I Ain't Dead Yet

The problem with being old and shutting down your blog for a few days is that folks think you died. Then, if they think you're dead, they don't click on to your blog anymore! 

So let me confirm that I'm not dead, by a song I wrote many moons ago. 

Here it is...

Did you listen to it? Oh, I hope you did! It was professionally recorded, with the legendary Night Bandits band backing me up, and it's pretty funny and cleverly written, in my non-humble opinion. 

Even if you did not listen to it, go ahead and listen now, to make me feel like I accomplished something today. After listening, would you kindly give me a little feedback on the song? 

I'll wait...as you listen to "Ain't Dead Yet"...whilst I listen to the Syncopated Clock song...

All righty dytee...how did you like the song? 

No...not the Syncopated Clock song! EVERYBODY likes that! I'm talking about "Ain't Dead Yet," MY original song! 

Speaking of being dead...I went to Schnucks grocery store the other day (pronounced Schnooks), and the cashier was shocked to see me, because someone told her I had died! 

I had a hard time convincing her I was still alive, because a really reliable person had told her about my death!

I'm not sure if she ever believed me, but that goes to show how powerful "fake news" can be!

Anywho...

Out Of This World Wednesday

Gary the Glirkazoid is having trouble fixing the disgronificator intake on the Silver Sausage Spazeship, and is starting to lose his patience. 

Gary the Glirkazoid

Gary - "Awwww snicksablincksy! Why doesn't the gromulator valve ever fit on the widget frazor, easily?!!"

Rosie - "Don't you have any patience, Gary?"

Rosie the riveter Glirkazoid

Gary - "I'm not a doctor, Rosie! Now hand me that degressant wrench!"

Rosie - "Ha ha, I almost forgot to laugh ... and you don't need a degressant wrench, you knucklehead, a little twist of this set screw will get er done."

Immediately, the Silver Sausage is running like a Belorian Beltway Buggy, after a 900 year tuneup!

Sorry folks, but that's all we have time for today! Return next Wednesday for the next episode of Out Of This World Wednesday!!!

Greg And Dan Radio Show Played My Song Because They Are So Awesome!!

Some of you guys may have noticed that I have not attempted my blog for a few days. We had a family health crisis that did not allow my heart to write a funny blog, but things are looking up at this time. 

The only thing I want to do today is share a song I wrote for the Greg and Dan Radio Show, that they ACTUALLY played on the air this morning!!

Here it is...

I hope you liked it!!

Here is a link to the Greg and Dan Show...
https://www.1470wmbd.com/shows/greg-dan/

Experts Say Your Commenting

 Will Improve My Health!

Experts will tell you that 97.3 % of Americans, are opposed to 56.8 % of people, who like 13.1 % of blogs.

I really don't like statistics, because I'm not good at geography. No matter. I'll blame my gym teacher!

I'll just keep blogging my heart out, until I can't blog my heart out no mo!!

It used to bother me when absolutely no one said, "good job on the blob blog," or "that blog article you wrote was FUUUUN...NEEEEEY!!"

Now I understand that my readers are super shy, or not wanting to be associated with a madman, or actually too insecure to give any encouragement to others, so as not make themselves look like lesser beings. 

Of course, I'm not talking about YOU, because YOU always comment on how funny my blog is, how YOU enjoyed this certain part, or that certain part, and YOU continue to pour out YOUR pea pickin' little heart with YOUR pea pickin' heartfelt comments! 

I'm talkin' about the party poopers who NEVER get involved with this interactive blog, and therefore, it remains a mystery as to whether they are actually reading it or not. 

Come on! Let's get really real! How could an indivisible read my blog and NOT say, "good job," or "that was FUUUUN...NEEEEY," or "I enjoyed this certain part or that certain part," or "kiss my foot on Grand and Olive," or SOMETHING!!

Grand and Olive, St. Louis, Mo.

It's a good thang that YOU are not the one who is actually NOT reading my blog, because it would break my pea pickin' heart to realize one of my dearest amigos is only pretending to read it, just to keep from breakin' my pea pickin' heart! 

On the other hand, I'm kinda happy that you care enough about me to "like" my blog, even though you never read a single worm! That's sweeter than Tupelo honey!

In conclusion,folks, it would be really nice if I heard from you non readers, even though you'll never read what I just wrote. Kind of a paradox, ain't it?

Charlie Brown Paradox

The Complete History Of Friday

Friday. The only man to get all his work done by Friday is Robinson Crusoe.

You young "whipper snappers" will not understand that joke.

In addition, you won't get "whipper snappers" either, but that's "hunky-dory," which you won't...nevermind.

Historically and linguistically speaking, the word Friday comes from the term "free day."

"Free day" started with the ancient Greeks, when after slaves served their masters 24/7 they were given a day at the end of the week to have a few hours of free time to themselves.

On that special "free day," or Friday, as it's known in 2019, the slaves were allowed to wash their clothes, which were no more than rags, bathe in the rivers, but NEVER in the Greek bathing tubs, scrounge food from the Greek garbage dumps, and generally have a great time!

