OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAYS

For 2013 years now, since the Glirkazoids crash landed on this planet we like to call earth, they have been working their little pharters off to help us develop a higher level of technology, peace, love, happiness, contentment, and good stuff like that!

It goes without saying that we earthlings have taken the technology part and ran with it!

As for the peace/love stuff, we have failed them miserably!

The Glirkazoids landed at the same time as Jesus,

They wanted to help us,

They tried hard to please us.

They taught us great things ,

That were simply terrific,

Amazing cool wonders,

But let's be specific.

Bicycles, banjos, and sweet bubble gum,

That's what they created ,

So we could have fun!

Candy canes, crayons, and small wind up toys,

Barbies for girls,

And baseballs for boys.

(They were gender specific)

They thought, if they could,

Make all earth folk happy,

To thus end their wars,

Which make life really crappy.

They gave us computers, and one Smother's brother,

It was Tommy who taught us,

To laugh at each other.

They guided our most favorite people of peace,

Like Gandhi, and King, and Mother Terese...a.

But we did not learn from all of their wisdom,

That's why they will bring a great cataclysm!

Not sudden destruction and fire from above,

No, the Glirkazoids bring us a shower of love.

Even though we are stubborn and always rebel,

They don't want us to suffer like we were in hell.

They bring us pure joy, 

And want no more pouting,

They want no more fighting,

They want no more shouting.

You might think it's strange,

And maybe quite odd,

But don't they remind you,

Of someone named God?!

BURMA SHAVE

TRAVELIN' TUESDAYS

Keep on truckin' baby,

With the feet God gave me,

Or in a car, I can traverse far,

To California, maybe.

I ain't takin' no plane,

The process drives me insane,

Gettin' felt up by a dude with no brain,

I'd rather take a choo-choo train.

Let me explain,

On a train, ya got no hassles,

Watch the cows go by,

And eat White Castles,

Wear what you want,

Even dat hat from Spain with the tassels!

Read 99 Beers Off The Wall,

By Marty Wombacher, the best of all,

Take my worm for it,

I don't lie,

Read dat book, and you'll laugh 'till you cry.

How ya gonna read it whilst drivin'?

Try dat gig, and you'll be dead on arrivin'!

There are so many ways to travel,

Here's the list dat we'll start to unravel:

A donkey cart,

But dats not too smart,

It gets real bad,

When he starts to fart.

A bicycle is handy,

You might think it's fine and dandy,

But it won't make your girlfriend "randy."

It's a "vette" dat gives your girl incentive,

To kiss your face and be inventive!

If you really want a trip,

Just jump on to my rocket ship,

10, 9, 8, and 7,

The blast off takes you up to heaven!

I left the best for last...intentional,

The coolest trips are inter-dimentional,

Through a worm hole,

Out the other side,

Hang on to your "tussie",

You're in for a ride!

But watch out for the "worm",

As you travel through time,

If you hit him you'll get a substantial fine.

If convicted in court,

Before the judge drops his gavel,

Just tell him this story,

About the "worm" and time travel,

I guarantee this,

Cause it happened to me,

He'll let you off,

Due to insanity!

BURMA SHAVE

MEMORIAL DAY 2013

I am not a slave to any foreign power,

Because of you,

I will never be forced to cower,

Because of you,

I am free to speak my mind,

Because of you,

Pray at whatever church I find,

Because of you,

Raise my children in my way,

Because of you,

Raise the flag on every day,

Because of you,

Feel safe at night,

Because of you,

Shine my patriotic light,

Because of you,

You gave your lives to keep us free,

You died for Life and Liberty,

For people that you never knew,

Today we show our love for you,

Today we give our thanks to you,

Today we give our hearts to you,

We take a deep breath of air in a free America, 

bow our heads, and thank God for you!

ST. LOUIS SUNDAY

ST. Louis Sportsman's Park 1926

Baseball is the biggest religion,

That's the fact, Jack, and true,

There is always, ALWAYS somethin' to do,

In St. Louis the town of my birth,

No! Who said I was from Perth?

Australia is 10,000 miles away from the housing projects where I used to play,

On the south side of that beer town,

where the sky was often brown, back then,

from the smokestacks of all the dirty factories, when working hard was not a sin.

We went to the Highlands, and the zoo.

On a sunny day, and then the special, magical Veiled Prophet Parade, 

That was dark and majestic, and I didn't really understand what it meant, 

With the princesses, and the man in the veil.

