THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I'm thirsty!

Before we begin Thoughtful Thursday's excursion into the outer reaches of our surreal imaginations, I need to get some ice water. (Or iced water, if that is correct in your neck of the woods)

WARNING!!! If you do not plan to click on the videos in this blog, you will not find any of the laughter, joy, and nostalgia it was designed to illicit in your soul. 
Thanks for your cooperation!

Please enjoy the intermission music whilst I'm away to the kitchen:

Ta tick tock tick tock tick tock tick...

I'm baaaaack!

Did you listen to the cool tick tock music?

Why not?

Go back, click it on, and listen to it while you read my blog...PLEASE! It will make it a lot less boring. 

Ta tick tock, tick tock, tick tock tick, ta tick tock, tick tock, ticky ticky tock...

They used to play that song quite often on TV back in the 50's, when you had to wait for something to happen...which was frequently!

Things were not so instantaneous back then. There were delays, intermissions, technical difficulties...vikings raiding the TV station...

That's when they inserted the tick tock song to entertain us while we waited. Kind of like what they do when you're put on hold today.

You may click off tick tock music now, if you wish.

Watch video below! It's the best of the blog!

Speaking of music back in the 50's, here is what they would play when someone was spinning plates on sticks, juggling with fire torches, or doing anything exciting:

Begin playing video now...I said NOW!

Sorry if I seem a bit cranky, but I ain't got my car fixed yet!

Here is something cool that I'll bet you've never seen!

I apologize. This is supposed to be Thoughtful Thursday and I'm getting all nostalgic about stupid acts and dumb music on variety shows when I was a kid!

However, how can we forget Senor Wences?! HA HA HA HA-larious!!

And Johnny Puleo and his Harmonica Gang!

How did this get in here?

Did you watch every second of every video I put on here?

You did?

Man, you got way too much time on your hands!

See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!

Just funnin' wit ya!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

Our hero, Gary, has completed 3 of the really, really really hard tests of the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet (with merciful help from Yellow Rose), and would now face the 4th disgusting test that is not only impossible for the impure in heart, but humiliating, to the max!

Before Gary could stand before the Supreme Glirkheads, in the glorious, diamond and emerald encrusted High Chamber, he needed to pass ALL 5 tests, so failure was not an option.

Gary slowly walks down the dusty road singing this song:

Then all of a sudden he bumps right into a huge set of barn doors that tower over him like redwood trees!

Gary hears the sound of chains, and creaking cogs, as the magnificent doors begin to slowly open with a loud squeaking sound, like...Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

When the doors open, Gary can't believe his protruding eyes!

He whispers to himself, "The pink glelephants of Gnoph!"

Then he says it very loud, "The pink glelephants of Gnoph!!" 

Wow! Gary never really believed they existed! 

He'd heard all the legends of these gigantic glelephants that were way bigger than normal glelephants, but never dreamed they were for real!

"There must be a thousand of them," Gary exclaimed!

At that, Gary is handed a small pooper scooper and told to clean up ALL of the pink glelephant dung, in one hour!

Hercules cleans Augean stables.

The piles of glelephant dung from 1,000 glelephants are like mountains, compared to tiny little Gary!

However, Gary is pure in heart, and sincerely believes in his heart he can pass this impossible test! (NO WAY!)

He begins to sing as he scoops:

Now, Yellow Rose is the compassionate, caring, "rescue girl" for all Glirkazoids in trouble, and she also has dominion over all the diverse creatures on the planet Glirka.

Soooo, when the stunningly gorgeous, Yellow Rose, hears Gary singing, she calls out to the enormous Glirkazoidian dung beetles, who run to the dung by the millions, and roll it away in big balls, in about 10 minutes...FLAT!

Gary really wishes Yellow Rose was there, so he could put his arms around her and kiss her on the mouth, real hard, and...

Suddenly, Yellow Rose appears in front of him...and...and...

Gary is way too shy to "make his move." Sigh!

Gary can be really dumb at times!

Plus, he was a little self conscious because he smelled pretty bad from the glelephant poo-poo!

Gary has one final test to face!

What will it be?

Will he succeed?

Will you be there with our little hero?

Will Gary have the courage to give Yellow Rose a big smooch?

