♫MADNESS MUSIC MONDAYS♫

My dream has always been to have one of my songs playing on the radio for all the whole wide worm to hear, and then someone would say, wow, this song is awful, how did this crap get on the radio?!!!

                                            BUTCH                                                   

That would make me the happiest gorilla in the world!

♫MADNESS MUSIC MONDAYS♫ is a new feature on my blog where I will feature (didn't I just say feature?) MY songs that I've written over the last 100 years.

Here is what I picture in my mom about every day: I gets an email, phone call, or knock at the door, where I read or hear that someone famous has listened to one of my songs on YouTube, my blog, or SOMEWHERE , and absolutely adores it, and wants to record it for his/her new album! (Do they still make albums?)

"Not a chance," you say, with a great measure of confidence!

Well, I say, "CHANCE!!"

Take a gander of these songs that NO ONE ever thought would make it to the radio:

You gotta watch this "NORMAN" video, you'll be rollin' on the floor laughing, for real!!!

See? 

I know my songs are terrible, but not any worse than the songs above this pink and black lettering!

Here is a song I wrote for my beautiful YouTube friend Sara(pronounced Sar-uh) from Norway, who actually has been able to speak Norwegian since she was a baby! Foreigners are so smart!

This is real short, I know you can suffer through this, if you really love me!

I know what you're thinking; "Danny said he was going to wear a nose ring in 2013 in the song, and he's not wearing one! "

I was lying!!

Once you see and hear Sara(pronounced Sar-uh) you'll fall in love with her like everybody else:

                                     

                                    Ain't she sweet?                                                  

♫See her walkin' down the street,♪

♪Now I ask you very confidentually,♫

♫Ain't she sweet?♪♪

ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS

I am starting a new feature on my blog on this wintry day.

It's called ST. LOUIS SUNDAYS.(Notice the Cardinal colors?)

Since I was bored and raged on the dirty, mean streets of St. Louis, I am dimly qualified to tell you all the inside stories of intrigue, deception, Soulard's Market, Bevo Mill, The Jewel Box, Kiel Auditorium, White Castle and so much more you don't care about!

However, I'm gonna launch this new feature by telling you about the day that Rick Gieselman, Ron Stevens and me got kicked out of the prestigious St. Louis Art Museum.

Now, I could make a short story long by telling you that we were all good friends, played on the Pattonville High School football team, were hilariously funny, and afraid of nuttin' honey! (We were too dumb to know better.)

                                Rick is in third row (75) Ron (33) Me front row (72)                   

I can't remember who came up with that stuff called "silly-sigh-bin," but something that had silly in the name couldn't be too bad, could it?

We all partook of the tiny objects...

DISCLAIMER: Any cavalier mention of the partaking of mind altering drugs should not be considered an approval, and/or encouragement of these demon inspired brain busters,  that WILL cause irreparable damage to the cerebral cortex, along with birth defects, 

facial tics, madness, and causing you to say, "nik nik!"

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, heading for Forest Park in Rick's old Chevy Biscayne, "Cheryl!"

Forest Park was about the coolest place to go because it had far out concerts, the St. Louis Zoo, the St. Louis Art Museum, and it was all 

FREEEEEE!!! 

Free Bird...Free Bird...Free Bird....

Whoops, a little flashback blast from the past!

Without even realizing it, we started feeling kind of silly on the way. 

Physically, it was like (to me at least) a little sparrow was flying around in my tummy tickling me, therefore, it made EVERYTHING funny!

Rick told me he felt "real silly."

That little sentence made us laugh from Page Avenue to the Debaliviere Strip , where all the strip clubs were located, featuring the "Hubba Hubba Girl," Evelyn West, "with her fifty thousand dollar Treasure Chest insured by Lloyds of London!"

Evelyn West

At this point of the adventure, I was starting to feel like a covy of quail could fly out me arse at any given moment, but I liked it, I really liked it, And so did Rick!

