SATURDAY MORNING POST

TRAFFIC RESEARCH GROUP DISCOVER THAT DRIVERS OF FIRST CARS AT TRAFFIC LIGHT BECOME PREOCCUPIED WITH EVERYTHING EXCEPT WATCHING FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE

GREAT DANE DOG IS TAUGHT TO DRIVE A FORD TAURUS WHILE HIS "MASTER" STICKS HIS HEAD OUT OF THE PASSENGER WINDOW

STUDY ON AGING SHOWS THAT OLD BALD MEN WITH BEER BELLIES  TRULY BELIEVE THEY LOOK LIKE HUGH JACKMAN WHILE THEY WORK IN THEIR YARDS WEARING NO SHIRTS 

What an exquisite emotional video!

THE PEWY POLL PEOPLE FIND THAT ALL OF THE CONFUSION, MISMANAGEMENT, DOWN RIGHT STUPIDITY, LYING, DECEIT, AND CORRUPTION FOUND IN THE U.S. CONGRESS  IS VIEWED AS OKAY BY 95% OF THE POPULATION...AS LONG AS THEY PERSONALLY GET WHAT THEY WANT

BRITISH NANNY DELIGHTED TO EMPTY THE DIAPER OF HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE GEORGE OF CAMBRIDGE INTO THE "LOO"...SHE CLAIMS IT WAS HER FIRST ROYAL FLUSH

HIDEOUSLY UGLY CREATURES FROM OUTER SPACE FORM A DIABOLICAL GROUP TO DISPENSE WEIRD, DISTORTED, UNTRUTHS TO THE AMERICAN POPULATION...THEY CALL IT "THE VIEW!"

With the exception of Elisabeth Hasselbeck!

CHRIS CRISTIE SAYS HE HAS MANY NEW IDEAS SO HE WILL BE BUILDING A NEW PLATFORM FOR 2016...HE CRASHED THROUGH THE OLD ONE AFTER EATING THE WORLD'S BIGGEST HAMBURGER

HAPPY SATURDAY!

MAY ALL YOUR POSTS BE PLEASANT!

MY FENDER BENDER

I was minding my own business,

Her car hit me from behind,

I got a little whiplash,

So, I'm not feeling fine,

I think texting was her downfall,

Even though she'd not admit it,

I wish everyone would stop it,

I wish eveyone would quit it!

So this is a simple blog post,

My pain, I soon will kick it,

What really makes me angry,

Is she didn't get a ticket!

I think the policeman was her boyfriend,

She introduced him to her mother,

I hope that this will all work out,

But I think I'm "snookered," brother!

BURMA SHAVE

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I must have A.D.D. and not know it, because I don't take the time to focus on it long enough.

The original purpose of Thoughtful Thursday was to create an atmosphere of tranquility, calm, peace, relaxation, meditation, and happy thoughts...so you be makin' "happy talk."

So at this point in tom, I want you to dismiss all worries, fears, negative thoughts, heartaches, and pain from your being.

Shoo, shoo! Go away bad things!

Run away!  Take a hike! 

Make like a tree and leave!

Take a powder!

Hit the road!

Don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out!

Now...isn't that better?

Let's take an imaginary walk through the lovely garden of our mind, and try to picture ourselves as not simply looking at the beautiousness, but being a part of the extraordinary, natural surroundings.

You can see yourself skipping through the good toms of your life, and telling the whole wide worm, "I'm a flower...I'm a flower!"

No...you are not smoking wacky toobacky!

Your awesome, miracle of a brain has little endorphins that can produce a natural high that surpasses marijuana...a lot!

Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") 

are endogenous opioid peptides that

 function as neurotransmitters. They 

are 

produced by the pituitary gland and

 the hypothalamus in vertebrates during 

exercise, excitement, pain, consumption

 of spicy food, love and orgasm, and

 they resemble the opiates in their 

abilities to produce analgesia and a

 feeling of well-being.

So as you are meda-deda-tating, on 

gorgeous trees, sparkling lakes, your first

 kiss, puppies, baby hummingbirds...

keep repeating...come on endorphins...

come on endorphins...

come on endorphins...come on endorphins!

Noooo! Not dolphins!! (Unless you're from Miami)

Okay! You are feeling the endorphins flowing to all of the relaxation centers of your body and brain now, and the pain, stress, frustration and worries are flowing out of your very being at this exact moment in space and tom...and even your obsession with Tom is going away!

Now, in this serene state of calm and vulnerability...

think...

SEND DANNY MONEY...SEND DANNY MONEY...SEND DANNY MONEY...

Just jokin' wit ya! Who needs money when I'm so good lookin'?

