Superbowl Sunday Suggestions

Don't freak out! I can say Superbowl, because I'm not selling anything. At least, I THINK so. It really makes no difference, because I ain't got any money to give them  in a lawsuit anyway! 

Do you have Superbowl traditions? Are they getting a bit stale, outdated and tired? 

Come on! How many Superbowl Sunday's have you had chips and dip? A LOT, I would guess. 

Same with beer, nachos, Jack Daniels, pretzels, wearing your teams jerseys and caps, and friendly betting on the game, right?

Why not change it up a bit, this year! It's 2020! Isn't it about time we break free of the old, worn out traditions, and begin brand new ones? Sure it is!!!

This is very symbolic, folks!

Just a few suggestions to spice up your Superbowl party this year...

1. Install sturdy metal bars across the ceiling and have everybody hang by their legs, upside down and watch the big game like a bunch of bats. This may SEEM like a nutty idea, but your video of this activity will go VIRAL, for sure!! 

2. Have exotic snacks, like toasted Cheerios and prunes, white bread with mustard and peanut butter, chicken livers floating in Pepsi, or even 

Pâté de Foie Gras, with FAUX fattened duck or goose. (we don't want PETA breathing down our necks, do we?)

3. Wear Game Of Thrones costumes and have awesome (non-lethal) battles whenever a touchdown is made. If someone is accidentally injured, change into doctor's outfits, bring out a stretcher, and run down the street with the stretcher to the nearest hospital, where you'll remember you left the injured victim at home!

4. Drink unique beverages, like grog, absinthe, theobroma, ninkasi beer, bat milk, or frog pee pee. (Warning: psychedelic effects may occur with the frog pee pee)

5. Choreograph a dance routine to perform when there's a foul call. Doing this will not, necessarily, make the call go YOUR way, but the down time will be more fun!  

Here are a few dance routine examples for ya!

6. Have your party participants rate the Superbowl commercials on a scale of one to 179. Have each member of your Superbowl party scratch out their personal rating for each commercial on a scrap of paper. After the game, place the scraps of paper in an empty, green absinthe bottle, go down to the nearest river (the Illinois River would be the nearest for me), throw the bottle in the river, let the drunkest individual dive into the river and retrieve the bottle, take it to the nearest airport, try to get it through security where you'll attempt to put it on a plane to Morocco, if you get that far, most likely, your whole Superbowl party attendees will be in jail by now, and the police have impounded the illegally imported absinthe bottle, and will read your ratings for the commercials, and are mad that they missed the Superbowl  because they were on duty! 

https://www.sciencehistory.org/distillations/the-devil-in-a-little-green-bottle-a-history-of-absinthe

Hey! Share some of your Superbowl traditions...or tell us what NEW traditions you'll be starting this year! Go ahead! It will be fun! We accept ALL comments! Feel free to put your two cents in the penny pile! 

Are you getting the point that I'd like you to comment? I hope so! 

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we last got a glimpse of our Glirkazoid gadabouts, Richie Havens was just about to explain how to defeat the fearsome Monster Of Malevalentay, and rescue the beautiful Princess Of Pyrotussin.

Richie Havens - "Okay, all you have to do is..."

Gary - "Richie! How come you never married? Are you, uh, I mean..."

Richie Havens - "Gay?"

Gary - " I knew it! I knew you were light in the loafers!!"

Rosie - "Gary!! Do NOT make fun of Richie because he's gay!!"

Richie - "I'm NOT gay!! I was married to my wife, Nancy, have 3 kids, 5 grand kids, and 2 great grand kids!!" 

Check out wikipedia if you don't believe me...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richie_Havens

"NOW, getting back to how to defeat the Monster Of Malevalentay, you need to..."

Gary - "Wait! I'm checking out that Wiki link! What? It says you are not entirely black! It says, quote...Born in Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, Havens was the oldest of nine children. He was of Native American (Blackfoot) descent on his father's side and of the British West Indies on his mother's. His grandfather was Blackfoot of the Montana/South Dakota area. Havens's grandfather and great-uncle joined Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show, got off in New York City, and ended up on the Shinnecock Reservation in Long Island. Havens's grandfather got married, then moved to Brooklyn."

Rosie - "What in Halley's Comet difference does it make if he's black, native American, or green, like you and me, all we know is people got to be free!"

Richie - "That's beautiful, Rosie! I think Gary is just surprised about me not being totally African American, and..."

Gary - "No! That's not it. I trust old black men, like Uncle Remus, Morgan Freeman, and all of the wise old black men in Earth movies, but I'm not so sure about other Earth races!"

Rosie - "I'm SHOCKED! You're a RACIST!"

Gary - "No WAY! Does only trusting black folks make me a racist? Don't forget, Morgan Freeman is God!" 

Richie - "Let me guess. You subscribe to The Movie Channel, right?"

Gary - "Netflix."

Richie - "Well, the movies of Earth are not all real, Gary! Most of them are made up stories, fantasies, fiction...and Morgan Freeman is NOT God."

Gary - "Blasphemer!! You best ask Morgan's forgiveness, pal!"

Rosie - "GARY! STOP!! JUST STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF, KNUCKLEHEAD!!"

Richie - "It's all good, my Glirkazoid friends. So, here is the way to destroy the mean, mad, Monster Of Malevalentay...you just..."

Rosie - "What was it like at Woodstock?"

Richie - "Et tu, Rosie?" It was COOL! It was FABULOUS! NOW, YOU GUYS SHUT UP SO I CAN TELL YOU HOW TO KICK THE MONSTER OF MALEVALENTAY'S BUTT!! OKAY!!!"

Rosie and Gary - "Okay."

Richie - "You simply have to..."

