ST. LOUIS SUNDAY

St. Louis Sunday...a funday?

Sometimes yes and sometimes no,

It's according to where you go,

To the "Hill" can be exciting,

Unless the Mafia families are fighting.

Shaw's Garden or the Jewel Box?

At neither one you'll find a "fox!"

A "fox" you want?

 Just drive your scooters,

To a lovely place called Hooters!

However, they won't let you touch,

So, to the Zoo we love so much,

With milk and a generic Twinky,

We hope the fauna aren't too stinky!

It would be a crying shame,

If you didn't  watch a baseball game,

At Busch Stadium, the cool ball park,

Stay in the lighted areas after dark!

The highways, you will quickly learn,

Can make you take a wrong way turn,

And in EAST St. Louis you will be,

Across the mighty Mississippi,

Stay in your car, now, don't get out,

Just find yourself another route,

Ask no questions, turn around,

And get back to St. Louis town.

There R places you can get FREE BEER,

They are so very near and dear,

To all beer lovers who love the charm,

Of the Busweiser tour, and great Grant's Farm!

The St. Louis Arch is a real must.

It's stainless steel, 

So it don't rust,

My brother Dave, he welded it,

So you can ride to the top,

 and see lot's of "sh..!"

BURMA SHAVE

SATURDAY MORNING POST

TORNADOES STRIKE AMERICA'S HEARTLAND...SOMETHING THAT HAS NEVER, EVER HAPPENED BEFORE

OBAMA LIES...A FIRST FOR THIS TRUSTED PRESIDENT

MADONNA EXPOSES HERSELF IN PUBLIC...TO THE SHOCK AND SURPRISE OF HER DEVOTED FANS

PEOPLE LIVING A FEW FEET FROM RIVERS ARE MYSTIFIED WHEN THEIR HOMES ARE FLOODED...AGAIN

SMOKERS DISCOVER THEY ARE LOSING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A YEAR , AND CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHY

PEOPLE WHO BELIEVED THEY WOULD LIVE FOREVER MYSTERIOUSLY DIE WITHOUT PRIOR NOTICE

MAN WHO ENTERS FENCED IN AREA WITH VICIOUS PACK OF SNARLING PIT BULLS IS BITTEN REAL BAD

100 YEAR OLD BILLIONAIRE BAFFLED WHEN HIS TRUSTED BEVY OF BODACIOUS BEAUTIES BEG HIM FOR BUCKS 

YORKIE BARKS AT EVERYTHING THAT MOVES... ALL DAY LONG

FAMOUS AUTHOR/PHOTO JOURNALIST, MARTY WOMBACHER, STUNS THE WORLD BY DRINKING  A BEER

CIA/FBI INVESTIGATION DISCOVERS THAT CHERYL MERRITT, AKA YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS, TALKS WITH A CUTE TEXAS DRAWL

FAN FRIDAY

The funniest man on YouTube is Gounderus!

Gounderus does hilarious, clean comedy that makes me laugh out loud!

How do you feel today? 

It's Friday, so I'll guess you are in a pretty good mood, right?

No? 

Well, where does it hurt?

That's too much information?!

Well then, why don't you kick back and read my blog, and be in the most fantastic mood you could possibly ever imagine, because today is FAN FRIDAY, and I'm featuring GOUNDERUS! The funniest guy on YouTube!!

 I know what you're thinking. "Did 

he fire six shots or only five?" Well, 

to tell you the truth, in all this 

excitement I kind of lost track 

myself. But being as this is a .44 

Magnum, the most powerful 

handgun in the world, and would 

blow your head clean off, you've 

got to ask yourself one question: 

Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

What just happened there?!!

Anyway, before I interrupted myself, I hardly 

ever laugh out loud at anything, but I always 

laugh at the comedy videos the great 

Gounderus creates!

His silly facial expressions, the funny sounds 

that come out of his mouth, his impressions, and

 creative ideas take me back to the classic 

funnymen of my youth, like Red Skelton, Jackie 

Gleason, Jerry Lewis...

Comedians that still make me laugh when I 

watch old clips of them!

Here are two of my favorite "bits" by 

Gounderus:

As you just saw, Gounderus is super hilarious!

In addition, he is the nicest guy on YouTube!

He shows love and respect to everyone that has 

the honor to know him!

I made a music video about Gounderus,

 The Funniest Guy On YouTube.

It goes something like this:

THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY

I usually have a vague idea of what I'm going to write about, but sometimes I have no idea. Like now.

However, I always seem to come up with something to say, that I think is really interesting by the time I'm finished writing.

What to write? What to write?

Okay, it's thoughtful Thursday, so I need to write something thoughtful.

I don't feel thoughtful.

I actually feel kind of tired and irritated tonight. 

You see, it's really not Thursday at all.

It's Wednesday night.

I usually write my blog (at least most of it) the night before.

Madness Music Monday on Sunday night, Travelin' Tuesday on Monday night, and so on and so forth.

If this is boring you, just stop reading and turn on the T.V.

Go ahead, because I'm bored stiff myself.

It's funny, I act like millions of people are gonna read my profound worms, and everything needs to be just perfect so I don't let down my vast audience!