Find out next week, on Out Of This World Wednesday!!!

TRAVELIN' TUESDAY-NOT!!!

Got rear ended 'bout a week ago,

Thought everything was cool and Kosher,

I had insurance, so did she,

Was sure there'd soon be closure.

Well, our car is still broken down,

With the muffler lying on the ground,

Her "swift" insurance adjuster,

Is no where to be found!

We've been renting a car from Enterprise,

At 40 bucks a day,

It's nice to drive a brand new Cruze,

But who is gonna pay?

We call and call her insurance firm,

The name is Elephant?

No one's ever heard of it,

Is it time for us to punt?

They never will return our calls,

So we call our insurance place,

They say there's nothing they can do,

Safe Auto's a disgrace!

So here we are without our car,

Through no fault of our own,
I know God will work it out,
But still I cry and moan,

It just helps to share my woes,
With friends who really care,
Anyway it's my mistake,
For thinking life is fair.

BURMA SHAVE

MANESS MUSIC MONDAY

Laraine Kaizer

Laraine Kaizer was just a young college student when she played violin on my demo about 20 years ago.

She was a sweet little girl with extraordinary talent!

She comes from a musical family here in Peoria, and music is in her genes.

She would sit there and listen to a song I wrote, and immediately be able to play the most beautiful accompaniment imaginable!

As you listen to this song, please focus on her brilliant violin solo. It takes my breath away every time I hear it!

South Side Of My Mind

BREANNA CELEBRATES THE MORNING

5 in the morning I'm on the computer,

Breanna peeks from her room,

Is there anything cuter?

"Is it morning yet?" 

She asks curiously,

Go back to bed, Bre, soon it will be.

A few minutes later,

She looks out again,

"Is the sun up, Babaw,"

She says, with a grin.

Not yet, Sweetie,

She looks so darn sweet,

How long since the morning,

I wanted to greet?

A sunbeam appears,

On her little hand,

She squeals with excitement,

As if it were grand!

She makes up a song,

Singing, "Morning, It's morning!"

While I haven't finished,

My routine of yawning.

I think I remember,

Though vaguely and hazy,

When I wasn't so old,

And not a bit lazy,

And I'd jump out of bed,

With the joy of our Bre,

And I knew that all day,

I'd be happy and free.

Like my sweet inspiration,

My symbol of courage,

Who in spite of her illness,

Is never discouraged,

Breanna the happy,

Breanna the strong,

Breanna who now sings,

her sweet morning song.

FANTASY FRIDAY

What a day for a daydream,

Cool, sweet breezes blowing,

Let's go and get some ice cream,

And forget about that mowing.

Take a walk down to the river,

Where the Asian Carp are jumping,
I'm sure they'll soon deliver,
A reprieve from all your grumping.

Ain't they cool!

Take in sights and sounds abundant,
Get your wrinkled pale face sunshine,
Make this daily and incumbent,
Like a big ole jug a moonshine.

Greet your neighbors with a big smile,
Even if you're sick and ailin',
Do it with some class and smooth style,
Just like you are Sarah Palin.

Grab a pit bull by his small ears,
Even if he is a stranger,
It's okay, get rid of all fears,
What a laugh, you're not in danger.

Walk up to the local policeman,
Ask him, "Where's your box of doughnuts?"
Make a pig noise, through your cupped hands,
Then run as fast you can.

Day old sushi from the Quick Mart,
Will make your tummy tingle,
It will even make your butt fart,
Like jolly old Kris Kringle.

Yes, Santa Claus has tooters,
The same as you and me,
So never put lit candles,
Upon your Christmas tree!
BURMA SHAVE

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I need to stop thinking about if everybody liked my blog, how many comments I received, and how many views are on the view meter.

I enjoy writing about stuff, and it helps me express some of my deepest feelings, which makes me feel a lot better when I'm done.

Don't get me wrong, I love it when a get a comment from someone, but I should not let it get me down when I get no responses from anybody, except my dear friend Cheryl, who is always there for me whenever she can possibly accomplish the task.

To tell you the truth, my fondest wish is that long after I'm dead, somebody discovers this blog and gets a few laughs from it, and thinks that I was kind of cool.

