SPACE ALIENS LAND IN PEORIA!!! 

Lady Gaga Admits To Being A Man !

Born This Way?

YOKO ONO ADMITS TO BEING A WOMAN !

                       She sure fooled me?

RADIO PERSONALITY, GREG BATTON,  CONFESSES TO RECEIVING A HEAD TRANSPLANT !! 

Some heady stuff, huh?

ARCHEOLOGISTS DISCOVER SKULL OF ANCIENT "WOMBACHER MAN" IN SALOON BASEMENT! 

                                     This video does not depict actuall skull of Wombacher Man.

 BUDWEISER BEER MAY CAUSE GUMBY WORSHIP! 

ILLINOIS CONGRESS POISED TO BAN EVERYTHING!!! 

ILLINOIS VOTERS POISED TO BAN CONGRESS! 

SCIENTISTS RECEIVE GRANT OF 1 TRILLION DOLLARS TO STUDY LARFING! 

GUESS WHO?

LION ESCAPES FROM PEORIA ZOO AND ROAMS DOWNTOWN PEORIA! THEN RETURNS TO THE ZOO OUT OF SHEER BOREDOM! 

WORMS HEAR, OR WORMS HERE; If you own a WORM RANCH! 

              Sqiggly Wiggly Home Worm Ranch

BIG AL claims he's been gay since childhood!

No big surprise, was it?

My apologies to Marty Wombacher for totally ripping off his blog style!

I won't let it happen again, but it was a blast!!!

http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/

The Wonderful World Of Wombacher

I have very few friends because I stupidly say dumb things without thinking how idiotic they sound to normal individuals like you.

Marty Wombacher is a true friend ,

http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/

because he is one of the rare birds that understands my ridiculous style of humor and nonsense. 

I want to thank him, at this frozen moment in tom, for mentioning my blog in his blog. (Yes, I meant to write tom, I'm weird that way) 

http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/ 

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to read something so funny it makes you laugh your guts out on the parking lot, click on this link http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/, but beware you don't become addicted to this man's inimitable wit and stylish vulgarity, so prevalent four score and seven years ago! Just so as you don't forget, I'll give you a link to his blog below:

http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/ 

Sigh uh nah ruh,

Danny

Priceless Family Video Of Love And Funny

This video may be boring to the average, unrelated video watcher, but if you are part of my family, it will be a priceless piece of family history, in about 50 years. 

I'm posting this on my blog for posterity sake, because I'm pretty sure it will not be very entertaining to any of my blog readers.

 So, non-family bloggies are not required to watch the video.

Disclaimer: Any and all participants/watchers of this blog are forewarned that any boredom, disgust, profound sleepiness, and/or yawning is not the responsibility of the creator, producer, or director of this video, blog, and/or historical time capsule.  (Is that how capsule is spelled?) I should know, I've taken enough of them!

Sooo, anyway, here it is: 

Christmas Came Early At Our House 

 Donna has to work on Christmas day, so we had our Christmas gathering on Dec. 22 .

You may notice that all my family members are cute while I'm ugly and fugley!

That is because I lucked out, and married into an extremely attractive family!

Imagine what they would look like with MY genes, or even my bib overalls!

I have to go pick up Donna from work now! Merry Christmas Eve !!!!

Peggy Makes Annual Christmas Visit To The GREG AND DAN Radio Show

The lovable little Latvian, Peggy, made his annual Christmas call to the Greg and Dan Radio Show today! (I do the voice of Peggy, but that's between you and me)

My good buddy, Greg Batton is crazy enough to allow me to be on his show from tom to tom. (Pleeease, let's leave tom out of this for a change!)

Anyway , Peggy wished everyone a Merry Christmas, and Happy Gork and Donny Days (That's what they call the Greg and Dan Show in Latvia), AND a Merry Mayan End Of World Days.

