Let's play "Name The Celebrities" And Do Some Other Weird Things!!!

What do all of these celebrities have in common with me?

First! Can you name them all? Whoever is first to name all 11 will win first class tickets on the first passenger rocket to Jupiter! Lunch included! (Or should that be launch included, Ha ha ha ha ha!)

Back to our first question (I'm overusing the word first), which was, what do all these celebs have in common with me?

First (there I go again) you're thinking that it's our good looks, right?

However, not ALL of the celebrities are as cute as me, so forget about that. Of course, that's just my personal, unbiased opinion. 






Maybe now you guys and gals have decided that it's TALENT that's the commonality that links me to these TALENTED super celebrities! 

Wrongo! I'm kinda talented, in very limited ways, but I can't pitch like, ............., or write poetry like............., or act in horror flicks like............., or star in Quantum Leap like..............,or do the voice of mandrill Rafiki in the Lion King,
 like..............., or even come close to singing like................! (How does he hit those stratospherically high, high notes?) (Maybe I'm thinking of Michael Bolton, oh, what's the diff)

So scratch talent off your list. 

Could it be that we've all been investigated by the government? No. That's too easy. Who hasn't been investigated by the government in this 21st centurian! 

If you REALLY want to know the answer, you need to go outside today, pick one of those fuzzy dandelions, blow off the fuzzies, walk to the nearest body of water, submerge yourself up to your waist, whilst holding the fuzzless flower (yes, dandelions are flowers, I saw it on Fazebook) above your head, as you cluck like a chicken.

The connection between me and those celebs will come upon you like "Gangbusters," or maybe not!

Just to make my blog thing more intriguing today, I'm not gonna tell you the answer! You guys and gals can participate by placing your guesses in any comments section available to you, that we have spared no expense in providing! 

Here is the question again, since you've probably forgotton already...

What do all of these celebrities have in common with me?

And don't forget to make your futile attempt at guessing the names of all 11 celebs! 

Tim Conway...Too Wonderful For Words!!!!

Illinois Road Work? Ha!

If you live in Illinois, in the U.S. Of A., one of the most horrifying words you can hear is ROAD CONSTUCTION! (I guess that's two words, but who's counting?)

There are all of those cli·chés about road construction guys leaning on their shovels, how you never see them work, that they put up hundreds of miles of orange barrels and barricades that we have to slow down to a snails pace for, but not even ANY road equipment can be spotted along the whole stinkin' way!

Well, it's all TRUE! 

Now, I'm speaking anecdotally. I'm sure there are parts of Illinois that have absolutely lovely roads, due to the hard working road crews that diligently put up orange barrels and actually work behind the protection of them, instead of standing in a little circle talking and smoking cigarettes. 

However, I have never heard ANYONE from Illinois describe a place like that, but I don't get out much...because of all the stupid road construction signs...even though NO road construction is happening that I have witnessed!

One of the most frustrating signs is this one...

How simple! How cost effective! Instead of fixing the road, just put up a $75.00 sign that warns us about the rough road! That simple sign has saved Illinois taxpayers millions upon millions of dollars! 

Where does the money go? Don't ask, at the risk of your life, liberty and well being! 

I really and firmly believe that the major tire companies pay off the Illinois politicians to keep the roads in nasty, rough conditions. Don't you?

I haven't looked up any statistics (I never do)  on this, but I would guesstimate Illinois drivers use 3 times the amount of tires as drivers from Missouri, Ohio, Arizona, and Walla Walla, Washington...COMBINED!

Why did I feel so "at home" at the Grand Canyon? You guessed it! Illinois potholes! Winter has been over for a long time now, and we are still destroying our vehicles in massive potholes that have not yet been repaired! 

Okay, if you're an Illinois road crew person, don't get angry with me for chronicling what I've personally noticed , and what everyone I've ever met from Illinois has noticed. We could all be incorrect, need our eyes checked, or living in an alternate universe.

It's not you road crew guys to blame, anyway. It's the "higher ups" that created this problem! The space aliens that want us all to go nuts from the traffic delays and destroy each other! 

That's it! That's the ticket!! We can't let THEM win! Even if we all take a bucket of asphalt to the roads and fix them ourselves, we've taken a small step in preventing our planet from being conquered by disgusting, slimy creatures from beyond! Kind of like Illinois politicians, but not as slimy!!

Guess who?

Yes! There's A Blog Today! Just Because It's My Birds Day, Is No Reason To Let You Guys Down!

I lot of you were probably worried that I wouldn't do my blog today, because it's my birds day, but how could I let you guys, and gals, down?

It's my obligation to do my blog in spite of rain, wind, locusts, famine, and even birds days! 

