A Very Late Blog Due To Icy Conditions

 I'm running a bit late with my blog today, but that's okay, because I'm not on any time schedule that I know of.  (I know it's not formal to end a sentence with "of," but no one ever accused me of being formal)

The ice is so bad and so slippery today, as ice tends to be, and I've been out battling the frozen water for an inordinate portion of the day. 

I'm not one to make excuses, although I definitely WILL make excuses when absolutely necessary, like when I'm considerably late for my world renown blog. 

On the other hand, a lot of my blog readers (maybe you) would not think this is late at all! It's about 7:22 PM and I'm thinking about going to bed already, and you may think that is CRAZY!

I know that many of you stay up way past 9:00 PM, you night owls, but I am kinda old and prefer an earlier bedtime.

Okay! Who said, "KINDA old" in a sarcastic way? For your information, someone recently told me that I don't look 68, going on 69.

That made me feel great until I thought about what they could have meant. They might have been saying, "you don't look 68, going on 69, you look 78 going on 79!"

Of course, my low self esteem will sometimes make me think negative thoughts about myself, until my delusions of grandeur and superiority kick in. 

I thought we were discussing ice. 

Did you ever need to go to the store to get salt to put on your driveway and sidewalks and said, "I need to get some ICE." Come on! I know you've done it!

So, our driveway is sloped, and I'm out there trying to keep my balance, without sliding down into the swift moving traffic on our street, where the cars would not be able to stop because of the slick ice!

Not that many years ago, I did not mind falling down, too much, except for the embarrassment of slipping on the ice and looking stupid, but NOW, at 68, going on 69 years old, I'm afraid of breaking a HIP! 

All my life I've heard stories of old folks who slipped on the ice, broke a hip, and then died! I never knew why breaking a hip caused death, but I'm not taking any chances! No siree bob!

Please don't tell me, in the comments section, how breaking a hip can cause death, because I'm paranoid enough, already!

Let me end with two pertinent points, if I may. 

One...It is NOT always true about "better late than never," as you can see from this blog today. 

Two...Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

The Story Of The Donkeys And Elephants ... a poem by me.

I think it's quite strange that our rich politicians,
Can't decide on one thing, under any conditions!

The donkeys and elephants can't get along,
They say that each other are totally wrong!

The elephants call for a "big border wall,"
While the donkeys all say "there is no need at all!"

The donkeys support legal marriage for gays,
While the elephants long for the grand, good old days.

The voting in congress is straight party line,
And "crossing the aisle" makes you lower than slime! 

The elephants love their guy Trump with a fever,
"He's Lumpy," Dems say, "from Leave It To Beaver!"

The donkeys blame Trump for Russian collusion,
The elephants tell us, "it's just an illusion."

Trump's stacking the courts with bad men, donkeys say,
While the elephants trumpet, hip, hip, hooray! 

Jumbos wear MAGA hats as they cheer Trump on stage, 
But the sight of those hats fills the donkeys with rage! 

Donkeys are stubborn and elephants slow,
Will their bickering cease, well heck, I don't know,
Will peace ever happen or the going get tougher?
Congress votes their own pay raise,
 and the rest of us suffer!!!

Is Your Dog Cryin' All The Time?

It's probably the coldest day of  winter, so far, in central Illinois, U.S.A. I'm not even gonna tell ya how cold it is, because I don't want anyone to feel bad, or think I'm complaining on this bitterly frigid Monday morn. Brrrrr!!

My blog is designed and crafted to be uplifting, joyful and so strange that it takes your collective minds off of the worries and cares of the day.

Our dog does not understand the concept of below zero wind chills, so he is CONSTANTLY begging us to take him on his customary walks . We try to give him a brief encounter with the frozen elephants 
elements outside the back door, but he will either not go out the door, or go down the back steps, turn around, and come right back inside. 

When we think he gets the point and realizes he needs to go potty on his potty pads, strategically placed inside the house, he begins to bug us again about going for a walk in arctic conditions! 