Have a great THOUGHTFUL Thursday, my friends!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

When we last left our hero, Gary The Glirkazoid, he had just completed the first step of the "Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet," by riding a pink bike, on a narrow rope, across The Gland Canyon, blindfolded, while singing "My Sweet Yellow Rose!"

Awesome is not the word for Gary! 

The word is "pure in heart!"

Well, I guess that's 3 words, but you catch my drift.

However, Gary needed to complete all 5 tests of the "Gauntlet" to gain entrance to the Supreme Glirkheads who had summoned him for some mysterious reason.

Legend has it, that the second test is the most difficult and terrifying of all!

Our fearless Gary was about to face the largest, fiercest, most vicious, meanest, smelliest, heartless beast in the whole universe!!

Please play the dramatic music!

GLIRKZILLA!!

Glirkzilla was  badder than ole King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog!

This song is so much fun!

Gary had to walk through a valley that had 50 foot walls on either side, and the only way to reach his destination was THROUGH GLIRKZILLA!

This is starting to scare ME!

Gary had no weapons, armor, shield, or "Depends!"

He had to use his wits to defeat this horrible, gigantic, repulsive creature!

Our brave Gary slowly walks within a few feet of the hideous monster, and stands right in front of him...then all of a sudden he fakes left and then changes direction to do an "end around" the ferocious beast, running as fast as his little glirka-legs can carry him!

"NOT FAST ENOUGH"...roars Glirkzilla as he grabs poor little Gary in his enormous claw-like hands!

Gary knows this will be the end for him now, as his billions of years of life begin to pass before him in his mind.

The adventures, the girls, the heroic deeds, the girls, the travel to exotic places, the girls, the bowling tournaments, the girls...

Dying at the hands of this grotesque monster was bad enough, but the smell was really killing him!

What was that sound?

It was like the sound of tinkling glass...and all of a sudden the helper of all Glirkazoids appears in a hologram, like Princess Leia in Star Wars...IT IS YELLOW ROSE!! YAY!!!!

She says to Gary, "Don't you remember the song I taught you, that can free you from Glirkzilla?"

Gary tries to think (which is kind of hard when you're about to be eaten), and pictures himself by a lake with Yellow Rose...and then it all comes back to him.

Gary begins to sing, ♪Puff the magic dragon, lived by the sea...♫

At that, Gary sees that gigantic tears are beginning to flow from Glirkzilla's eyes!

This was the song Glirkzilla's mommy used to sing to him when he was just a 40 foot baby!

Glirkzilla gently places Gary down on the ground and let's him pass, while Gary continues to sing...he's not taking any chances!

Once again, Cheryl...whoops...I mean Yellow Rose has helped Gary through another test and saved his precious little life!

But let's not feel too comfortable yet!

There are still 3 more tests that Gary has to pass!

Will he do it?

Will Yellow Rose come to his aid again?

Will he remain "pure in heart?"

We will find out next week on... 

"OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!

This song still makes me cry, so I turn it off before the ending!
FOR REAL!

Travelin' Tuesday Postponed Until Next Week

A Poem About A Lot Of Stuff

My viewership is down,

I think it's run aground,

Just like the ship Titanic,

Is this the time to panic?

My Maness Music Fun Page,

Used to be the rage,

At 19 views I'd grin,

Now it's only 10!

At times my views were 30,

When my thumbnail pic was pretty,

When I wrote about my wife,

People love the stuff that's nice.

When I upload vids on YouTube,

I feel just like a big boob,

When the views are only 20,

I don't think that's funny!

I have a thousand views and more,

On some vids I've done before,

What's happened to my fan base,

I'm just a dumb disgrace!

1400 some odd views!

I wrote a song and posted,

It is real cool, I boasted,

On Facebook just last night,

I didn't get one "like."

I know a "like" will come,

Even though I am a bum,

From my bestest friend named Rosie,

And I'll feel warm and cozy.

I used to be a-sizzlin',

But now my blog is fizzlin',

Should I change my style,

For just a little while?

"Getting Close To You," my song,

I thought could not go wrong,

I got nice words from Manolis,

But not a word from "Kiss."

That gives me an idear,

I'll paint my face and rear,

And do a video in the raw,

Or is that against the law?

Some other things I want to say,

I mowed the lawn of weeds today,

The grass is brown and mostly dead,

As for the weeds, full speed ahead!

I wish I had recording gear,

So I could make my songs sound clear,

Like Manolis, Daveman, and Sara,

Instead, I sound like Yogi Berra!

My voice is scratchy, my piano cheap,

A microphone would help a heap,

To make me sound just like Coldplay,

But that is for another day.

I'd like to wake up fit and fired,

But why do I feel worn and tired,

I take my pills so faithfully,

I swallow up to 23!

Thanks for taking time to hear,

My complaints, you are a dear,

It's time for bed, and I am yawning,

It's always better in the morning!
BURMA SHAVE