I think my desire for acceptance and attention started when I found out I was the baby of the family (youngest of 6), and I always compared myself, unfavorably, to my athletic, strong, super intelligent, older siblings.

Why is it I am never completely satisfied when I'm complemented on my singing, songwriting, comedy, or anything else?

I truly do appreciate it, but deep in my heart I often feel like they're just saying it because they love me, or because I've complimented them about something.

None of my suspicious feelings should matter at all.

I should be happy that people love me, and appreciate it when I praise them.

I give compliments to my friends on YouTube and Facebook  in all sincerity and honesty.

I can see something good, beautiful, thoughtful, cute, powerful, emotional, and a thousand other wonderful things in my friends videos, music and comments, and not even give a second thought to any imperfections that may exist in them, because their magical qualities become clear through the eyes of love!

One of my major mental problems over the years has been trying to cope with so many worries, fears, questions, shattered dreams, and so much more, all going on in my head at the same time.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep because of  the non-stop racing thoughts rushing around in my brain!

I empty them out on this page now.

I leave them here, and can sleep with an uncluttered mind most every night.

So, why should I worry about "likes", views, and comments?

I write this to keep my sanity,

to be a small part of humanity, 

to dump my cluttered brain, 

like washing it with healing rain.

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAY

The Supreme Glirkheads had summoned Gary to their great Chamber Of Truth to give him an important message of...uh...IMPORTANCE!

However, the only way a Glirkazoid can enter the Chamber Of Truth is by passing the grueling Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet test that only the pure in heart can survive.

Gary has already succeeded in passing the "pink bike across the Gland Canyon" test, AND was able to pass by the terrifying Glirkzilla unscathed!

Now, Gary had 3 more trials to endure!

His next life threatening test would be the darkest, nastiest, and wettest of them all!

Gary had to cross the...

Play dramatic music.

SWAMP OF DEATH!!

See photo of swamp at top of page.

222 courageous Glirkazoids have attempted to cross this treacherous swamp, and 222 have failed miserably.

The swamp was a filthy, yucky, quick sandy area, where all kinds of slithering, slimy, scaly monsters lurked beneath the surface to devour any creature that dared to enter the dark, stinking waters!

Gary did not know how to swim, and he was kind of afraid of the dark, but he was about the purest in heart as a Glirkazoid could get, and that was the most important element in the equation. (Element in the equation? What is this, a science lesson? Yea gads!)

Gary sat there trying to figure out what to do, when he saw a giant Glirkadactal bird flying low over the swamp!

Immediately he runs and climbs the highest Glickamore tree he can find, and when the Glirakadactal flies close enough, he jumps on it's back and holds on for dear life!

Cool! Now all he has to do is ride the big bird across the swamp and...

All of a sudden, the naughty critter starts flying upside down, Gary loses his grip, and he begin's falling down...down...down...

SPLASH! Into the filthy swamp!

Remember, Gary can't swim a stroke, so he begins sinking down...down...down...

He thinks he's gone to Glikazoid heaven when he starts hearing this beautiful music...

Begin playing music.

At this, he sees something that looks like a mermaid swimming toward him, and he can't believe his eyes!

It's the comforter, and helper of all Glirkazoids...

YELLOW ROSE!! 

YAY!!

Yellow Rose grabs Gary, brings him to the surface, and drags him through the dark waters, monsters of the deep, and an occasional floating Baby Ruth candy bar...I hope it's a Baby Ruth candy bar!

When they reach the other side, Yellow Rose gives Gary a kiss on the cheek...or whatever a cheek is called on  Glirkazoids...and then she vanishes!

Once again, Gary has passed the test!

Who said Gary cheated?!

No...no...Gary didn't cheat!

The official rules of the Gruesome Glirkazoid Gauntlet state:

If the contestant is truly pure in heart,

the astonishingly beautiful first response girl, Yellow Rose, may deem it fair to come to the aid of the deserving party when absolutely necessary!

So there!

However, Gary still has two contests to endure, to gain entrance to the Supreme Glirkheads!

Can he do it again?

Will the extremely gorgeous Yellow Rose be willing to help him next time?

Will Gary eat that "Baby Ruth" he found? 

Oh we hope not!