NOW WHAT?

I am extremely joyful and ex-static that my great friend Yellow Rose commented on my blog yesterday! 

What a wonderful soul she is! God bless her pea pickin' heart! 

Now, I'm not telling you this to make whomever didn't comment feel GUILTY, because I understand how difficult it is to comment on nonsensical stuff like mine, unless you are totally tuned in to the universal matrix, like Yellow Rose!

I don't think controversial issues worked that well for getting THOUSANDS of comments yesterday, since I only had one.

So, I have another brilliant idea to get comments from y'all!

You tell me what you'd be willing to comment about, and I'll write about it, and then it will be much easier for you to put in your 2 cents worth!

Unfortunately, you have to make a comment to let me know what your willing to comment on! 

Kind of a Catch 22, ain't it?

Okay, I've got it! 

I'll give you a multiple choice of topics, and you just need to send me the corresponding number of the topic you're willing to comment about!

Here goes: 

1. Potato chips with faces.

2. Favorite place to go, White Castle or Liverpool.

3. Lionel Richie

4. Lionel Barrymore

5. Quantitative Easing

6. Uvula Facts

7. Bait

8. Wax Lips

9. Zasu Pitts

10. You.

So let's review...if you want me to talk about "wax lips" so you can comment...what number will you post?

Noooo! Not 9! 9 is Zasu Pitts, and NOBODY wants to talk about Zasu Pitts! 

8! Wax lips is 8!

Let's try again. What if you feel like discussing Quantitative Easing with me,what number are you gonna post?

That's correct! 5! Hallelujah, I think you've got it! 

Now, Yellow Rose need not post a number since she already knows all the hidden secrets of how to post comments on my mysteriously hard to comment on, blog.

Now, stand back and watch the numbers roll in to my comments box!

This is excitin'!

MORE CONTROVERSIAL

Lately, I've been on this rant about getting more comments and likes on my blog, and I decided I need to be more controversial, like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck!

That's why I'm writing this in such disturbing, controversial colors, and in a different font than usual! 

How do ya like dem apples, huh? Bugs ya, doesn't it? If so, tell me about it!

What about the 

photos? Don't like 'em, do ya!

What's wrong with 'em? I think they're AWESOME! 

Well what don't you like about 'em?

Did ya know I love fracking! Yeah, I wish we were all fracking in our backyards to free us from having a pristine earth! 

Whatcha think of dat, hmmm?

Also, weird, painful experiments on baby bunnies is cool, as long as we get safe cosmetics for the rich.

Speaking of our furry friends, don't you love coats made from little chinchillas, minks, and baby raccoons?

What is all this talk about legalizing Marihoochee? ALL drugs need to be legalized for our recreational use! Heroine, methamphetamine, airplane glue, LSD... Ain't I right? 

All who agree with me, jump on board with a comment! 

Let me know if you disagree, so the NSA can record your personal beliefs...permanently!

I'm also disappointed that Miley Cyrus didn't win the person of the year award, aren't you? She is so wholesome, cute, and the perfect role model for adolescent girls...and boys!

Tell me if I'm not accurate on that, folks.

You know I am!

What's all of this stupid talk about cigarettes, fast food, and unprotected hoochie coochie gonna harm our health!

HA! Check out MY health, and see what this stuff has done to me!  (cough, cough) Just a little cough. 

I'll bet you're REALLY mad at me now, 'cause I changed the color of the worms again, and you can hardly read them! 

I also said worms instead of words and you hate that too, correct?!

Then spout off about it! What, cat's got your typing fingers?!

Anyway, I hope all of this controversial crap elicits tons of comments, likes, dislikes, hate mail, ANYTHING to satisfy my need for being wanted and accepted, or feared and ostracized, or even despised and abhorred! 

Thanks for reading this! Feel free to comment by expressing your opinions as often as you'd like! That's what REALLY makes a blog interesting and exciting! 

Danny B. Maness ESQ.

 DON'T KNOW WHO READS MY BLOG

According to my pageview counts, I get a lot of views every day on this blog.

However, I hardly receive any comments.

Sometimes none, usually one from my wife, and from Cheryl Merritt, or from my sister from tom to tom...and I am very thankful for any comments I get.

I'm curious, and NEED to know why out of almost 23,000 pageviews, I get so few comments or likes!

It's got to be a glitch in the system, like Obamacare!

The same weird thing is happining with my "Sad, Depressing Song!"

It has over 700 views on YouTube but just a handful of likes and comments! That's impossible!

It goes directly against the law of averages, or polling statistics, or NATURE...that's it...it goes against all laws of nature!

Think about it. 730 people listen to the song and only a handful make any comment, or hit like or dislike?

Come on, you know out of 730 people there's gonna be at least 10% haters! I should have 73 people writing hateful stuff about that "Sad Depressing Song!"

This goes against all laws of NATURE, don't it?

I think I already said that, but it's wort mentionin'!

Therefore, I'm asking everyone who reads my blog to belly up to the bar and simply hit like, funny, interesting, make a comment or somethin' to see if I am communicating with humans, or if aliens from outer space are reading this and don't want to reveal their secret identities.

