love to know if there are others that have oddball dreams like me.

I feel like I'm high on marijuana in my dreams most of the time.

Even when I have those anxious moments looking for my car, and fighting terrorists, I have a euphoric feeling that makes everything a little better than real life.

However, I remember one dream that really frightened me...a lot!

I fell off of a cliff, or a tower, or something way high...I had dreamed that before, but I always woke up before I hit bottom.

This time, I was waiting to wake up and I hit bottom with a crash, boom!

I had always heard that if you hit bottom, you're dead!

So, needless to say, I thought I would be dead when I woke up...but I wasn't.

Okay, I've written about a lot of these things before, but I need to talk about them from tom to tom...or larry to larry...or...

Here is something else I've written about before, but I dream about this so often, I wonder what it means.

I am living in this huge, monstrosity of an old mansion...I think I have a rich friend that is letting me live there, I'm not really sure why I'm living there.

The mansion has an abandoned mall attached to it, and the basement is like an Egyptian mausoleum that has giant sarcophagi lining the great big room!

I usually just walk through the mausoleum and the mall with nothing happening that is very eventful, but often the whole scene changes and I'm in a field of new mown grass, running...and then I lift off the ground and fly!

Is this normal?

Do you have unusual dreams like mine?

Can you tell me what my dreams mean? 

What kind of dreams do you have? 

Sweet dreams!

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

Please begin by playing this song!

I have always said that this song is the best I've ever written.

What do you think?

Does it reach your heart?

Do the musicians do a good job?

Is my singing good enough?

I don't believe I'll ever top this song.

This is my best effort.

I'd love to get the opinion of my friends,

before I quit show biz for good.

Anybody? Anybody?

ST. LOUIS SUNDAY

I love weird, strange, things!

So, I love Laumeier Sculpture Park!

However, it is the spirit of the place that impresses me the most...like the Grand Canyon.

Peaceful!

You know, that "a picture is worth a thousand words" thing!

SATURDAY MORNING POST

TRAFFIC RESEARCH GROUP DISCOVER THAT DRIVERS OF FIRST CARS AT TRAFFIC LIGHT BECOME PREOCCUPIED WITH EVERYTHING EXCEPT WATCHING FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE

GREAT DANE DOG IS TAUGHT TO DRIVE A FORD TAURUS WHILE HIS "MASTER" STICKS HIS HEAD OUT OF THE PASSENGER WINDOW

STUDY ON AGING SHOWS THAT OLD BALD MEN WITH BEER BELLIES  TRULY BELIEVE THEY LOOK LIKE HUGH JACKMAN WHILE THEY WORK IN THEIR YARDS WEARING NO SHIRTS 

What an exquisite emotional video!

THE PEWY POLL PEOPLE FIND THAT ALL OF THE CONFUSION, MISMANAGEMENT, DOWN RIGHT STUPIDITY, LYING, DECEIT, AND CORRUPTION FOUND IN THE U.S. CONGRESS  IS VIEWED AS OKAY BY 95% OF THE POPULATION...AS LONG AS THEY PERSONALLY GET WHAT THEY WANT

BRITISH NANNY DELIGHTED TO EMPTY THE DIAPER OF HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE GEORGE OF CAMBRIDGE INTO THE "LOO"...SHE CLAIMS IT WAS HER FIRST ROYAL FLUSH

HIDEOUSLY UGLY CREATURES FROM OUTER SPACE FORM A DIABOLICAL GROUP TO DISPENSE WEIRD, DISTORTED, UNTRUTHS TO THE AMERICAN POPULATION...THEY CALL IT "THE VIEW!"

With the exception of Elisabeth Hasselbeck!

CHRIS CRISTIE SAYS HE HAS MANY NEW IDEAS SO HE WILL BE BUILDING A NEW PLATFORM FOR 2016...HE CRASHED THROUGH THE OLD ONE AFTER EATING THE WORLD'S BIGGEST HAMBURGER

HAPPY SATURDAY!

MAY ALL YOUR POSTS BE PLEASANT!

MY FENDER BENDER

I was minding my own business,

Her car hit me from behind,

I got a little whiplash,

So, I'm not feeling fine,

I think texting was her downfall,

Even though she'd not admit it,

I wish everyone would stop it,

I wish eveyone would quit it!

So this is a simple blog post,

My pain, I soon will kick it,

What really makes me angry,

Is she didn't get a ticket!

I think the policeman was her boyfriend,

She introduced him to her mother,

I hope that this will all work out,

But I think I'm "snookered," brother!

BURMA SHAVE

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I must have A.D.D. and not know it, because I don't take the time to focus on it long enough.

The original purpose of Thoughtful Thursday was to create an atmosphere of tranquility, calm, peace, relaxation, meditation, and happy thoughts...so you be makin' "happy talk."