Gary - "Did you..."

Richie - "YOU TAKE AWAY HIS SCEPTOR!!!! YOU TAKE AWAY HIS SCEPTOR!!!"

See the sceptor in his hand?

Gary - "Hey. No need to lose your cool, Richie. We got it. You take away his sceptor." 

Richie - "Correct!"

Gary - "What's a sceptor?"

Rosie - "I'll explain later, Gary. Thanks, Richie! Can you get us over to Pyrotussin, so we can complete our mission?"

Instantly, Richie has transported our team to Pyrotussin!!!

Rosie - "Wow! That was quick!"

Gary - "Yeah! Richie didn't say goodbye or nuttin' honey! It's almost like he was happy to get rid of us!"

Rosie - "You think? By the way, don't call me honey!"

Suddenly, our Glirkazoid gladiators are startled by the deafening roar of the Monster Of Malevalentay, emitted from his giant cave, where he is holding the Princess Of Pyrotussin in abject slavery! 

Yes! Richie has transported them to the entrance of the monster's cave, but without weapons, how can they ever hope to defeat this undefeated foe?

Like Rocky Marciano

I guess you'll have to join us next Wednesday to find out...unless I stretch this part out to build the suspense over the next few episodes, but I doubt that, because I'm an impatient guy that yearns to find out what happens to Rosie and Gary when they battle the Monster Of Malevalentay in OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!

Okay, Rosie has her ray gun in this photo, but not on Pyrotussin. Don't be so nitpicky! 

Worthless Words For Tuesday

As you all know, I'm just a plain old guy who enjoys writing this blog to make my victims readers exclaim, "I don't get it!!"

"Why?" You ask so curiously. 

Well, the reason I do it, uh...is...I don't know.

Maybe because it's not healthy for me to retain all of this wacky stuff in my brain, and I need to release it upon my unsuspecting victims friends, family and innocent bystanders to retain (I already used retain, didn't I) maintain my fragile sanity, or what's left of it, or even right of it!

Now, don't you members of the "Peanut Gallery" fear that my madness will rub off on you in any way, shape or farm! Farm? 

It's scientifically impossiroo for my bizarre personality to have any influence on those who take the risk of partaking of my humerus observations! 

Think about DaVinki, the great inventor, artiste and body snatcher! Was ANYTHING he ever did remembered for very long? 

Okay, yes...but I'm no DaVinki! (I know it's DaVinci , but DaVinki is more fun to say, kind of like, epi-tome)

Anywho, that's all for today! Make sure you tune in for Out Of This Worm Wednesday, tomorrow! 

I Prefer To Dwell On The Good Things

I often sit here in front of my PC and decide on what interesting thing to opine about. Other times I go with the major story of the day. However, on days like today, it's prudent for me to steer away from the news of the day, and go to a place of peace, contentment, and joy. 

No. I'm not avoiding reality. I'm not afraid of facing the negative events of the world!

Okay! I am...but I CHOOSE to focus on more pleasant things to maintain whatever sanity remains in my diminutive brain. 

For instance, the weird and happy videos I've made over the years...

I hope you all feel better now!

Newfangled TV Ads Make Me Mad!

I'm so frustrated with these newfangled TV commercials! 

Unlike normal folks, I used to love watching commercials. Especially the weird and funny commercials that had weird and funny characters, like Mr. Whipple...

Madge...

The Trix rabbit...

Wally Cox...

The Maytag Man...

Way back when, the ads were slow enough to follow, understandable, and devoid of pyrotechnics and CGI (computer generated images, for you in Goofy Ridge). 

Tell me I'm just an old geezer, but I cannot keep up with 21st century commercials! Okay, who said, "You old geezer?"

First of all, they do the ad in split second flashes! Before you can get a brief glimpse of the attractive focus group, they flash on to another attractive focus group, then continue to do 1 second flashes of different focus groups, cars, dogs, babies, vacations and more, until I forget what the commercial is all about, and I have a headache!!

Example of what I'm talkin' about! 

A lot of times I'll watch a commercial that has bizarro music, an actor who THEY think I should recognize, no words, but lots of swirling, colorful  CGI stuff in the background. When it's over, I have no idea what THEY were advertising! 

Example of ad that makes no sense!

Here's something else THEY  have been doing for a while, that drives me totally BONKERS! 

Playing the boring ad twice in a row is NOT gonna make me buy the product! Playing the ad THREE TIMES IN A ROW is gonna cause me to NEVER buy the product!! Even if I desperately need it!! 

Guess if I'll ever buy a My Pillow.

In the old days, if they wanted to sell you a hamburger, they would show a nice, juicy hamburger, steaming on a plate. It made me hungry for a hamburger. Duh!

Especially White Castle Hamburgers! Yum!!

Now, they will show everything else BUT a big juicy hamburger, in many commercials! A sexy girl leaning on a sexy car...a family at a theme park...Sea Turtles (to capture the environmental crowd), a doo wop group...Sorry, but none of that stuff makes me hungry like a picture of a NICE JUICY HAMBURGER, a LARGE ORDER OF FRIES and a BIG COKE!

There are about a thousand other things in commercials I could complain about, but, as you all know, I'm not one to complain.

However...I want to conclude with the fast talking disclaimers. To save themselves from lawsuits, the ad folks include disclaimers that are faster than light speed X 10! 

Why? No one understands them! They actually make me angry, because it's like someone is speaking a foreign language to make me feel inferior, which I always feel when some superior foreigner is talking to me, let alone an American who speaks a foreign tongue to me! How do they do that? I can't do that!!

This is funny!

So, let me leave you with one of my all time favorite commercials from days of olde...

If you remember this you're a seasoned citizen!