Now, this bugging starts about 5 minutes after we've shown him how unbearably cold it is outside! 

It's almost like he thinks WE can change the weather for him, or that the weather changes every 5 minutes, from Antarctica to Aruba in 5 minutes!

I guess I could try to drag him out for a little bitty walk, but I KNOW what would happen.

Even if we were only out for 30 seconds, someone would take of video of me dragging Chevy (my dog) out across the frozen tundra, and P.E.T.A., the A.S.P.C.A., my immediate family, my church family, the local T.V. news, all of my neighbors and Simon Cowell...ESPECIALLY...Simon Cowell would be on me like a drill sergeant on a new recruit! 

Another pathetic kind of thing is how the ice and snow freeze his poor little feet paws after a few seconds, and he will lift one paw, then put it down to lift another paw, and so forth until I pick him up and take him back inside the warm, cozy house. 

"Why not, doggie booties?" Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! You asked a very funny question! "Why not doggie booties?" Hee, hee, har, har, har!!!

I don't know about your dog, but CHEVY makes "minced meat" out of doggie booties! He rips them to tiny little pieces with his little sharp teeth, as if they were tissue paper! Yes, even the tough leather doggie booties! 

Anyway, all the prevailing dog protection folks would still kill us (figuratively speaking) for taking Chevy out into the "white death" of winter, at sub zero temps, even for a few nano seconds! 

Fortunately, "THEY" are predicting decent temps for tomorrow, and Chevy can take his customary walks, every 2 hours, as usual. What a happy pup he'll be!

As for now, we will have to put up with his cryin' all the time...

A Few Tips On Living Forever, Or Even Longer!

Body and mind need to be at peak condition to endure the slings and arrows that life slings and shoots at us, relentlessly, in 10,000 little ways on every single little day! 







It is imperative (of vital importance, crucial) that we partake of the healthiest fruits and veggies, exercise, and fill our beleaguered (under pressure) brains with an abundance of knowledge (that may lead to wisdom) to withstand the onslaughts of the evil hordes that plot against us while we are not looking. 

Mongul hordes

Paranoid, I am not. Who said I was paranoid? I'm not paranoid at all! I'm only trying to say that we need to shield ourselves from the dark, depressing, debilitating disasters that will definitely destroy our delightful dispositions. 

Kale is something that mankind/womankind absolutely needs to strengthen the core fibers of our being, to fight off the ravaging super-diseases that are, at this very minute, permeating the cerebral cortex of our brains with flesh eating bacteria.

Too bad that kale tastes all dry, bitter and tough, and makes us choke like a dog on a chicken bone.

 Our delicate, fragile minds are constantly bombarded with incessant political poison, nastiness, violence, hatred, and hypocrisy that spews out from our television set, smart phone, computer, radio, View Master, and Victrola.

We can stop this mass brainwashing from those malicious hordes of devices by turning them off and reading the classic literature of America.

For example...

1. Mad Magazine

2. Peanuts

3. The Far Side books

4. Chickens Butts And Coconuts by me.

5. Hitchin'...God's Way Of Letting You Know You Don't Have A Car by me.

6. Bloggadocious 222 by me.

7. Dr. Seuss books

8. Calvin And Hobbes 

9. Erma Bombeck books.

10. Little Golden books.

After reading all of this wonderful literature, your corrupted little minds will become pure and fresh as the driven snow on a pristine mountain top in the Rockies, where they make Coors beer! 

Exercise may be the most important thing we need to do to reverse the curse of aging.

According to the commercials, and my calculations, a combination of regeneration creams, multi vitamins, Ageless Male products, bottled water from secret Rocky Mountain springs (probably tap water), Texas Super Food, jellyfish gel for the brain, Bowflex machines and yogurt will keep us from growing old and dying!

At least, that's the way I understand it, which doesn't really matter, because I ain't doin' any of that stuff, anyway!

Don't let my cavalier attitude dissuade you from taking care of yourselves, folks. I just have my own way of living forever.