I was born (I hope I don't bore you with my life story), now, where was I? Oh. yes, I was born as a small baby. I was so ugly, the doctor slapped my mom and dad!

My mom took me on my first airplane trip when I was only two months. The guy sitting next to us said, "Lady, I don't normally step into other folks business, but that's the ugliest baby I've EVER seen!"

So my mom calls the stewardess (that's what they used to be called), and tells her the guy is harassing us.

The stewardess tells my mom, "just calm down, I'll bring you a drink, and a banana for your monkey."

Old joke, but excuse me, it IS my birds day! Ha ha!

I was always a bit afraid to go to school, because my parents would move before I came home. 

I played football in high school and my grades were not great, so the principle wanted me kicked off the team. The coach asked the principle to give me a test, to see if I could be kept on the football squad. 

The principle, the coach and myself went into the principle's office and the principle said he would ask me one question to decide my fate. 

He said, "Danny, what's one and one?" I hesitated for a few seconds, and blurted out "TWO!"

The coach yelled out, "give him another chance, give him another chance!!" 

I joined the Army, and while I was over in Nam (I really didn't go to Nam) I saw a guy mowing down the enemy with a simple stick!

He would walk up to them with the stick, point it at them, and say, "stickity, stick, stickity stick" and the enemy combatants would drop like flies! I was so amazed, until the day I saw him lying on the ground, flat and mangled!

Next thing I heard was one of the enemy saying "tankity tank, tankity tank!!" 

Well, I don't have tom to tell you about the rest of my life, if tom were here it would be much easier, but he's so lazy anyway, so whatever!

Tom Poston

I REALLY need to get back to my birds day celebrations that haven't REALLY happened yet, but I'm sure there's gonna be some kind of a surprise party for me, with gifts, cake, dancing bears, unicyclists, fire breathers, monkeys, J. Lo.,  cotton candy, iced cream, yodelers, plate spinners, and all kinds of stuff like that!

Wash Away Tumult! It's Happy Time!!

For centuries, I've dedicated my blog to silly things, funny events, nonsensical wordplay, and bizarre attempts at humor (humour, if you're from the "old world." 

"Why?" You ask so inquisitively! 

Because we have too much tumult goin' on today! WAY too much tumult!! 

1. • tu·mult

     /ˈt(y)o͞oˌməlt/

     1. • 
          

          confusion or disorder.

          "the whole neighborhood was in a state of fear and tumult"

          
          

          synonyms:

          turmoil, confusion, disorder, disarray, disturbance, unrest, chaos, turbulence, mayhem, havoc, upheaval, upset, ferment, agitation, trouble;

It's important, even for just a few moments, to totally remove tumult, 

turmoil, confusion, disorder, disarray, disturbance, unrest, chaos, turbulence, mayhem, havoc, upheaval, upset, ferment, agitation,  and trouble from our weary minds.

Kapeesh? Or is it Capiche? I don't know, but I think you guys understand. 

It's kind of a relief to take our minds off of the "tumult" and move it way over to, let's say, The Little Rascals, for us "timers"....

For the millennial's  it could be American Idol contestants who didn't win (although that might be considered tumultuous to some) ...

Freeing our minds to imaginary places, that exist only in our childlike brains, will increase our joy to unbounded, limitless destinations of sheer 
ecstasy, that will in turn, make our day pleasant, at least until the 3 PM blahs. Of course, at that time, you  just need to go back and read my blog again, which will take you all the way to the start of Game Of Thrones, which will toss you right back into 
tumult, 

turmoil, confusion, disorder, disarray, disturbance, unrest, chaos, turbulence, mayhem, havoc, upheaval, upset, ferment, agitation,  and trouble, but in a FUN way!

Okay, okay! Just KIDDING, Game Of Throne fans, don't cut my head off! 

Besides reading my blog, there are many other ingenious ways of taking your mind off the chaotic upheaval in the world. 

1. (And we do mean this is number one) Turn off the stupid news! Local news is acceptable. (These are only suggestions, since I REALLY don't know what I'm talking about) 

2. Talk to your pets. If you don't have a pet, talk to your plants. You'd be surprised how much wisdom dwells within them! (A vast amount, compared to politicians)

3. Doodle. I don't mean like your doggie does on the rug, but get a blank piece of paper and start doodling. Lust look at what these doodlers came up with...

4. Get out in the kitchen and rattle those pots and pans! I don't mean to start cooking and baking, that's way too much effort! Just rattle them until the neighbors call the police. In jail you don't have access to all those devices that show you all the tumult that brings you down! However, maybe they do now. I don't know, I haven't been in jail for a few years now. 

Another drawback to being in jail is you wouldn't be able to read my funny, anti-tumult blog! That would be devastating for you guys!

Let's end now with the perfect song to match my imperfect blog...