So at this point in tom, I want you to dismiss all worries, fears, negative thoughts, heartaches, and pain from your being.

Shoo, shoo! Go away bad things!

Run away!  Take a hike! 

Make like a tree and leave!

Take a powder!

Hit the road!

Don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out!

Now...isn't that better?

Let's take an imaginary walk through the lovely garden of our mind, and try to picture ourselves as not simply looking at the beautiousness, but being a part of the extraordinary, natural surroundings.

You can see yourself skipping through the good toms of your life, and telling the whole wide worm, "I'm a flower...I'm a flower!"

No...you are not smoking wacky toobacky!

Your awesome, miracle of a brain has little endorphins that can produce a natural high that surpasses marijuana...a lot!

Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") 

are endogenous opioid peptides that

 function as neurotransmitters. They 

are 

produced by the pituitary gland and

 the hypothalamus in vertebrates during 

exercise, excitement, pain, consumption

 of spicy food, love and orgasm, and

 they resemble the opiates in their 

abilities to produce analgesia and a

 feeling of well-being.

So as you are meda-deda-tating, on 

gorgeous trees, sparkling lakes, your first

 kiss, puppies, baby hummingbirds...

keep repeating...come on endorphins...

come on endorphins...

come on endorphins...come on endorphins!

Noooo! Not dolphins!! (Unless you're from Miami)

Okay! You are feeling the endorphins flowing to all of the relaxation centers of your body and brain now, and the pain, stress, frustration and worries are flowing out of your very being at this exact moment in space and tom...and even your obsession with Tom is going away!

Now, in this serene state of calm and vulnerability...

think...

SEND DANNY MONEY...SEND DANNY MONEY...SEND DANNY MONEY...

Just jokin' wit ya! Who needs money when I'm so good lookin'?

Have a great THOUGHTFUL Thursday, my friends!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we last left our hero, Gary The Glirkazoid, he had just completed the first step of the "Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet," by riding a pink bike, on a narrow rope, across The Gland Canyon, blindfolded, while singing "My Sweet Yellow Rose!"

Awesome is not the word for Gary! 

The word is "pure in heart!"

Well, I guess that's 3 words, but you catch my drift.

However, Gary needed to complete all 5 tests of the "Gauntlet" to gain entrance to the Supreme Glirkheads who had summoned him for some mysterious reason.

Legend has it, that the second test is the most difficult and terrifying of all!

Our fearless Gary was about to face the largest, fiercest, most vicious, meanest, smelliest, heartless beast in the whole universe!!

Please play the dramatic music!

GLIRKZILLA!!

Glirkzilla was  badder than ole King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog!

This song is so much fun!

Gary had to walk through a valley that had 50 foot walls on either side, and the only way to reach his destination was THROUGH GLIRKZILLA!

This is starting to scare ME!

Gary had no weapons, armor, shield, or "Depends!"

He had to use his wits to defeat this horrible, gigantic, repulsive creature!

Our brave Gary slowly walks within a few feet of the hideous monster, and stands right in front of him...then all of a sudden he fakes left and then changes direction to do an "end around" the ferocious beast, running as fast as his little glirka-legs can carry him!

"NOT FAST ENOUGH"...roars Glirkzilla as he grabs poor little Gary in his enormous claw-like hands!

Gary knows this will be the end for him now, as his billions of years of life begin to pass before him in his mind.

The adventures, the girls, the heroic deeds, the girls, the travel to exotic places, the girls, the bowling tournaments, the girls...

Dying at the hands of this grotesque monster was bad enough, but the smell was really killing him!

What was that sound?

It was like the sound of tinkling glass...and all of a sudden the helper of all Glirkazoids appears in a hologram, like Princess Leia in Star Wars...IT IS YELLOW ROSE!! YAY!!!!

She says to Gary, "Don't you remember the song I taught you, that can free you from Glirkzilla?"

Gary tries to think (which is kind of hard when you're about to be eaten), and pictures himself by a lake with Yellow Rose...and then it all comes back to him.

Gary begins to sing, ♪Puff the magic dragon, lived by the sea...♫

At that, Gary sees that gigantic tears are beginning to flow from Glirkzilla's eyes!

This was the song Glirkzilla's mommy used to sing to him when he was just a 40 foot baby!

Glirkzilla gently places Gary down on the ground and let's him pass, while Gary continues to sing...he's not taking any chances!

Once again, Cheryl...whoops...I mean Yellow Rose has helped Gary through another test and saved his precious little life!

But let's not feel too comfortable yet!

There are still 3 more tests that Gary has to pass!

Will he do it?

Will Yellow Rose come to his aid again?

Will he remain "pure in heart?"

We will find out next week on... 

"OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!

This song still makes me cry, so I turn it off before the ending!
FOR REAL!