However, Ronnie started talking about cops, demons, bad acid trips, and uncomfortable subjects like that, and he was starting to bring us down.

Through the magic of time travel, we were suddenly there at the popular and FREE St. Louis Art Museum, and Ron seemed to be feeling better, so we meandered in.

OH MY GOSH, I'd been to the Art Museum many times before, but it was never like this! It was so remarkably beauteous, and colorful, and ......SILLY!!!

Ron was starting to act weird again, and seemed a bit paranoid about the big bag of "grass" I had in my pocket. (See disclaimer)

We told him to be quiet, so as not to bring undo attention to ourselves and he piped down a bit.

It did make me a bit concerned though, because I had already been arrested, and tossed in jail for ten days, due to picking mary-wanna in Illinois. ( We told the cop we were picking "polk", but he didn't believe us) 

I think we were what they used to call "peaking" when Rick and me noticed the faces of the people on the priceless Rembrandt's and Van Gogh's, their expressions were ALL so SILLY!!

We tried to turn our attention to other paintings, but EVERYONE in ALL the paintings had ridiculously SILLY  expressions on their  comical faces!

Were we on Candid Camera?

Someone had to be playing a silly trick on us, huh?

At that point we proceeded to laugh hysterically....

Now, remember, we are in the super quiet, and, oh so respectable, St. Louis Art Museum, rubbing elbows with the highly sophisticated, elite, society dudes and dudettes, while we were part of the unwashed masses.

Now, Ronnie was whispering at US to pipe down, but it was impossible at this point, because life in general had never, ever been so SILLY!

Did you know museums have bouncers?

We must have been a little more boisterous than we thought, because two guys, that were bigger than Andre The Giant, showed up and escorted us, by the arms, past all the silly pictures and stuff, all the way out to the statue of the guy on the horse at the front of the museum.
Me and Rick never stopped laughing, but Ron was talking about alien abduction, Storm Troopers, and revolution.

Did he take the same stuff as us?

Anyway, we left "Cheryl" parked at the museum parking lot, and walked down the hill to the zoo.

      What could possibly go wrong there?

SURREAL   SATURDAYS

I'm starting another new feature called SURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYSSURREAL   SATURDAYS::

sur·re·al

 [suh-ree-uhl]..having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal;fantastic.
I am abundantly more comfortable with the SURREAL   than with the, so-called, REAL.....

             

Hallucinatory    HallucinatoryHallucinatoryHallucinatory quality of A DREAM is what i dig!

DisOriented is my natural  STATE OF MOM!!!!

UnREAL AnD FanTasTIC are my middle names...Danny UNreal Fantastic MaDness!

Let's take the exciting, unreal, JOURNEY, to the center of my mom, I mean Mind, NOT MOM, MIND MIND MIND, and see what befalls us in my surreal LITTLE WORM, I mean world, YES, HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO Careless, I meant THAT MY MOM IS NOT my MIND, ha ha,that's utter NONSENSE!!!

The Beatles were the masters of the surreal! I know you know that, but it bears repeating! The beat-alls whirl da MUSTARDS Of THE SORE eel?

SURREAL SATURDAYS,
What makes them,
Mustard on sore eels,
 We bakesem?
HALLUCINATING DREAMS,
UNREAL, FANTastic,
CHEESY BurGER PIZZA
oR Gaz mic,
Dribbling off to sleeb,
Don't miss this,
Surreal saturday,
Don't kiss this off,
As just a dream,
Misplacing, beauty in your soul,
Embracing, surreal saturdays,
And finally feeling exactly as you did when you were 19, and reality was suspended for a few hours, while "visions of psychedelic sugar plums danced in your (euphoric) head," and you understood for the first time that  surrealality was way more real than reality!
BURMA SHAVE

