THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

Things That Bother Me

by Danny Maness

I try to talk to people,

Who keep texting constantly,

That's way up high upon my list,

Of things that bother me.

Folks who talk about their stuff,
Instead of family,
Their car and boat or island trip,
Are boring as can be.









They act as if I don't exist,
My words don't mean a thing,
To them I'm just a peon,
While they're a glorious King!

Another thing that irritates,
A real pain in the neck,
Is the one there in the checkout line,
Who waits to write her check!

She could have done it in advance,
Then just write in the total,
That bothers me an awful lot,
I'd rather hear pigs yodel!

It bothers me when parents curse,
With children on their knee,
But give them a swift backhand,
If they use profanity!

You're waiting for the light to change,
From red to go go green,
But when it finally changes,
It always goes unseen,

By the girl who's on her cell phone,
Or the guy who's high on "grass",
It bothers me so very much ,
I'd like to kick their...tires!

The super rude who let their doggies,
In my front yard doo-doo,
And never bring a baggie,
That bugs me through and through!

The hip hop lover in his car,
Who has the volume high,
The bass notes shake my household,
And makes our Yorkie cry!

It bothers me an eensy bit,
When a "leader" tells a lie,
When hopes and dreams are shattered,
By this crooked, phony guy!

I usually am not the kind,
To gripe and whine, you see,
But it helps to get things off my chest,
Bout the things that bother me.

BURMA SHAVE

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Traveling at 7 times the speed of light, Gary was speeding in the direction of Lipitor 3, to save his faithful partner, Yellow Rose, who was soon to be emulsificated by the cruel, ugly, disgusting Zocar Beast! (Don't even ask what being emulsificated means...it's really yucky!!)

Unfortunately, our hero was being chased by the ruthless, vicious Garganorillians that have a deep seeded love/hate relationship with Glirkazoids! They hate their happy personalities, and love the taste of them! Especially deep fried! (But what ain't good deep fried, huh?)

Another minor distraction was trying to circumvent asteroids in the Billuvian Asteroid Belt during a major meteor shower!

Gary was running out of fuel, his disgronificator was on the blink. and he had BAD tummy cramps that...

Hi, gang! You're probably wondering how I jumped from Gary and Y.R. needing a part tom job, last episode, to all this exciting...um...excitement, right?

You're not? Well, then, go back and read the last episode, and you'll see the big discrepancy that needs to be cleared up. (Wow! I don't think I've EVER used the word discrepancy before!)

Okay, now we are gonna go back in tom to see how Gary and Yellow Rose got into this situation, like they do in the movies. 

You see, it's just a ploy to suck you in. Put a lot of action and exciting stuff at the beginning to get your attention, and then go back in time to the real, boring story.

Gary closes his eyes, and thinks back...baaack...baaaaaack...and then we see clouds, hazy mist, hear tinkling wind chimes...and SUDDENLY we are transported back to where Yellow Rose and Gary are checking the enter-web for part tom jobs.








They are situated in Gary's situation room on his gleaming spaceship...the Silver Sausage.
Gary and Yellow Rose are both slumped over their computerators, looking for gainful employment...when Gary cries out, "eureka Y.R.!"

Yellow Rose - "Did you find a job, Gary?!"

Gary - "No, but I found Eureka, Illinois on this map! Did you know that's where Ronald Reagan went to college?!"

Yellow Rose - "GARY! Stop fooling around and keep looking for a job! We are almost out of pazoozas, and YOU won't be able to make the payment on this pile of junk!"

Gary - "Ssshish, Y.R.! You know the Silver Sausage has feelings." 

Yellow Rose - "It's just a machine, my poor, pathetic friend. Only an old bucket of bolts with an outdated computerator."

Gary - "Nooo! Don't say that Y.R.!" 

Instantly, the Silver Sausage lifts off it's docking platform and zoom-zooms into space at 100 times warp speed...spinning...doing loop ta loops...and generally making them sick until after about 30 parsecs of time it stops and dumps them out on the ground!

Gary - "I tried to tell you. girl!"

Yellow Rose - "I never knew the Silver Sausage was so sensitive."

Gary - "You need to apologize to her."

Y.R. - "But...I never apologized to a spaceship before...how do I do it?"

Gary - "See that air vent on the floor? You need to get down on your hands and knees and talk into it."

Yellow Rose - "You're kidding, right?"

Gary -"Absolutely not...and you need to say these exact words if you don't wanna be zoomed out into deep space again. Say, Oh, mighty and glorious Silver Sausage...I am sooo sorry for verbally abusing you in such a shameful and insensitive way! Will you forgive me, Oh, beautiful ship!" 
"Then wait for her to answer."