The enormous Clydesdales, mane and tail.

Dad played baseball in the Muny League,

Back when he was young and strong,

With his blazing speed,

Then he would take me to the bar,

With his baseball cronies,

Real honest guys, no phonies.

They would buy me anything I desired,

A coke, beer nuts, could all be acquired,

From hardened men who had gone to war, In WW2 , but I had no clue who they were,

And how they kept us free,

At 8 years old it was all about me.

People would just stop by back then,

No phone calls ahead of time,

The houses were free from dirt and grime,

So they could drop in anytime.

Mondays the women hung out their clothes,

So they could compare white to white,

And they would seldom shout or fight,

Because it was all white as the whitest snow,

Anywhere you cared to go.

We made up games with sticks and cans,

And listened to the radio about Stan the Man,

And take our broom handle and make a swat,

Just like him in the vacant lot,

In St. louis, in the summer.....so awful hot!!

NEWS FLASH

I'm changing Surreal Saturdays to...

 Saturday Morning Post!!

Why?

Because I can!!

SATURDAY MORNING POST!!

KITTENS INDICTED IN MILK HEIST

TINY MITTENS FOUND AT SCENE OF CRIME

 PRIME MINISTER H. DUMPTY HAS GREAT FALL HORSES PERFORM UNSUCCESSFUL SURGERY

WARRANT OUT FOR HANSEL AND GRETEL

 FOR EATING POOR OLD WOMAN'S HOME 

SUSPECTS HAVE DISAPPEARED

M. MUFFETT ENTERS MENTAL WARD FOR SERIOUS CASE OF ARACHNOPHOBIA

PETA MEMBERS UP IN ARMS OVER CRUEL TREATMENT OF 24 BLACKBIRDS BAKED IN PIE

3 BILLY GOATS CHARGED IN DROWNING OF 

O. TROLL AT OAK STREET BRIDGE 

IN STRANGE RELATED INCIDENTS 

PEOPLE WITNESS AMAZING MUSICAL CAT PLAYING FIDDLE, COW ALLEGEDLY JUMPING OVER THE MOON, AND A DISH COME TO LIFE , GROW LEGS, AND RUN AWAY WITH A SPOON

LSD FOUND ON EYE WITNESSES

FAN FRIDAYS

I am a BIG fan of all of my 7 granddaughters,

but Breanna and Brooklin deserve a little special recognition today!

The video speaks for itself!

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I'm always tired,

Every job I had I quit, or was fired.

I left the burner on and melted the bottom of the pan,

My real name is Danny, but some folks call me Dan.

I walk Benji about 7 times a day,

That's when I take time to pray.

I pray for my granddaughters and my beautiful wife,

God keep them safe from harm, thanks for allowing them in my life.

Sometimes I feel guilty over cruel things I've done,

And these dark thoughts of shame seem to spoil life's fun.

I tell myself, don't think about it , my sins are forgiven,

But it's often so bad, that I don't feel like livin'.

I'm joyful at church, praising God with my songs,

And I know that He loves me, in spite of my wrongs.

However, I fear when I walk out the door,

I'll make such a mistake, God won't love me no more.

I know that the Bible tells me I'm saved,

From the worry of death in an eternal grave.

I know that it's true, in my heart it does dwell,

But what I deserve is the worst kind of Hell.

The words I am sharing should not be discouraging,

In fact, I am hoping they will be encouraging,

If you are a miserable misfit like me,

If you are a blind man who so wants to see,

If you are a prisoner who wants to be free,

If you want the door opened and can't find the key,

Jesus is gonna love you know matter what you've done in the past, because that's his job, and let's face it, he already knows all of the nasty deeds you've done and hasn't obliterated your butt yet, has he?!

Don't get me wrong, though. 

I am imperfect, REAL imperfect, and still have my doubts, fears, nasty thoughts, anger, depression...and it is very difficult for me to understand how God can forgive me for what I am...

But I guess I'll just have to take his word for it!

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Dear God,
Welcome into your arms all the innocent ones who perished in the Oklahoma tornado, and please bless and comfort the families and friends of those who are with you now in heaven.
We know your ways are higher than our ways, and your thoughts higher than our thoughts, so please give the sufferers of this, and other tragic disasters, the faith, strength, and courage to continue on with the understanding you will make all things right one day.

Revelation 21:4

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

AMEN!