IS IT WIse TO a Blog PoSt  WhEN  You'RE DrUNJK?

You tell me, and we'll both know!

So far, this is not funny, is it? 

Funny can't be forced, it has to come as easily and natural as childbirth. 
Hey, I thought that was pretty good, but how will I ever know, because  I'm  REALLY DRUMP!

♫I was drunh last night dear mother,♪♪ 
♪I was drunk the night before,♪♫
 ♫and if you forgive mr, dear mother,♫
♪♪I'll never get drunk anymore!♪♪

Magaret O'Brien did a wonderful job singing " I Was Drunk Last Night, Dear Mother" in "Meet Me In St. Louis," but I couldn't find a clip of that, so here she is singing "Under The Bamboo Tree"with Judy Garland in "Meet Me In St. Louis." I think you're gonna hafta rent the whole damn movie to see it! See how they got us by the cojones?

Woo hoo! I found another girl sunging "I Was Drunk Last Night, Dear Mother", and she ain't too bad, but Margaret O'Brien was a million times more aborable!

What? Yeah, I like show tunes.
What of it! 
I was raised with 3 older sisters, and that's what they listened to!
Played with dollies? Maybe...BUT..

I was also on the varsity wrestling AND football team, mother freaker!
How's about I tear your freakin' head off and shove it up your ARSE!!!!

Sorrrry! Sometimes I get a bit belligerent when I'm forced to justify my feminine side, which frankly, I'm quite proud of, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I think proves I'm a REAL man, and reallystoned to the gills!

I was married to my first wife for 30 years, and I got married to Donna in 2008, but don't tell my first wife!

                    DONNA               

Anyway, they both told me I'm a real sensitive guy, and even though I've been mistaken for someone with an alternative lifestle dozens of times, it just shows my 3 sisters dressing me up like a Brbie doll until I was 10, rubbed off a little.

SOOOOOO...You have to be the jubdge of weather a drunk posting of a blog post is a goob thing or a bad thinb!

My bloogy futurr is in tyour hands!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: Everything written in this blog should not be considered true, accurate, or coherent.
Any vague analogies, references, or similarities that may have seemed to put the writer of this blog in a less than macho position is purely for comedy, and/or entertainment purposes.
The writer of this blog was not actually drunk during the creation  of this fictional material.
If he was, could he have written this awesome disclaimer?
I THINK NOT! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ACTOR WITH ROLE OF FAMOUS SCIENTIST CLAIMS THE BEATLES WERE TIME TRAVELERS!

Bert Lipshitz, a Brooklyn, New York actor (67 years of age) who is portraying Stephen Hawking in an off, off Broadway play entitled "I'm Way Smarter Than You, Shit For Brains", has used the "unscientific method" to prove the Fab Four were actually time travelers .

Lipshitz had what he called,"an epiphany" while playing the part of Hawking, and involuntarily/unconsciously scribbled "Time Travelers, Beatles Were"(kind of like Yoda would say it) on the armrest of his wheelchair. 

He then began his unscientific research that has led him  to conclude that the only way the Beatles could have created such awesomely stunning music is through time travel! (Echoing) Time travel, time travel, time travel...

"Lets think back about 40  years ago, Lipshitz related to me in an exclusive interview, and we were high on purple haze and listening to the GOOD side of the Abbey Road album (or was it Magical Mystery Tour?), and we came to the indisputable truth that the Beatles were aliens from some highly developed, stunningly beautiful universe and no one could convince us otherwise!" 

Me..Yeah, I remember! It was the Abbey Road album (the side that started with "Here Comes The Sun") and it wasn't purple haze, it was blotter, pure stuff, no nervous side effects or nothin'! 

Lipshitz...Did you believe the Beatles were from another planet?

Me...Sure...still do!

Lipshitz...Wrongo, Beatle Brainless!!!!
They were from the future, man! 
They were time travelers... (serious echo effect) time travelers...time travelers...time travelers..
Like so many who were playing that "narcotic" music in our youthful hayday (echoing hayday) hayday...hayday...hayday...(too much echoing?)

Me...What evidence do you have that the Beatles, and other various and sundry musicians were time travelers, Poindexter?

Lipshitz..The songs dude, the songs!!!
Here is a list of time traveling musicians. and the songs that give them away!

     Jim Croce                           Time In A Bottle 
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Till Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you.

Lipshitz...The words are a dead givaway, can't you see? 

The "bottle " is the time machine that can "save everyday 'till ETERNITY passes away just to spend them with you!" 