FAN FRIDAYS

Fan Fridays is a new feature on my blog, where I discuss, ad nauseum,

Web definitions Ad nauseam is a Latin term used to describe an argument which has  been continuing "to [the point of] nausea". .... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_nauseum tthe singers, bands, comedians, historical figures, and just cool people I admire, in general. JONI MITCHELL Anyone that knows me well, would have already guessed Joni Mitchell would be first! In my opinion, the GREATEST, singer/songwriter that has ever existed, that has the sweetest, purest voice like an angel,  and most importantly, puts me way high up in that indescribable place that only ex-flower children, street performers, and gifted artists, like my friend, David Durham, could ever hope to understand! http://www.durhamimages.com/   Please do not skip this link! David is awesome!                            David(above) is also a family member! I'm getting off track already,  this is about Joni!  Somebody keep reminding me to stay on focus, please. How many of you do NOT agree  that Joni Mitchell is the most  wonderful musical artist of  the hippy generation?  Well, get a load of this, and see if you don't change your musically challenged mom! See!! I'll bet that blew your tussie clean off, huh? No? Are you deef?  Did you listen to the whole song? Are you high on something? Okay, that's the problem! You need to go get high on something, and listen to it! We'll wait. TA TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TA TIC TOC TIC TOC TICKEY TICKET TIC TA TIC TOC TIC TOC.... Are you done now??? FEEL BeTTeRRRRRR! Great greate grate.....  now listen to this and see what you think: Well, I know fer sure that music is  all subjective,  and I can't get you to love the stuff I love,  and I will NEVER love the hard rock crap  all of you probably listen to,  but it's all good, man! I can only feel sorry the puny  minded folks that have such a  limited brain and heart, they  cannot feel Joni's music way  down to their souls like all of  us enlightened ones, who  understand that her beautifulness,  that permeates every fiber of our  existances will forever be encapsulated  within our psykes in the warp drive of our imaginations, ad nauseum!!! Don't it always seem to go that you don't  know what you've got 'till it's gone?

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS

You may have already noticed how I'm using very subtle earth tones in my lettering today, because I'm beginning another new feature entitled, "Thoughtful Thursdays."

I'm sure you remember that mellow tune by the Moody Blues, don't you?

♫Thursday afternoon♪..I'm just beginning to see..♪♪

So relax, have a few beers, settle down, don't be so tense, light some vanilla scented candles, and partake of whatever other kind of recreational/medicinal  thingy you may have at your disposal, and zone out, zone out, zone out.....

Are you there yet?

I'll give you a few more minutes.

Times up!

"Thoughtful Thursdays"  will concentrate purely on sweet, feel good, comforting , soothing  things that will help you to be at peace with your own soul, and love baby animals even more than is normal.

I walked through a beautiful sunny glade during a torrential  downpour,  and the sparkling raindrops shimmered like the gorgeous tassels on that exotic dancer at Big Al's that one night, when the piano sounded like a carnival, and the microphone smelled like a beer, and they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say, Mam, what are you doin' here. Mam?

Try to remember the best, sunniest, beauteous day of your whole miserable life, and force yourself to believe that "day" could come again. Ha!

Try to dismiss those nasty wasty negative thoughts from your mind, like accidentally being impaled between two railroad cars, because you stupidly walked between them while they were coupling, but you are still alive, and can see your guts hanging out.

That is not cool, man. 

Have your thoughts meander to cute little kittens, baby wombats, butterflies, "Dancing With The Stars," not the T.V. show, imagine literally dancing with little five pointed stars in outer space, and feeling totally euphoric and trippy.

Would you do that for me, my child?

Just about every Thursday we need to give all the bitter, ugly, murderous, hateful ideas that have lodged in our brains, a good enema, and tuning in to "Thoughtful Thursday" will probably not help, but we can't give up hope completely!

Here is what I'd like you to remember:

You may be fat and ugly too,
Worse than a baboon in the zoo,
No money do you have for fun,
So to your head you point the gun, 
And if the trigger you do pull it,
You're safe, you can't afford a bullet!
BURMA SHAVE