SURREAL   SATURDAYS

I'm starting another new feature called SURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYS::

sur·re·al

 [suh-ree-uhl]..having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal;fantastic.
I am abundantly more comfortable with the SURREAL   than with the, so-called, REAL.....

             

Hallucinatory    HallucinatoryHallucinatoryHallucinatory quality of A DREAM is what i dig!

DisOriented is my natural  STATE OF MOM!!!!

UnREAL AnD FanTasTIC are my middle names...Danny UNreal Fantastic MaDness!

Let's take the exciting, unreal, JOURNEY, to the center of my mom, I mean Mind, NOT MOM, MIND MIND MIND, and see what befalls us in my surreal LITTLE WORM, I mean world, YES, HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO Careless, I meant THAT MY MOM IS NOT my MIND, ha ha,that's utter NONSENSE!!!

The Beatles were the masters of the surreal! I know you know that, but it bears repeating! The beat-alls whirl da MUSTARDS Of THE SORE eel?

SURREAL SATURDAYS,
What makes them,
Mustard on sore eels,
 We bakesem?
HALLUCINATING DREAMS,
UNREAL, FANTastic,
CHEESY BurGER PIZZA
oR Gaz mic,
Dribbling off to sleeb,
Don't miss this,
Surreal saturday,
Don't kiss this off,
As just a dream,
Misplacing, beauty in your soul,
Embracing, surreal saturdays,
And finally feeling exactly as you did when you were 19, and reality was suspended for a few hours, while "visions of psychedelic sugar plums danced in your (euphoric) head," and you understood for the first time that  surrealality was way more real than reality!
BURMA SHAVE

FAN FRIDAYS

Fan Fridays is a new feature on my blog, where I discuss, ad nauseum,

Web definitions Ad nauseam is a Latin term used to describe an argument which has  been continuing "to [the point of] nausea". .... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_nauseum tthe singers, bands, comedians, historical figures, and just cool people I admire, in general. JONI MITCHELL Anyone that knows me well, would have already guessed Joni Mitchell would be first! In my opinion, the GREATEST, singer/songwriter that has ever existed, that has the sweetest, purest voice like an angel,  and most importantly, puts me way high up in that indescribable place that only ex-flower children, street performers, and gifted artists, like my friend, David Durham, could ever hope to understand! http://www.durhamimages.com/   Please do not skip this link! David is awesome!                            David(above) is also a family member! I'm getting off track already,  this is about Joni!  Somebody keep reminding me to stay on focus, please. How many of you do NOT agree  that Joni Mitchell is the most  wonderful musical artist of  the hippy generation?  Well, get a load of this, and see if you don't change your musically challenged mom! See!! I'll bet that blew your tussie clean off, huh? No? Are you deef?  Did you listen to the whole song? Are you high on something? Okay, that's the problem! You need to go get high on something, and listen to it! We'll wait. TA TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TA TIC TOC TIC TOC TICKEY TICKET TIC TA TIC TOC TIC TOC.... Are you done now??? FEEL BeTTeRRRRRR! Great greate grate.....  now listen to this and see what you think: Well, I know fer sure that music is  all subjective,  and I can't get you to love the stuff I love,  and I will NEVER love the hard rock crap  all of you probably listen to,  but it's all good, man! I can only feel sorry the puny  minded folks that have such a  limited brain and heart, they  cannot feel Joni's music way  down to their souls like all of  us enlightened ones, who  understand that her beautifulness,  that permeates every fiber of our  existances will forever be encapsulated  within our psykes in the warp drive of our imaginations, ad nauseum!!! Don't it always seem to go that you don't  know what you've got 'till it's gone?

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS

You may have already noticed how I'm using very subtle earth tones in my lettering today, because I'm beginning another new feature entitled, "Thoughtful Thursdays."

I'm sure you remember that mellow tune by the Moody Blues, don't you?

♫Thursday afternoon♪..I'm just beginning to see..♪♪

So relax, have a few beers, settle down, don't be so tense, light some vanilla scented candles, and partake of whatever other kind of recreational/medicinal  thingy you may have at your disposal, and zone out, zone out, zone out.....

Are you there yet?

I'll give you a few more minutes.

Times up!

"Thoughtful Thursdays"  will concentrate purely on sweet, feel good, comforting , soothing  things that will help you to be at peace with your own soul, and love baby animals even more than is normal.

I walked through a beautiful sunny glade during a torrential  downpour,  and the sparkling raindrops shimmered like the gorgeous tassels on that exotic dancer at Big Al's that one night, when the piano sounded like a carnival, and the microphone smelled like a beer, and they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say, Mam, what are you doin' here. Mam?

Try to remember the best, sunniest, beauteous day of your whole miserable life, and force yourself to believe that "day" could come again. Ha!

Try to dismiss those nasty wasty negative thoughts from your mind, like accidentally being impaled between two railroad cars, because you stupidly walked between them while they were coupling, but you are still alive, and can see your guts hanging out.

That is not cool, man. 

Have your thoughts meander to cute little kittens, baby wombats, butterflies, "Dancing With The Stars," not the T.V. show, imagine literally dancing with little five pointed stars in outer space, and feeling totally euphoric and trippy.