Yellow Rose got down on her hands and knees, repeated Gary's exact words into the air vent...and there was no answer. She said the words again...still no answer...

That's when Gary started laughing hysterically! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ! Yellow Rose...the Silver Sausage can't talk, like the ship on Star Trek! I was the one that made the ship take off and do all the aerobatics with my little remote control thingy here! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I wish you could have seen yourself talking into the air vent on your hands and knees!!! Priceless...absolutely PRICELESS!!!

Yellow Rose was NOT laughing.

FUNNY CAPTIONS FRIDAY

Funny Captions Friday is where I search the World Wide Worm for diverse, unique, intriguing photographs, and write a caption for it.

Notice, I didn't say a "FUNNY" caption, because humor is so subjective. (Boy, do I know dat!!)

So take my hand, and we can stroll through the fantastical garden of pictorial delights and (possibly) humorous captions.

Oh...please...don't be afraid to take my hand. I will not harm you. Remember, I'm a "Doctor!" 

There ya go...Ooou la la, baaaaby!!!

Yeah, how did you know I went to the tanning salon?

Uncle Fester's family reunion .

Cyclopstacles

Sweetie, there's another silly dude here on 

the beach that tried the old "head in the sharks mouth" trick!

My other designs failed, but this one will 

take me away from these horrible giants!

I wonder if this works the same way as with the biscuit?

Madge, I think your sister from 3 Mile Island is here!

You'll be fine, Tom! Just cut back on the coffee a bit, stop watching those old sci-fi flicks, and definitely, stop viewing rhymesauce videos!

No swimming, boating, or fishing! Ha Ha Ha! Very funny!

Oh, fer sure, Wilma! This style is the RAGE on Zyrox 6!

Merl Slunk is honored to be "the lamp" in the annual Goofy Ridge, lampshade toss!

What you lookin' at sucka! Never seen a chair outside before?!

Have a pleasant, safe, secure, happy, inimitable, abominable, iconoclastic, rebellious,

inconceivable (like in The Princess Bride), unscrupulous, edifying, freewheelin' weekend!!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I feel like crappolla...warmed over! 

It's 5:12 P.M. C.S.T., and I know it's much too late for any of my ancient, old friends to stay up and read this, but I need to do something to cheer myself up. I hope this works! 

♪♫Oooooh, tra la la, la la la looo, 

I don't know why I'm feelin' blue, 

but maybe if I write a bit, 

then I won't even give a s care!♫

Well, THAT didn't work, I'll turn on Family Feud,

Steve Harvey is ALWAYS funny!

Oh, shoot-fire! It's a freakin' rerun! 

♪♫Let's see, clicky, clicky click on the old remote,

♫Which little channel will float my boat?♫

NOOOOOO! NO, NO, NO NO...I'm NOT watching the cockadoodie NEWS!!!

It's way too sad tonight.

It wouldn't be so bad if the news only lasted an hour, like back in the fifties, but now they don't ever let go of the same depressing story for hours on end...AND...DAYS ON END!!!

I do not NEED to know the life story of the shooter, and the reporters should NOT stick their microphone into the faces of sobbing, grieving family members of the victims!!!

I can't handle it right now...I REALLY can't!!!

Much...much BETTER!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The wonderous experience of traveling hither, thither, and yon, about the vast and expanding universe, whilst protecting, defending, and amusing diverse creatures interwoven in the fabric of celestial, co-habitational cohesiveness, was the only reward Gary and Yellow Rose really needed...however...it was nice to receive a paycheck every month!

Well, they didn't actually pick up a paycheck. Their pay was direct deposited into the First Intergalactical Bank Of Glirka, in the amount of one billion pazoozas, each!

Unfortunately, after taxes,only 10 pazoozas remained between the both of them!

Yellow Rose - "We need a part time job, Gary! We don't take home enough pazoozas to cover our asteroids!"

Gary - "Why do we need to cover our asteroids, Y.R.?"

Yellow Rose - "That's just an expression, pinhead! I'm just saying that we need MORE money!!"

Gary - "Pinhead?! Let me remind you, I finished second in my class at the academy!!!"

Yellow Rose - "I guess you have a point! Ha Ha Ha! Get it, Gary? You have a point?! On top of your HEAD! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Oh, that was soooo funny!!!"

Gary - (grumbling and mumbling) "Well, I DID finish second in my class!" 

Yellow Rose - (laughing hysterically) "Gary, there were only TWO cadets in your class! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Gary - "Your about as funny as a screen door on an underwater probe capsule!!!"

Yellow Rose - "Oh, Gary, you know I'm only funnin' wit ya! Now, what are we gonna do to make more pazoozas?"

Gary - "Look here, Yellow Rose! This message on my message thingy says I may have already won the Plutonian Clearing House contest!"

Yellow Rose - "Good grief!" 