I don't have a vast audience, I don't even have a half vast audience!

You may remember that a few weeks ago I was gonna give up writing this blog because only "The Wonderful Wombacher" and the beautiful and mysterious "Yellow Rose Of Texas"made comments on it, even though I was getting many more views than just those two saintly people.

Well, hell...when I announced I was thinking about shutting down my blog, a number of people "came out of the woodwork" and told me they loved my blog but just didn't like to comment.

I guess that's true 'cause they still don't make any cock-a-doodie comments!

I use the term "cock-a-doodie" when I'm upset, because that's the word Kathy Bates used in the terrifying movie "Misery" when SHE was upset, and it still sends chills up my spine (or is it DOWN my spine) when I think about it!

Where was I?

Oh, yeah...my Yorkie...Benji.

Will he never stop peeing!

That cock-a-doodie pup NEEDS to go out every two hours, and I take him on a twenty minute walk each time, where he pees and pees and pees and pees on EVERYTHING!

Then, he comes back in the house and pees on his pee pads that we have to put down, because he would pee on the carpet if they weren't there!

The cock-a-doodie little cur!!

On the other hand, he's worth it, because he's so stinking adorable!

See for yourself:

Now, come on, I'm not one to bring politics in to my blog, but don't you think Obama looks like Alfred E. Newman? Be honest!

Okay, here I am driving a bunch of my family members on a long trip, and I'm tired and need someone to talk to me, and keep me awake and alert, so that everyone gets to the destination in a safe manner! 

Riiiight?!!

Wrong!! Everyone is on their stupid electronical devices, texting, or on line, or playing a COCK-A-DOODIE game designed to make COCK-A-DOODIE beeping sounds, to drive me, the innocent driver... NUTS!!

Well...okay...I feel much better now.

I hope you have a calm, soothing, relaxing Thoughtful Thursday!

I love you! 

Especially, Marty and Yellow Rose!!

OUT OF THIS WORLD WEDNESDAYS

For 2013 years now, since the Glirkazoids crash landed on this planet we like to call earth, they have been working their little pharters off to help us develop a higher level of technology, peace, love, happiness, contentment, and good stuff like that!

It goes without saying that we earthlings have taken the technology part and ran with it!

As for the peace/love stuff, we have failed them miserably!

The Glirkazoids landed at the same time as Jesus,

They wanted to help us,

They tried hard to please us.

They taught us great things ,

That were simply terrific,

Amazing cool wonders,

But let's be specific.

Bicycles, banjos, and sweet bubble gum,

That's what they created ,

So we could have fun!

Candy canes, crayons, and small wind up toys,

Barbies for girls,

And baseballs for boys.

(They were gender specific)

They thought, if they could,

Make all earth folk happy,

To thus end their wars,

Which make life really crappy.

They gave us computers, and one Smother's brother,

It was Tommy who taught us,

To laugh at each other.

They guided our most favorite people of peace,

Like Gandhi, and King, and Mother Terese...a.

But we did not learn from all of their wisdom,

That's why they will bring a great cataclysm!

Not sudden destruction and fire from above,

No, the Glirkazoids bring us a shower of love.

Even though we are stubborn and always rebel,

They don't want us to suffer like we were in hell.

They bring us pure joy, 

And want no more pouting,

They want no more fighting,

They want no more shouting.

You might think it's strange,

And maybe quite odd,

But don't they remind you,

Of someone named God?!

BURMA SHAVE

TRAVELIN' TUESDAYS

Keep on truckin' baby,

With the feet God gave me,

Or in a car, I can traverse far,

To California, maybe.

I ain't takin' no plane,

The process drives me insane,

Gettin' felt up by a dude with no brain,

I'd rather take a choo-choo train.

Let me explain,

On a train, ya got no hassles,

Watch the cows go by,

And eat White Castles,

Wear what you want,

Even dat hat from Spain with the tassels!

Read 99 Beers Off The Wall,

By Marty Wombacher, the best of all,

Take my worm for it,

I don't lie,

Read dat book, and you'll laugh 'till you cry.

How ya gonna read it whilst drivin'?

Try dat gig, and you'll be dead on arrivin'!

There are so many ways to travel,

Here's the list dat we'll start to unravel:

A donkey cart,

But dats not too smart,

It gets real bad,

When he starts to fart.

A bicycle is handy,

You might think it's fine and dandy,

But it won't make your girlfriend "randy."

It's a "vette" dat gives your girl incentive,

To kiss your face and be inventive!

If you really want a trip,

Just jump on to my rocket ship,

10, 9, 8, and 7,

The blast off takes you up to heaven!

I left the best for last...intentional,

The coolest trips are inter-dimentional,

Through a worm hole,

Out the other side,

Hang on to your "tussie",

You're in for a ride!

But watch out for the "worm",

As you travel through time,

If you hit him you'll get a substantial fine.

If convicted in court,

Before the judge drops his gavel,

Just tell him this story,

About the "worm" and time travel,

I guarantee this,

Cause it happened to me,

He'll let you off,

Due to insanity!

BURMA SHAVE