Would you do that for me, my child?

Just about every Thursday we need to give all the bitter, ugly, murderous, hateful ideas that have lodged in our brains, a good enema, and tuning in to "Thoughtful Thursday" will probably not help, but we can't give up hope completely!

Here is what I'd like you to remember:

You may be fat and ugly too,
Worse than a baboon in the zoo,
No money do you have for fun,
So to your head you point the gun, 
And if the trigger you do pull it,
You're safe, you can't afford a bullet!
BURMA SHAVE

WHAZZUP WEDNESDAY

I'm starting a new feature on my blog called "WHAZZUP WEDNESDAY" where I ask you questions, and you supply the answers.

Doesn't that sound like fun? You betcha it does!

READY?

Who was the ugliest member of the Beatles? 

                                                             THEY ALL WON'T BE THIS EASY!                                                                               

                                               Do not let this photo sway you in your personal decision!

In outer space, no one can hear you: 

1. Scream

2. Mime
3. Fart

How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit, if a sheet slitter could slit sheets? 

Say the afore mentioned tongue twister real fast without saying a nasty word, and you get 50 extra points!

Hottest First Lady:

1. Jackie

 Kennedy

Michelle

2.Michelle
Obama


3. Hillary Clinton

4. Elenor Roosevelt

Roosev

                                                      

What is a Wombacher?

1. An australian mammal.

2. A drink made from Vodka, Galliano, and orange juice.

3. An actor with a deep voice, who does a lot of voice- over work on "Family Guy."

4. The guy Richie Havens is still looking for, so he can beat the crap out of him.

How did Ryan Seacrest get that gravy job?

1. Talented

2. Handsome

3. Positive attitude

4. On his knees.

What is your favorite animal?

1. Doggie

2. Kitty

3. Llama

4. Chicken

5. John Belushi

What are all those knots on my head, and how the hell did they get there, hmmm?

What do you mean this sounds too much like Trivial Trivia , idiot edition?

Well, I never!! 

Maybe if I would have, I wouldn't be so tense.

Please let me take this time to apologize for the typos, like where it said "Roosev" and "3. RT," and stuff like that. I was too lazy to do it over. This was easier!

WHO NAMED DAT CHURCH,BROTHER?

For a brief portion of my life I made frequent trips to the south side of Chicago for reasons that must remain closely guarded until I assume room temperature.

It didn't take long to notice that the churches seemed to be trying to outdo each other. 

I got the impression they believed the longest, most complicated name equaled the best church.

Before I got the the south side, while driving through the beautiful suburbs of Chicago, the churches had normal names (not Normal Illinois)like The Church Of God, 1st Baptist, 2nd Baptist(why would anyone want to go to 2nd Baptist,or even worse,3rd Baptist, isn't that like 2nd and 3rd place?),Saint Paul Church, Saint John Church; simple names, like Melvin,

Yes, this is a real church!

However, as I entered the south side, it was a whole nuther story! 

At first, it was not too bad;

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST

but the next would be

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY ANGELS

And then

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY ANGELS UPON MOUNT ZION

Not actual picture of the south side church.

And then

THE CHURCH OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY ANGELS UPON MOUNT ZION TABERNACLE

Not actual photo of south side Chicago church.

And then they changed a up a bit 

THE TRINITY CHURCH OF THE SEPULCHER AND APOSTLES IN HEAVEN WITH JAZZ MUSIC NIGHTLY,  OPEN BAR, AND NO COVER CHARGE IN DIVINE WORSHIP TO THE MIGHTY SOVEREIGN OF THE UNIVERSE

CHURCH OF THE SEPULCHER?

Well, the church down the block wouldn't be outdone

THE AWESOME POWERFUL GOD IN CHRIST  SANCTUARY OF ABRAHAM, MOSES, AND THE PROPHETS OF OLD CHURCH OF HOLINESS,PEACE AND EXOTIC DANCING TO A BIG BAND BEAT WITH FREE PARKING ON HIGH,IN OUR FIVE STORY PARKING DECK, WITH COUPONS FOR HALF PRICE ON A DELUXE CAR WASH AND IN CHAPEL WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS AVAILABLE 24/7 RIGHTEOUS CATHEDRAL MEMORIAL TEMPLE

I guess no one could beat that, huh?

WRONGO, BIBLE BRAIN!!!

THE FAR OUT GROOVY HIPPY UNIVERSALIST UNITARIAN MOSQUE/TEMPLE/CHURCH OF FREE WILL AND ANYTHING GOES IF IT FEELS GOOD MONASTERY OF ALLAH/JESUS/BUDDAH/ALFRED E. NEWMAN,OF PINK FLOYDIAN  EXTRATERRESTRIAL ORIGINS WHICH INCLUDES GLORIOUS MUSHROOMS AND WACKY TUBAKKI TRANCENDENTAL MEDITATION OF THE THIRD KIND WHERE DRINKS ARE ALWAYS SERVED AT THE STEEPLE LOUNGE AFTER MIDNIGHT AND PYRO-TECHNICAL DISPLAYS ARE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED AT OUR DISCRETION, LORD ALMIGHTY!!

I may have exaggerated a wee bit, but not much!