This should be clear even to a "time snail" like y.., I mean...

The members of the band Chicago were major time travelers, as we can see from this classic time traveling song:

         Chicago..Does AnybodyReally Know What Time It Is?

Of course not! How would you ever REALLY know what time it is if you were constantly bouncing around from one time period to another!!

Now, back to the Beatles. (that would be a good name for an album) I have discovered so much foolproof, solid evidence that the Beatles were time travelers that you'll say, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Read these TELLING lyrics and you will be in awe over my brilliant unscientific method of finding the time traveling truth about the Liverpool Lads!

Cause I got the real love
The kind that you need
Youll come running back (said you would, baby)
Youll come running back (I always said you would)
Youll come running back, to me
Yes time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
I said, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side
Yeah, time, time, time is on my side

Ah Haa! You understand now, do you not!!!

The Beatles are here admitting that TIME, TIME,TIME..is on their side!

They have total control of time!

Yes it is, they keep repeating!!!!

Me..Uh, Mr. Lipshitz, I hate to tell you this, but that is a Rolling Stones song.

Lipshitz...Are you sure? 

Me.. Yeah, pretty sure, Bert.

Lipshitz..Dammit, I wonder if I'll have to return my 10 million in research funding from the government?

I MUST DO MY BLOG REAL FAST TODAY

We have got a zillion things to do today, and I'm supposed to be taking a nap to prepare to drive 4 hours this afternoon on a trip, but first I need to do my blog thingy so I don't let down all my faithful fans!

Guns: Folks say I need my assault weapons that shoot 500 rounds per second to defend myself against the gover-ment!

DUH!! If the government comes after you, they'll have BIG HUGE guns, tanks, rockets, missile loaded drones, bunker bustin' BOMBS...and here you are with your insignificant little gun.

Haven't you seen those drone attacks on the news?  

The dudes are driving along in their cars, minding their own beeswax, then BOOM!!!! 

A hell fire missile blows them to kingdom come with no warning at all, whatsoever!!!

That's what they would do to you!

You would not even have time to pick up your stupid, rapid fire, pea shooter! 

You wouldn't know what hit you, brother!

Remember the old saying, don't take a knife to a gunfight? 

How's about, don't take a rifle to fight a government with the mightiest arsenal in the whole wide world!!!! Including NUKES!

I may be silly, but sometimes I think people use that 2nd Amendment as an excuse to play pretend soldier, or maybe pretend mass murderer, but I could be wrong.

Do you think some folks just enjoy that feeling of power that comes from knowing they could kill 20 or 30 people with just one weapon?

No! If that were true, you would see multiple murders all over this country.

NAPS: I need to take my nap. 

Wish I had tom to share more stuff with you!

Shocking News! 

ANTS GO MARCHING ONE BY ONE LITTLE ONE STOPS TO SHOOT A GUN!!! 

A familiar tragic scene was played out in south Peoria when an ant freedom march went awry , and a young member of the march (Antoine Johnston) stopped to fire off  an AK 47 in an angry protest.

The march began about 9:00 P.M. at the corner of  Adam and Hill to shed light on the problem of bigotry and ant abuse in the local community.

The ants walked single file to illustrate that every ant is an individual and has the same rights and freedoms as all Americans.

"We wanted this to be as peaceful as possible," said a spokesman for the A.N.T.S.F. F. organization. ( The acronym stands for "Ants Not Too Small For Freedom")

"We put all the adult ants through the metal detector, but did not expect a little "maggot" to be packin' a piece; especially an AK47,"  said Chief Settingsgard of the Peoria Police Dept. 

Eye witnesses heard the antling yell, "I'm tired of being stepped on, death to the GIANTS," right before he open fired, or is that opened fire? I don't know.

Antshanekkia  Johnston, the young shooters mother,  said she was totally unaware that her son even owned a gun; "especially an AK 47," she said, " He's a good boy. He always bringin' things home for his momma, givin' me money, jewelry, laptops, and such as that."

One of the marchers was a "pupa counselor" at the "Antfarm," a rural getaway for dysfunctional little ants like little Antoine, who related this to me; "Being an ant growing up on the mean streets of Peoria is no picnic. Sometimes the little maggots never crawl out of their hole, and if they do, they turn to grass, ass, and guns."

The A.N.T.S.F.F.  group is planning on another march in, uh, March (minus Antoine), and for safety sake will be marching seven by seven. Heaven help them!

By the way, less than a dozen humans were killed or injured. Not bad , considering the history of these events.

