See Ya On The Silver Screen!

I trust you all remember I passed my preliminary audition for being in a movie that will (hopefully) be filmed here in the Peoria area this summer. It was all done on video. 

Unfortunately, they cancelled the in person auditions (due to the nasty virus), that were scheduled for April 25th, and now want me to send in ANOTHER audition video of me doing my lines from the movie, that they may or may not be filming this summer.

It's frustrating, but I'm gonna do it. I'll give them one last chance to have me appear in their production of "Say It In German," portraying an executive at (get this) WMBD radio back in the 40's. 

Kinda ironic, ain't it? Here, I do songs and comedy stuff for WMBD radio's Greg and Dan Show in 2020, and the movie folks randomly choose me to play a WMBD person from the WWII era! 

Go figure! 

Okay! They haven't COMPLETELY chosen me yet, but it's just a matter of time, he said overconfidently. Ha hee!

Anyway...tell me to break a leg, or the show must go on, or skip the light fandango, or SOMETHING! 

See ya on the silver screen...or, um, see ME on the silver screen...or...whatever!

Social Distancing 

Ain't Just A Walk In The Park!

In normal times, I walk Chevy to the park, and around the park, about 5 times a day.

Just like this little girl is doing.

It's super EASY! Hook him up, walk 3 blocks to the park...walk him AROUND the park...while allowing kids and other folks to pet Chevy, and walk 3 blocks back home. Easy peasy!! 

It ain't so easy now!

Trying to keep our "social distancing" in operation as we make our way through the "social distancing deniers" is a real struggle!! 

I'll list some of the obstacles we are facing every day in the midst of the coronavirus shut down....

1. Dumb neighbors gathered in groups on the sidewalk where Chevy and I need to walk!! Come on! I know it must anger my social distance denier neighbors, but Chevy and me go over to the other side of the street, while singing ♪social distancing...social distancing♪♪

2. Asymptomatic (showing no signs of disease) kids running up to pet Chevy, in spite of the fact a tiger was just diagnosed of having COVID-19,  just recently! Don't get my dog sick!!! 

 I've had to treat the kids like W.C. Fields! "Go away kid, you bother me!"

It is kinda disconcerting when other dog walkers, who are walking right toward us, do not cross over to the other side to avoid social contact with me and Chevy! It's OUR sidewalk! Why should we be the ones who cross over? However, WE are the ones who cross over 99% of the time! 

Don't they know they could contaminate us?!! Oh, well. I guess we have to be the cautious ones. 

I'm starting to actually enjoy our walks, in a different way. Kind of like embarking on a dangerous mission, as Jason Bourne or Lara Croft would, uh, embark on!

Anyway! Stay distant!

 Crazy Coronavirus Conspiracies!

The conspiracy theorists are running rampant in the shadow of the coronavirus pandemic!

Having a deadly pandemic is not scary enough for them. They need to add more layers of fear to heighten to panic level!

Here are a few COVID-19 conspiracy theories for your perusing...

1. There is a civilization ending asteroid heading for earth, so THEY are faking the coronavirus epidemic to keep everybody inside, where we can't see it coming...to prevent total chaos! 

1. The world leaders have been contacted by outer space aliens, who are planning to land 100,000 of their landing pods on Independence Day, 2020. So, the world leaders are trying to reduce "total chaos," by keeping the vast majority of us inside, by way of the COVID-19 scare, so we don't witness the frightening, hysterical  historical event!

3. The abused animals of this planet (namely, BATS) have finally evolved enough to seek revenge on the cruel human race, and have bio-techno-illogically released this nasty virus, via bat flatulence, to eliminate the entire population of the whole dang world!

4. Toilet paper companies engineered the virus for reasons we know all too well!! 

TP Company CEO

5. The commies, in an attempt to destroy religion, developed the coronavirus to stop folks from worshiping! 

That ain't gonna work!

What COVID-19 conspiracies have YOU heard about! 

What conspiracies can you make up, to add to the list? 

That Post Apocalyptic Feeling

How many of you feel like you're living in a post apocalyptic movie, like I do?

Apart from the zombies, the total shutdown of electricity, no clean water, fighting for the last crumbs of food, and absolute anarchy, it's exactly the same as one of those movies!

The streets are eerily empty of pedestrians and cars, it is eerily quiet, our neighbors are eerily shut in, and opening their blinds, just a crack, to eerily peer out at us as we walk our eerie little dogs. 

It's just EERIE!

Not that I don't completely understand the reasons for quarantining and social distancing, but I feel like I'm in a bad, post apocalyptic flick from circa 1996.

Just the fact that we are keeping our distance from friends and relatives reminds me of that one creepy movie when everybody was getting rabies, and the non-rabied folks had to avoid the rabied folks, not to get infected.

I think it was this movie from 1970...about the time I saw it.

I recommend you NOT watch the trailer, above! Really GROSS!

So, if YOU feel like you're in a post apocalyptic movie, don't share it with anyone! They may think you're crazy and not taking the COVID-19 epidemic seriously. 

