Maintain Mild Mellow Mood

It will do us good to listen to this song whilst reading blog.

More than a handful of my own family and friends are getting mighty upset over the dysfunctional society we find ourselves immersed in today.

Does getting freaked out over stuff help anything? Absolutely not, brothers and sisters.

When I'm totally discombobulated about something, I don't think clearly and make dumb decisions. 

On the udder hand, when I'm feelin' cool, mild and mellow, I still make dumb decisions, but not as dumb as when I'm irritated or angry.

Image of udder hand. 

Here's my ode to mellowness...

Be a happy gal or fellow, be mellow,

Let your heart be soft as jello...be mellow,

Don't let Trump or Nan Pelosi,

Make you into Bela Lugosi, 

Make your words sweet like a cello,

Be mellow.

Okay folks, I'm not saying that Bela Lugosi was ACTUALLY evil, but he played the evil Dracula so convincingly we THINK he was really evil. At least, I do. 

So, if you're reading this...and I know you are...mellow out!

It will help your heart, physically and spiritually. It will make folks like you more. It will clear up your complexion. Prolong your life and relax your tight muscles. 

Of course, if you are already mellow, like the abundance of my readers, you know of which I speak.

This could be YOU! 

If you're a beautiful woman who has a private bridge in a tropical garden , state of the art headphones, and can afford Yoga classes.

You may click off the Olivia Newton John song now, if it hasn't already stopped. Thanks! 

 

My State Of The Onion Address

My fellow Americans. A lot of folks think onions are gross and taste really nasty. However, the sweet Vidalia onions are not hot and harsh at all. Especially when they are sautéed in butter!

At the Maness household we eat onions every day, at every meal. 

Why? 

The answer may be a bit mysterious and confusing to the vast minority of individuals.

Would you like to know the answer, even though you may not comprehend the deep meaning?

No?

Okay. I don't blame you. With America going into such a death spiral at this point in tom (1/14/2021), the reason we eat onions is so miniscule in comparison. 

On the other hand, if I've discovered that onions are the secret to long life and happiness, you'd be more interested! Right? Am I right?

Unfortunately, I've NOT discovered any "fountain of youth" benefits in onions, whatsoever. 

Um. Let's see. I forgot my point. 

Speaking of onions, the onion peels are so incredibly messy! I try to keep them from going all over the kitchen counter and floor, but to no avail!

In addition, if they are even slightly wet you cannot remove them from your fingers without MAXIMUM effort!!

Paul McCartney taught me how to mince onions in a video, where he tells us he learned this from his wife, Linda. Check it out at about 2:36 ↓

I hope you checked it out, because it's so cool to see an iconic figure like Sir Paul McCartney humbly peeling and mincing an onion! 

Okay, I guess I've kept you in suspense long enough. The real reason I eat onions every day is because aliens from another dimension recommended it.

 I don't know why they suggested onions, but who's gonna argue with giant lizard creatures? 

Just kidding! We just like onions and I thought the "state of the onion" was a good play on worms! 

Out Of This World Wednesday 

Planet Z70 Is In Trouble

Supreme High Commander - "Your next suicide mission will be to beam yourselves over to planet Z70, in the Ogletharp system, and stop all of the nasty littering that's so unsightly to the eyes!"

Gary - "Sorry...I don't think I heard you correctly, Supreme High Commander. Did you say you wanted us to stop the littering on Z70?"

SHC - "Correctomundo, brother! Is there a probleemo?"

Gary - "Two things. Why would you send your greatest Glirkazoid gladiators on a simple mission like that, and how is this a suicide mission, hmmm?"

Rosie - (whispering)"Shut up, Gary! You know that it's against regulations to question the orders of the SHC!"

SHC - "Did you know it's against regulations to question the orders of the Supreme High Commander?"

Gary - "Uh, no...um, no one ever told me, Commander."

Rosie - (whispering to Gary again) "You big fat liar!"

SHC - "Well, it's true, but I'll explain this anyway. Hopefully in a way that even you will understand!