I AM SO EXCITED I COULD PUKE!!!

Next month I am meeting the most famous dude you could ever imagine, and I'm thrilled to the gills!!!

Wanna guess who? 

 Charlie Sheen? 

No, better than him!

Monty Python?

How many times do I have to tell you that Monty Python is not............alive anymore!

Freddy Mercury?

Freddy Mercury was the name of a band, not a real dude, dude!

Okay, think of someone who invented a popular game, and appeared on the Today Show!

Monty Hall?

NO! This guy actually met Carl Bernstein!

Bob Woodford?

Woodward, Woodward, and NO not him!!!

Have you ever heard of "99 Beers Off The Wall?"

Sure...♫

If you start singing I'll kill you dead!

Uh, I, well...

Nevermind!!! It's the Great  Marty Wombacher you ignorant son-of- bitch!!!!

Wow! Oh, man! He was the one who invented that super easy trivia game! I love him!

I thought I TOLD you he invented a game.

Yeah, but you didn't tell me it was THE game!

The only game I've ever won!!

ANYWAY, don't tell Marty I put this in my blog because he probably wants to keep this hush, hush, due to the paparazzi that follows him 24/7.

May I go with you?

HA! You must have a death wish, my man!

Can you drag yourself to 25 maggot infested bars in one night?

Well, I think...

Can you drink 27 bottles of Budweiser in a row without calling your mommy?

That would....

"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight"...No, wait, I think Jack Nicholson said that in a Batman movie!

     Ever Dance With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight

When you come back to me as a real man, with gold in your hand, I might consider dragging you along, but right now, "You can't handle the truth!"

NO! You are not yet able to walk with this icon pictured below!!!!!!

Now, for all you cats that think you'll find out where we gonna be , and try to mussle in on our  drinkin' jubilee, you best not mess wit Marty and Me!!

MY DOG BENJI IS MY BEST BUDDY

There he is in the picture. Isn't he cute? 

                                               BENJI                      
If you think he's NOT cute, please stop reading this now. 

           You have no soul!  

Quotes About Dogs                                      

Here is what children always say when they see Benji...Awww!

That is the proper, natural reaction to a little sweet doggie like  Benji The Wonder Dog...Awwwwwww!

                       Whatever you do, don't miss this clip!

Did you know that some people can walk past Benji and totally ignore him?

They must have had a lot of bad things happen to them in their lives. That's all I can figure. 
Nice people stop and talk baby talk to him, and rub him about the head, face and beard.

Come on! Look at that beautiful face!

Benji REALLY despises being alone, and wants to be with me or Donna at every single moment.


 That's okay with us because it's nice to be loved !

He goes totally bonkers when we come home, even if it's only been 10 minutes! He makes us feel like rock stars!

Benji loves taking his walks as much as he loves to eat!

He will jump on the bed at about 4:30 in the morning and begin to lick my face and eyes. It's the eye licking that really wakes me up!

He patiently stands still while I put his harness and leash on him, and he's out the door like a bullet!!

I really enjoy watching him poo-poo. It is sooo funny!
First he sniffs about a ten by ten section of the ground THROUGHLY (he always has a hard time choosing the exact, perfect spot), then he starts moving back and forth like a lion pacing in a cage, turns one or two circles, squats, and then let's it fly! 
 It's exactly the same way every time, unless he has to go really bad, and then he just squats and poops.

What? Too much info? Sorry!

I am so happy that one day God was in a good mood, and made dogs!

Benji forces me to take a LOT of walks every day (good for my health), he provides hours of hilarious entertainment (good for my soul), he cuddles with me in bed (makes us both feel secure), he's a great watchdog (barking at anything that bumps in the night); gives me someone to talk to when Donna is at work or away,  and never criticizes me for being fat!

He is my best friend! 

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.  ~Ben Williams

You dog lovers know exactly what I mean, don't you?

Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.  ~Agnes Repplier

I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands.  When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat.  For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.  ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.  ~Corey Ford

With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.  ~Edward Jesse, Anecdote of Dogs

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.  ~Author Unknown

Yeah, I know; my blog is usually very weird, dysfunctional and wacky, but I wanted to pay a tiny tribute to dogs for the mighty way they improve our lives every day, and especially to Benji, my best buddy! 

Benji and the Cricket

                      

                                                        

http://glirkazoid.blogspot.com/2013/01/theme-song-filled-with-evil-subliminal.html
CLICK ON ANY OR  ALL OF THE LINKS TO WATCH THIS MISSING BLOG POST!