What will Gary and Yellow Rose do to make more pazoozas?

Will danger be part of the next episode?

Will excitement run with reckless abandon next week?

I sincerely hope so, because this episode really sucked!!

Bye bye, until the next OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY!!!!

Madness Music Monday

Both my Mom and Dad would go around singing silly songs.

I hope Moms and Dads still do that.

Since it's Madness Music Monday, I'm sharing a short video I made, featuring some of the silly songs my Dad used to sing...frequently! Ha Ha Ha!

I sincerely hope that fun songs like this don't get lost in this cyberdelic, busy worm we live in!

A HAPPY SUNDAY MORNING SONG

♪♪ Just a happy Sunday morning song, ♫

I don't know how it goes,

'Cause I just started writing it,

Right now NOBODY knows. ♫

♫ I have to write it swiftly,

Soon I'm off to church,

So I'll be as quick as I can be,

No one will I besmirch.♪♪

 ♫Won't talk about Obama,
Or his crappy health care scam,
Or how my buddies were rejected,
When they returned from Vietnam. ♪♫

♪ Oh, it's such a lovely, pleasant day,
I won't tell you it's a shame,
We forget our missing children,
To find a missing plane. ♪♪

♫The weather will be perfect,
Maybe 65 degrees,
So I'll not attempt to bore you,
'Bout Benghazi if you please. ♪♫

♪ I think I have to stop a sec,
And take Benji for a walk,
Have a scrumptuous, happy day,
It was so nice to talk! ♫♪

BURMA SHAVE

Teen spends $25,000 after accidently

 (website misspelling, not mine)

 getting $31,000 put into account

Okay, I know teenagers don't always think things out...however...

Posted on: 10:24 am, March 28, 2014, by Web Staff

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HULL, Ga. — A Georgia teenager got a nice surprise in his bank account earlier this month — to the tune of $31,000. The teen then started wildly spending the money, but after discovering the mistake, the bank wants its money back, the Athens Banner-Herald reported.

This is sooo cool, the teenager must have thought, the bank made a huge mistake and put $31,000 in my account, they will never know the difference, and even if they find out...hey...it's THEIR fault...besides...I'm a teen, so I can get away with ANYTHING!

No matter what teen-boy says, we all know that this was what he was REALLY thinking! (If this can be called thinking!)

The error happened March 7 when a man went to make a $31,000 deposit at First Citizens Bank in Hull. But with several people by the same name with accounts at the bank, the teller put the money into the wrong account.

Bank Teller - (singing to self) ♪♪ Oh, doofy, doofy, doofy, doofy doooo!♫
"Hello, pardner! Want to deposit some greenbacks?"

Mr. Smith - "Yes. I want this $31,000 deposited in my account."

Bank Teller - "Righteeooo, Mr. Smith!"

Mr. Smith - "My bank account number is 21..."

Bank Teller - "Oh, no need for that, buddy-ole-pal (pinches Mr. Smith's nose) we knows ya!"

Mr. Smith walks away a little confused, and the bank teller begins to deposit the 31 K.

Bank Teller - ♫ Oh, doopy, doopy, doopy, dippy, doopy doooo!♪♪
"Now, let's see...Smith..Smith..Smith...gee willikers...there's a ship load of Smiths listed here, but I know it was one of these Bob Smith dudes!"

" I needs to do this science-intiffically...okay...eeny meeny miney moe...which Bob Smith will get the dough?"

So our beloved teen-boy won the unpredictable, illogical, lottery of life, and had the 31 "large" dumped into his account, that probably amounted to about 19 dollars.

Ten days later, the man who made the deposit inquired about the missing money from his account, and that’s when the error was discovered, sheriff’s deputies said.

But not before the 18-year-old man who was the beneficiary of the money had taken out $20,000 in cash and spent another $5,000 on an ATM card.

Teen-boy - "I know I need to spend this super fast, because if I DO get caught, I can tell them, sorry...I can't give it back...I already spent it!"
( What a bright boy, hmmmm?)

The teen tried to get more money on March 18 but was told of the mistake and to return the money, but he claimed the money came from an inheritance.

Teen-boy - " I inherited the money!"

The bank - "Who died?"

Teen-boy - "Well, no one I can think of, off hand...but I appreciate your concern!"

After being confronted by a sheriff’s deputy and told to return the money, the man said he would go to the bank and settle matters, but he has yet to do so. Bank officials say they will prosecute if the man does not return the money.

Let me make a prediction...PLEASE!

Teen-boy will NEVER repay the money, maybe a compassionate (dumb) group will start a fundraiser for this victimized teenager, he will do video that goes viral (if that has not already happened), or his parents will suffer all the nasty consequences this brat deserves!

What do you think, gang?