Click on the link for the complete, geniune, hilarious segment of the Mighty Greg and Dan Show, if you have the guts!!

http://jmpradio.com/pods/gd/Podcast1217/Peggy Christmas_122112.mp3

 So Angry With Myself When I Forget To Blog!

I know that all of my devoted fans wait breathlessly every day to read my side-splitting, hilarious blog, and catch one of my new videos that I usually include in the mix!

So, how disappointed you must have been yesterday when you ran to your computer, typed in http://www.dannymaness.blogspot.com. and I had completely forgotten to do my blog! 

So, I'll have to make up for it today, and give you a Lollapaloozer of a blog post with a bunch of stuff!

 I hear that Peggy is going to call in to the Mighty Greg and Dan radio show tomorrow, so I don't want to miss that!

I feel loved by two of my favorite YouTubers, Yoz and the Mighty Tulleuchen!
I watched my beautiful and talented granddaughter (Brooklin) sing in the Christmas thing with her fellow classmates!
Benji (The Wonder Dog) went poo-poo outside, instead of inside!
And all's right with the worm! (And that can be very important)

http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/

Click ON THAT LINK ABOVE

The great and powerful,  "Marty Wombacher" was kind enough to post my blog within his blog that had my new jingle I wrote for the Greg and Dan Radio Show. 

Just click on it and find out how amazingly talented we both are.

It's at the top of the page, in purple, and looks like http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/.

Marty Wombacher is a world traveling, man about town, bon vivant, BUT, a regular, beer drinking guy, who never won the Congressional Medal Of Honor, but is a fricken' hero in my eyes, because he survived 19 (count them) years in NEW YORK CITY!!! AAARG!!!

When I was just starting my writing career he lifted me up (a monumental task), and encouraged me to keep writing my weird and wacky, uh, writings, and now I'm internationally famous, in my imagination.

Enough about me, It is vital to our national security that you read Marty's blog http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/ every single day, and decipher the secret code embedded within his hysterical, whimsical world of words. 
The ancient astronaut archaeological dig at Punta Funta, Chile, discovered  stone tablets that are the exact replica of his book, 99 Beers Off The Wall, and carvings that depict someone that looks eerily like Marty, engaged in human sacrifice. Coincidence? Me think not!

The survival of mankind depends on cracking the alien code that is subliminally incoded in his really funny blog

http://www.meanwhilebackinpeoria.com/.

soooo, time is of the essence, 'cause baby, when yo dead yo dead!

Have a nice day!

I Wrote A New Jingle For The Greg And Dan Radio Show! Here it is:

Things have been working out really good for me lately, so I'm wondering when the DISASTER is gonna hit me, as it always does! See how paranoid I am? 

Greg and Dan are planning on using the second jingle I wrote for their radio show (the other one is their Wednesday Funsday jingle), the great Marty Wombacher moved back to Peoria, (my friend, and the funniest writer I know), the song I sang at the Christmas program at Christ Bible Church went well, and the numbness in my feet is getting much better! ( LOL!)

Christmas is only a few days away, and God has blessed us with a warm home, food, a car , Benji, The Wonder Dog, and YouTube!

However, how long is all this good stuff gonna last, hmmmmm? 

I'm worried!

MARTY WOMBACHER 

Marty Wombacher is the funniest guy I know! 

He wrote two books that were side splittingly, funny! 

"The Boy Who Would Be A Firetruck" and "99 Beers Off The Wall."

He is originally from Peoria, but moved to New York City for 19 years, and now is back here! 

Hallelujah! 

He has a new blog at "Meanwhile, Back In Peoria.com.

http://www.trippingwithmarty.com/almost-live-from-new-york-city/2012/12/10/meanwhile-back-in-peoria.html
Welcome back Marty!
You are the best!

The Spirit Of Christmas Past

The wonder and magic of the Christmas season is something that was real to most of us in our childhood. 