Gary - "Bless you, oh, great leader!"

SHC - "Are you kissing up, soldier?"

Rosie - (thinking to herself) "Yes, he's kissing up, again."

SHC - "The Zoobilites on Z70 are extremely lazy creatures who NEVER pick up anything they throw away. This means that Z70 will soon be so covered in filthy trash that the litterbugs will not have any room to move around, plant their crops, fetch water, procreate or nuttin' honey!"

Rosie - "Okay, we get how serious this problem is, but how is it a suicide mission, Commander?"

Gary - "Yeah! How is it a suicide mission, Commander? Tell us that, tell us that!!"

SHC - "Gary? Are you ON something today? You're acting a bit frenetic, son."

fre·net·ic

/frəˈnedik/

Learn to pronounce

adjective

1. fast and energetic in a rather wild and uncontrolled way.

   "a frenetic pace of activity"
2. 
   

Rosie - "Just ignore him, Supreme. He's like this ALL the time, unfortunately."

SHC - "Poor girl. Now where was I? Oh, yes, the reason it's a suicde mission is because the Zoobilites are a very proud race who will emulsificate you if you touch their trash, because they feel your exposing their biggest flaw."

Well, well, well! Will Gary and Rosie be able to stop the Zoobilites from destroying their own planet without themselves being destroyed?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Sure you would!

Then join us for the next...

Mindin' My Own Beeswax!

So's I'm mindin' my own beeswax, watchin' the "boob tube" about all the stuff in the wurl that's really crappy, and I thinks to meself, why am I watchin' this horse hockey, when I could be listenin' to some swell music from the 40's, wit a cold brewski in my paw? 

Do I really cares about the re-election in Georgia? NO! Boat sides are crooks!

I've looked at love from "boat sides" now...

Can I take any more corolla virus news? Abstatutely NOT! 

Car suffering from corolla virus

Just slip me some over ripe bananas, a few Oreo cookies, ANOTHER beer, and the classic, Jim Thorpe All American movie, and I'll be in Nirvana until morning, when all this baloney is over! At least the re-election part. 

Do I sound bitter? Fed up? Disenfranchised? A little mind altered? 

Ha! Wait 'till I have my mug suds! You won't know what hit ya, brothers and sisters! 

On the other hand, I'll not be writing my blog then, so how will you know what state of mom I'll be in at that tom? 

Have a fun night, in spite of me and politics, and any physical conformities you may suffer. 

Greg And Dan Are Back...At Long Lack!!

Link to Greg and Dan Show...below↓
https://www.1470wmbd.com/the-greg-dan-show/

When a body is used to waking up to a brilliantly conceived, hilarious, thought provoking, informative radio show, and it's not there, you go kinda nuts! (Well, I go kinda nuts) 

Sure, the Greg and Dan Show still aired during the holiday vacation, with Mark Alghini and Joe Greenwood filling in, admirably, but when you're used to the special, subtle, wacky nuances that only Greg and Dan can deliver, you kinda go crazy when it's GONE! (Well, I kinda go crazy when it's gone)

I can only compare Greg and Dan to a comfortable pair of slippers, or that first coff of cuppy in the morn, the dog climbing into your lap for cuddles, you know, all the little things that are familiar and bring warmth and comfort every day.

Think about it. What if you woke up and there was no coff of cuppy, or your slippers were missing, so you had to walk barefoot on the cold kitchen tile, and the dog ignored you? 

THAT is exactly how it feels when Greg and Dan are away! (At least, to me)

So, a big fat welcome back to Greg and Dan! We love you guys!! 

Don't Miss "Peggy's" Triumphant Return To The Greg And Dan Show!! 

Mark this on your Greg-gorian calendar!!  

Tomorrow...Dec. 23...7:25 am...The lovable lush of Latvia, Peggy, will return to the iconic Greg and Dan Radio Extravaganza for his traditional Christmas and Gork on Donny Days wishes! 