Everyone already KNOWS I'm nuts, so my credibility is shot from the get go!!

Stay safe, distant, cover your coughs and sneezers, and don't lose your ability to laugh!

Out Of This World Wednesday...

The Force Revealed!

Glamor shot of Krug the Kruddy

Krug the Kruddy (AKA Destroyer Of Galaxies) is fuming over the fact that our Glirkazoid pals, Gary and Rosie, are mocking him with a song about kicking his butt, as seen on his highly technical "viewmaster apparatus."

A reasonable facsimile of Krug's high tech "viewmaster apparatus" thingy.

And what REALLY frosts his punkin' is the fact that they sang it to the tune of the Flintstone's theme song! The Hitlerstalinmussolinians (the alien terrorist group that Krug created) HATE the Flintstone's theme song, with a deep hatred that abides within their dark, filthy souls! 

Why? I don't know! I think it has to do with the frenetic beat.

Therefore, Krug is sending one of the most powerful "forces" in the realms of evil, to stop the Silver Sausage spazeship from reaching him in his secret lair!!

Krug's super secret, secret lair!

The spazeship devouring Ramadragon!

Rosie - "Gary? Do you think that horrible old Krug REALLY has a spazeship devouring Ramadragon?" 

Gary - "Highly unlikely, my dear Rosie! Number one, how could a creature bigger than the Emperor's State Building fly through zillions of light years of unoxygenated spaze and survive?"

"Number two, no one has ever ACTUALLY seen this so-called Ramadragon! Not even any selfies have surfaced!"

"Three, how could ANY flesh and blood Ramadragon digest a metal spazeship, like the Silver Sausage? It would be out of the question, grasshopper!"

The totally metal Silver Sausage spazeship.

Rosie - "Unless...this Ramadragon is one of the rare "air makers" that have the ability to create oxygen from nanu spaze particles, and has eaten every life form that has attempted to take it's picture and hates selfies, and has the sulfuric tummy acid of a Metalottomus that thrives on metal for it's sustenance!"

Gary - "Shut up, Rosie!"

Far, far away, the voracious Ramadragon emerges from Krug's lair. and begins his long, long trip across the universe, whilst composing this song in his big blue head...

Sung roughly to the tune of "I'ts A Great Big Brownie Smile" song...

Ramadragon - 
 ♪I'm flying 'cross the universe,
♪It's such a long, long trip,
To eat the Silver Sausage,
It's a legendary ship.♪♪

♪♪This is nothing new to me,
'Cause I've eaten quite a few,
And every time I ate a ship,
I also ate the crew!♪

♪Oh, rama-lama, Ramadragon,
Folks fear me far and wide,
Oh, rama-lama, Ramadragon,
There's no place they can hide!♪♪

This is getting SERIOUS, my beloved readers!

Our unsuspecting heroes are not expecting the gynormous Ramadragon to unexpectedly appear and make a snack of their comparatively small spazeship!

Let's compare the Silver Sausage spazeship to a normal sized spazeship in the Galactic Spaze Force, shall we?

Silver Sausage

Normal sized spazeship

A snack INDEED!

Please mark next Wednesday on your schedule to satisfy your insatiable appetite for OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!! 

Ancient Astronaut Theorists Say Yes!

I Say No!!

I enjoy watching the Ancient Aliens TV series. Not because I believe any of it, but I love the dramatic way they present the bizarre information.

For instance..."Is this rock actually a piece of a civilization that blew up on Mars, and thrown  into earth's atmosphere, where it landed here in the Mojave desert a billion years ago?" (Now here is their favorite line) "Ancient Astronaut theorists say YES!"

Or is it Ancient Alien theorists? No matter. What are the prerequisites for being an Ancient Astronaut/Alien Theorist? Couldn't ANYBODY be one? 

It's like saying, "my Uncle Hibby says yes to the Roswell incident!" Who's Uncle Hibby? Why is HE qualified to lecture us on UFO stuff? 

Well, he's not! He's no more qualified than the mysterious Ancient Astronaut theorists they quote on TV! You know, the ones who say YES!

The other night the Ancient Astronaut/Alien theorists said yes to the idea that (get this) octopuses are actually alien creatures from another world, because they are not connected to any evolutionary chain. 

They said yes to the theory that the octopuses flew here on a meteor that landed in an ocean, and now live among the lower fishes. They REALLY said this!

Okay! Maybe the fact that octopi do not connect to the evolutionary chain is because God created them! 

According to Merriam-Webster, both octopuses and octopi are acceptable plurals

Ancient Astronaut theorists also say yes to the theory that the pyramids, Stonehenge, Machu Picchu, and just about all of the cool constructions of the ancient past were beaming out signals to extraterrestrials without electricity or nothin'! 

In conclusion, I'm not completely dismissing the far fetched theories of Ancient Alien/Astronaut theorists, because ANYTHANG is possible!

However, just because an uncertified AAT says YES to weird stuff, doesn't make it true!