The tradition of "free day," or Friday, transmigrated to the poor, hapless, sweatshop workers of the late 19th century. They still had to work their butts off on Friday, but were allowed to have one smoke break, an old carrot, and a sip of water from a rain barrel. Really not a vast improvement over the Greek slaves, if you ask me. But who's askin' me, right?

There has been a VAST improvement nowadays, when it comes to Fridays! It really doesn't matter to me because I'm like a car who drove on 100 miles of Illinois roads...RETIRED! (Get it! The tires are so damaged, the car needs to be...nevermind.)

Fridays are REALLY "free days" for a whole lot of folks! They bring in doughnuts, smoke wacky tobacky on breaks, do as little as possiroo, lawmakers create lots of holidays on Fridays, so loooong weekends are enjoyed, a lot of horseplay ensues, bosses take the day off, which makes the "mice play" even more (when the cats away the...nevermind), everyone is on their electralogical devices, "testing" all their friends with their thumbs, and it's all gone to hades in a handbasket!!

By now, you faithful readers realize I've made ALL of this up in what's left of my brain, right?

Good! I would not want to think my devoted readers are as gullible as me! Even on a free day I mean Friday!!

Greg And Dan Kept Their Promise

Just Like They ALWAYS Do!!!

If you didn't have the opportunity to hear my new song played on the Greg and Dan radio show this morning, it's all good!

I will put a link to it at the end of this delightful blog story.

Greg and Dan played my profoundly serious song at almost exactly 6:55 AM, EXACTLY as they promised!! Almost exactly, meaning 6:57 AM, but that's really close!

What always touches my heart is how they heap praise on me as their official songwriter, and say that I'm funny! NOBODY thinks I'm funny, so what a sweet blessing to have friends like that who pronounce that I'm funny to hundreds of thousands of listeners!! (Just a guesstimation on the amount of listeners, but they have a whole lot!!)

Just a brief background story on the song...

Yesterday, Greg and Dan were discussing the giant blob that scientists had discovered on the dark side of the moon. 

Well, maybe is was scientists, I'm not sure. It coulda been a satellite, or space probe, or something, but the point is, it was found!

There is a lot of speculation as to what that giant blob may be, so I started doin' some speculatin' myself! I put my speculations into song form and sent it to Greg and Dan. I was happy to learn they would be playing it on their AMAZING radio show this morning!!!! And they did, they did!!!!!!!!!

Another thing I love about my buddies, Greg and Dan, is they don't care how crappy my songs are, they still play them!! In fact, sometimes, the crappier the song, the more they play it!! Go figure.

So here is what you've been breathlessly waiting for...

Blob Inside The Moon

by Danny Maness

Listen To The Greg And Dan Radio Show Tomorrow Morning At 6:55 AM.

I know it's early, but one of my musical creations will be featured at that exact time, give or take a few seconds!

Here is a link to the show if you live far, far away from central Illinois...

https://www.1470wmbd.com/shows/greg-dan/

If you happen to live in central Illinois, tune your transistor radio to 1470 AM or 100.3 FM on your radio dial. 

 I know you're dying to know what they are gonna play, but I ain't tellin' ya!

Let's just say it's very in the news at this juncture in time. 

Here is a hint...

My How Roman Has Grown!

It is almost inconceivable that Roman has grown that much in a mere year!

If time is gonna be moving THAT fast, I need to prepare for his little league baseball games, driving lessons, high school graduation, first flight to Mars....I'm running out of time!!

Just a couple of days ago he said, "Babaw, would you come play with me?" 

Wow! I need to cherish moments like that, because when he's 16 (and I'm 83 or something), he'll say, "would someone prevent this old fart from drooling on me!" However, isn't it fair, since Roman drooled on me plenty of times, and worse than that?!!

Of course, being a grandpa, I have no say-so as to what activities he'll be doing. My choices would be football, wrestling, baseball, karate, fishing, (but not regular fishing...noodling!), kung fu, axe throwing,

And everything all rugged and manly, they way God meant it for little boys!

None of this playing with dolls!! Not even G.I. Joe dolls, if they still make 'em! I'm not taking any chances with MY grandson...er...uh... I mean...I HOPE he enjoys many of things his Babaw did when I was a young lad. 

I would never dream of trying to influence Roman in any particular way. That would be overstepping my boundaries, and you all know I've never been one to overstep boundaries in any kind of way.

The few incidents where I DID overstep my boundaries were totally justified in my humble opinion, even if the judge disagreed. 

Even if Roman gets enrolled in dance class, or plays (gulp), soccer, becomes captain of the chess club, or even majors in interior decorating, I will not love him any less than if he wins the International Arm Wrestling Championship Of The World!

Even though, that would be pretty AWESOME!!!

I just need to stop obsessing over what Roman will be, or not be, and leave it in God's hands.

Remember what God did with Samson? Wow!