Here is the precious link to the amazing Greg and Dan Show...⬇

https://www.1470wmbd.com/2020/03/05/greg-dan-live-in-st-louis/

It's snot Christmas until you hear Peggy's annual Christmas/Gork on Donny Days message of good will and peace!

Okay, I know that's early for some of you, but lest we forget, that's LATE for all of us who rise at 5:15 am for no apparent reason! 

You all can thank me later for the impotent reminder!!!

Merry Christmas, and happy Gork on Donny Days!!!! 

FOLEPI Wins It Big!!

So there I was, mindin' my own beeswax, watching the Heavyweight Division Of The Great Christmas Light Fight, when, all of a sudden, I see the East Peoria Festival Of Lights Parade, as a contestant!! 

 Do I need to tell you how exciting it was to have the town down the road from us be celebrated on one of my FAVORITE shows of the Christmas season?!! 

 No? Why not? 

You saw it too, and were excited too?!

Then why am I writing this?

Anyway, the other contestants were very good! For a moment I thought EPFOL would lose to the Storybook one, or Luminaria one,  or Jewish one, but they picked good ole EPFOL!! 

C'mon how do you top THIS?!!

By the way, FOLEPI stands for Festival Of Lights East Peoria Illinois, if you're not from around here, or just ignorant of what the acronym stands for. 

Folepi is also the dude pictured below↓

The one big disappointment was that Carter came to be the judge, instead of Taniya. She is MUCH cuter! Not according to my wife, but whatever. 

You guys judge them for your own selves, and leave your comments below.

That's all I have to say about it, because I'm sure 99.9% of you watched it last night and were as super pumped as Donna and me!! 

That's if you live in Central Illinois, if not, you're thinking, whatever!!!

Out Of This World Wednesday Supreme High Command, Speaks!

Supreme Master

Rosie - "Okay, I reckon we have everything we'll need for our next mission, when the Supreme High Command, uh, commands it."

Gary - "Yer durn tootin', Rosie Posey, but why are we talking like earth cowboys?"

Rosie - "Because we can, pard, because we can."

At that precise moment, the Supreme Master of the Supreme High Command starts blaring from the speakers on the nearby Silver Sausage spazeship!

Supreme Master - "My faithful Glirkazoid guardians of the galaxies, lend me your ears!! I'll give them back in a few parsecas! Get it? Ha ha! A little Supreme Master levity for ya, right?"

Gary whispers to Rosie, "so funny I forgot to laugh."

Supreme Master - "I sense you made a wisecrack, Gary, but I'll excuse you, because I'm sending you on a certain death mission again, so...whatever."

Rosie - "We're ALWAYS being sent on certain death missions, but I sense this one is more certain death than all the others."

Supreme Master - "The SENSE is strong with you, Rosie! Yes! This mission is super duper, seriously nasty, almost guaranteed CERTAIN DEATH!!"

Gary - "Cool! That's just the way we like 'em, S.M.!!"

Supreme Master - "I know! That's the way the biogenetical, astro-scientists designed the both of you."

Rosie - "Wha?!! We were designed with certain death wishes?!"

Supreme Master - "SURE! Ain't it GREAT! You two are willing to risk your lives, facing certain death, with no apprehension whatsoever, whilst 99.9 % of the Glirkazoid population can relax in the knowledge you will "bite the bullet" on their behalf!" 

Gary and Rosie - "No apprehension, whatsoever?!!"

Gary - "I sense we've been used, for centuries, to do the dirty work that y'all are afraid to do, whilst YOU stay safe and sound in your extravagant abodes!" 

Supreme Master - "That's about it, boys and girls."

Rosie and Gary - "That makes sense, Supreme Master."

That makes sense, Supreme Master?! 

Gary and Rosie are so programmed to go on these suicide missions, they don't even realize what they're saying!

It's all good, though, because we could not enjoy Out Of This World Wednesday without the exciting, death defying adventures of Rosie and Gary!

 So join the party for Out Of This World Wednesday next time, and maybe we'll find out what the next certain death mission will be.