We delighted in Christmas morning, when it seemed as if the Christmas tree was glowing with an illumination ten times brighter than the colored lights could have produced. 

The Christmas story of Mary and Joseph was so vivid in our little imaginations that we could feel what they went through in traveling to Bethlehem, being turned away at the motel, and having to sleep in a barn. 

We felt the fear and awe that the shepards felt when the super bright Angels appeard to them in multitudes and sang really loud, and the wise men brought Jesus gifts , and we knew what gold was, but not the other two things. 

What is my point? 

Well, when you start getting real old, like me, all those childlike feelings start coming back to you, and that's really cool!!!

I Am So Weird And Insecure!

If I was ever blessed with fortune and fame, and had a billion fans who adored me, and I gave a concert with 75,000 of my cheering fans in attendance, and afterwards, just one person came up to me with mild criticism of my performance, I would be depressed for days! 

THAT is how insecure I am!!

Why do I tell you this?

I had 1 thumbs down on my O Holy Night video and I feel heartbroken! 

That is really weird! 

I have no idea who the person is, if he/she is tone deaf, or even watched the whole thing, but I still get upset! 

I wish I was more confident in myself. 

 Want To Feel Happy?...Well, Do Ya, Punk?

My goal today is to make you happy, so I'm going to post 2 videos on my blog that will surely put a big ole smile on your face!

They will take your mind off the "Fiscal Cliff", and everything!

Don't think of me inviting you to watch the videos, think of Clint Eastwood suggesting you watch them, with the most powerful handgun in the world pointing at your whimpering head!

So, do you want to feel happy? Well, do ya, punk?

I thought so.

Christmas Fun For Everyone?

Is Christmas fun for everyone? 

It seems like there are too many people who stress themselves out by taking the season way too seriously!

The perfect tree, the best light display, the coolest gifts, the most popular Christmas party, and by the time Christmas comes they are worn out, depressed, disgusted, and disgruntled!

I would rather be happy and have a "Charlie Brown" tree, like I have, than be crabby with a magnificently perfect "show tree!"

Now, I understand that there are some folks who can do the flawless Christmas with no stress or worries. That's cool.

However, if we are so wrapped up in creating the BEST Christmas that it makes us cry, is it worth it!

Joy, laughter, fun, songs, telling stories, telling jokes, hugging grandchildren...doesn't cost a thing, and I believe, is the BEST part of Christmas!

One of the saddest things I can think of are the people on "Black Friday" who, with shameless greed, fight and claw their way into the store for a stupid gift for a spoiled kid!

Maybe that's their way of having fun, but "black" is a good description of the dark, unloving attitude they display on that day.

How about buying or even MAKING something meaningful as a gift, that does not include virtual manslaughter!

I know I'm old fashioned, and living in my memories of Christmas in the old days when family and friends would just drop in unannounced, and that was perfectly okay, the Christmas season didn't start until AFTER Thanksgiving, and the Christmas T.V. specials were really SPECIAL, by airing very close to Christmas day!

Yes, I'm an old "fuddy duddy," just blowing off some steam, and probably no one will ever read this, but I feel happy now! HA!!

Merry Christmas EVERYONE and have FUN!!!!

Classic Christmas T.V. For Baby Boomers!

We all know that the greatest Christmas shows were the ones from our childhood! 

For "baby boomers" it was Suzy Snowflake...Hardrock, Coco, and Joe...and The Night Before Christmas. 

If you still have that childlike Christmas spirit that you had back in the 50's you will love these featured clips! 

If you've turned into the evil Grinch...heaven help you!

Suzy Snowflake (Stop motion animation)

Twas the Night Before Christmas (puppetoon)

Hardrock, Coco, and Joe (Stop motion animation)

The Night Before Christmas (Live Action and Animation)

THE CHRISTMAS FEELING 

Do you get that Christmas feeling in your belly at this time of the year? I do not feel it in my head, or even in my heart, it is in my belly! 