SINCE I POSTED TWO VIDEOS THE OTHER DAY, SOME FOLKS MISSED THIS ONE, BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T EXPECT DA BOTE UH DEM!

http://glirkazoid.blogspot.com/2013/01/theme-song-filled-with-evil-subliminal.html

CLICK ON ANY OR ALL OF THE LINKS TO WATCH THIS MISSING BLOG POST!

THE TITLE IS:
THE TRUTH ABOUT GILLIGAN'S ISLAND! 


Is the beloved T.V. show actually part and parcel of a diabolical conspiracy of such magnitude it will make you say, hmmmm?

CLICK ON ANY OR  ALL OF THE LINKS TO WATCH THIS MISSING BLOG POST!

http://glirkazoid.blogspot.com/2013/01/theme-song-filled-with-evil-subliminal.html

Was Gilligan's Island a propaganda tool that started the rebellion of hippies in the 60's?

http://glirkazoid.blogspot.com/2013/01/theme-song-filled-with-evil-subliminal.html

LICK ON ANY OR ALL OF THE LINKS TO WATCH THIS MISSING BLOG POST! Lick?

Would you have liked for Ginger to be sitting on your lap while Mary Ann was kissing you,  as Thurston and Lovey were handing you money, Gilligan was bringing you free cheeseburgers , the Skipper was repairing the Minnow , and The Professor was bulding you a "Mac" out of palm leaves and seashells?

Duh! Who wouldn't?

                   http://glirkazoid.blogspot.com/2013/01/theme-song-filled-with-evil-subliminal.html

CLICK ON ANY OR ALL OF THE LINKS TO WATCH THIS MISSING BLOG POST! 

THEY'RE BAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!

I was listening to the very honest and credible Greg and Dan 
Radio Show, when they started receiving calls about UFO'S 
over Manito, Illinois!! 

That's right folks, MANITO!!!



Why would self respecting "visitors from beyond" fly over a 

little, insignificant place like Manito? Hmmmm?



We will approach that question later, but in my curious 

investigation, I discovered that this phenomenon has 

happened many times over Manito.

UFO Sighting in Manito, Illinois, United States on Dec. 3, 2007
Bright orange spheres over central illinois. Letting dog outside. When I saw an orange flash (Thought it was a burning star that exploded) but then all around came white flashing lights that stayed for about five minutes then disappeared. Around two minutes later in the same location the orange glow came back in that same area followed by another miles away, that's when they both lit up three across in succession then faded to nothing and then disappeared. Very large. More people had to have seen it, the blacktop was busy. It looked as though it were pretty close to Manito. Never have seen anything like it before, very strange. Enough to make me report it.


UFO SIGHTING IN MANITO, ILLINOIS UNITED STATES ON APRIL 25, 1998

Sighting duration:5 minutes

Sighting date:April 25, 1998

Report date: Unknown

UFO appearance: formation

Description:

3 circular shaped ufo's changing formation more than 4 times, three friends saw three lights(I was one). We saw only one for a brief moment. It them split into two shapes, obviously disc like. They then merged and then formed three discs. They merged for the last time and disappeared in a huge flash. More people saw this that were not with us.large shrieking sound was emitted.

UFO Sighting in Manito, Illinois, United States on May 6, 1998

Sighting duration:Unknown

Sighting date: May 6, 1998

Report date: Unknown

UFO appearance: triangle

Description:

2 unknown flying objects moving, far too complex for a plane. There is no area around where missle's would be launched same as above.

What do they want? Are they here to help us or harm 

us? Are they cute like E.T., or horrible insect-like 

creatures like the ones in "Starship Troopers?"

BUT why Manito?

Here are some sane and logical reasons:

1. The unmatched bar scene and night life! 

http://www.westernillinois.worldweb.com/ManitoIL/RestaurantsBars/

2.  They are collecting blacktop. A priceless item for the survival of their species!  

Do they eat it? I don't know! This is all here say!

                                                        Blacktop Blues


3. The "llinois' Roswell " happened in Manito, when an out of this world space craft crashed into the high school gym, and the "creatures" mated with the beautiful, young aliens from outerspace that survived the crash, to form a new hybrid race of "Manitobians" who have powers and abilities far beyond the average Illinoisian!

Click on the link to enjoy pretty pictures, and a busy-ness link to mysteriously quaint Manito!
http://www.villageofmanito.com/bus_dir.asp

                                Creepy Ambient Space Music