BUT NOT ON THE FACEBOOK PAGE, PLEASE! On my blog. 

Inquiring minds need to know! Thanks!

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

We had such a beautiful service last night at Christ Bible Church, with the congregational singing of Christmas Carols, bible readings, inspirational readings, and solo's of Christmas songs.

The church was dark and peaceful, with just a few in attendance, but it was perfect!

Donna was able to go with me for a change, because it was a rare time she was off work.

She takes some of the residents from where she works to a different church on Sundays because she is kind and sweet.

It really did feel like a Holy Night with Donna, Matt, Ashley, Brooklin and Breanna all there with me on Christmas night!

Ashley captured a brief portion of the song I sang. Click on the link below if you'd like to hear it!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=869538023642

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Dec. 25th, 2013, It's Glirkmas!!!!

Merry Glirkmas grills and boids!

When we last saw our Gary, on his shiny spaceship, he had been visited by the Ghosts of Glirkmas Past an Present, and it was not lookin' good for Gary!

Gary had always been too busy doing heroic deeds, saving civilizations throughout all the universes, and defeating hideous space monsters to REALLY celebrate Glirkmas.

"Krapnax," Gary shouted, although he was alone on his shiny, silver spaceship...or was he?

Gary must have nodded off to sleep for a long weiner's nap when he opened his eyes, and saw a dark figure in a hooded cloak!

Was this his old friend Yoda? Maybe it was E.T.? 

No, Gary realized this must be the Ghost of Glirkmas yet to come!!

The hooded Ghost took Gary by the hand, and they flew through the closed doors of his shiny, silver spaceship, among the stars, moons, asteroids, space junk, and back down to his home town on his home planet of Glirka...but in the FUTURE!

It was Glirkmas, everyone was happy and having a wonderful time, but a few of  Gary's family and old friends were talking about Gary! Gary could see and hear them, but they couldn't see or hear Gary.

Gary's Uncle Gragg- Too bad Gary decided to go on that one last mission, and was never able to have a single Glirkmas celebration with us.

Gary's friend Garron- He died a hero, after saving the 100 billion inhabitants of Xerox, but it would have been nice to have him here for just one Glirkmas, for a change.

Gary's cousin Garaff- Where was Yellow Rose? I thought she always helped Gary when he was in trouble! 

Gary's friend Garth- They say she was so high on candy cane she never heard his distress calls. 

Gary's brother Goop- Very sad indeed. Oh, well, that means more roast glirky and gleer for us!! Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Gary- Nooooooo! I'm sorry! I should have decided to celebrate Glirkmas with you dudes! 

Of course, they couldn't hear him screaming.

Pleeeeeese! I need a do over! Somebody, anybody, help me!


Yellow Rose- GARY! Wake up! Gary, Gary, WAKE UP! 

Gary- Wuh, wuh, happen? 

Yellow Rose- You fell asleep, Gary, and you must have had a whopper of a nightmare! You're still going on Glirkmas vacation, aren't you?

Gary-I'm not skipping Glirkmas no matter what, this year!
Wow! Nothing is more important than being with my family and friends!

Gary's beeper thingy goes off!

Beep, beep beep, beep! Gary answers.

Gary-The Supreme Glirkheads want me to go to Xerox on a mission! 

Yellow Rose- Come on, let's go together! Then we will still have tom for our family Glirkmas celebrations! You wouldn't be able to survive the mission by yourself, anyway!

Gary- What! I could do that mission with one antenna tied behind my back! I mean, you can tag along, but I'm really a tough guy on my own, of course if you REALLY wanna go, I ain't gonna stop ya!

I have to keep Gary from shooting himself in the foot! LOL!

I heard that...but Merry Glirkmas, anyway!

Christmas Eve Poem OF 2013

Reindeer poop in little bags,

I love the gifts that we call gags,

Funny sweaters with funny faces,

Tickle me in funny places.

A lump of coal can make me laugh,

Or a rubber duck to share my bath,

Another thing that makes me grin,

Is a Santa beard for my chinny, chin, chin.

A Christmas album by Tiny Tim,

A rubber strap called "Your Home Gym,"

Some Silly String can make things bright,

Or a "leg lamp" to give some light!

A plastic mold of doggie vomit,

A blacklight poster of Dasher and Comet,

I'm not gonna say what they are doing,

But it's really fun to see them...on that poster.

A Cubs cap for a Cardinals fan,

A real old fruitcake in a can,

Uncle Max weighs about 450,

So a thong for him would be real nifty!

I love the stockings filled with toys,

And treats to bring your house pets joys,

There's nothing that can bring more glee,

Than when Fido pees upon the tree.

So when you get your silly present,

Just smile and act so very pleasant,

You'll get them back, 'cause you will trick it,

With that phony lottery ticket!

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

WOW!

My "Sad Depressing Song" has over 700 views now!

I know it's Christmas on Wednesday, but I had to share the joy of getting over 700 views on YouTube on just one song!

Once again I thank you guys for the big response to this utterly depressing song!

You ROCK!