A warm, soothing, feeling, full of the nostalgia of every Christmas we have ever experienced. 

The lights and decorations have an important role in bringing it on, however, it's the music that does it for me the most.

It is the same feeling I had as a child when my pretty teacher would come over to my desk, put her pretty hand on my shoulder, and help me with a problem. 

I know there is really no connection here, but it's the same "belly" thing. 

When I am driving at night and going past all the beauteous colored lights and listening to "Hark hear the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say, throw cares away...", I have that "belly" feeling so strong it's better than getting high on some illegal drug! 

It is magnificent!

Am I the only one that feels that feeling, or are you nuts too?

I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND

My virgin of Healing Rain is way more powerful and real than M.W. Smith's virgin, in my own, unbiased, humble opinion.

You are probably wondering why I'm talking about virgins, huh?

Well, I used to be one, and so did you, if you can remember that far back.

Anyway, uh, where was I, oh, yeah, motorcycles! 

I think everyone who rides a motorcycle has a death wish! Come on, no seat belts, no padded dash, no air bags, no protective frame around you, no heat in the winter, no air conditioning in the summer, no nuthin' honey!!

Well, that's all I have tom for, 'cause I have to go to church!

Dig this song:

Healing Rain by Michael W. Smith (COVER)

I really don't know if I'm a good singer anymore.  I can only go by what people tell me.

At church they say they like my singing, but they love me there.

I get a lot of nice comments from YouTubers on my songs and singing, however, they want to receive nice comments from me about THEIR music.

My closest friends and family members are on Facebook, and I hardly ever get a like or comment on my music anymore.

Frankly, I don't get much of a response on anything I post.

Am I getting so old and senile I don't realize I'm over the hill?

I have seen that happen with a lot of bands and singers.

No one has the guts to tell them they're no good anymore, and they keep embarrassing themselves over and over again.

Is that how you feel about me? 

It would be nice to know.

Danny

Just one more thing before we leave this fairyland of
snow and holly.
(for a good time call Holly", 555-1222).
I had the weirdest dream when I was about 13 years old.
It was a hot August night. Not a soul was in sight. They
all went out for "dreamsicles”) – get it, dreamsicles.
I was, uncharacteristically watching television.
Anyway, I think it was a dream.
I mean, it had to be because it was so strange!
Yeah, sure it was. I should know a dream from reality.
Well, as I was trying to explain, (before I was rudely
interrupted by myself.)
The television started getting a little snowy. Then the
snowy screen got more snowy.
All of a sudden, dad’s image popped up through the
snow. Astonishingly, he was wearing a Santa suit! (Do you see
why this had to be a dream?)
Dad said, "I’m talking to you by way of the television
because it's the purest form of communication and you
always have your nose up against the screen, anyway."

"Here's the 'skinny". I am the one and only ,true-blue,
often imitated, never duplicated, jolly old St. Nick.
Me- Who?
Dad- “I'm Santa!” “The reason I act like I hate
Christmas is to hide my true identity.” “ Throw everyone off
my trail, slip 'em a "red herring", so to speak.”
Me- a red what?
Dad - Never mind.
Me -But your Christmas anger
seems so real!
Dad - Well, to be honest, sometimes it is. The stress
can be enormous when you stop and consider PETA on my
butt for reindeer abuse, F.B.I. investigations, Delta Force
raids.
Yeah, I know stress like I know the bottom of a pool
table, (echo), pool table, (more echo), poool taaable, (a heck
of alot of echo).
Dad’s image started getting wavy, wavier, more wavier,
fading, fading out, out, bye bye.
Now, at this point, I thought everything I had just
experienced was real. But, it had to be a dream! Right?
Or,maybe not! Oh, I don't know.

I perceived a Class 5, no, a Class 7, Glirkazoid warship in
the X-mas sky.
I smiled when I discerned a string of blinking Christmas
lights wrapped around the qwaatz tower.
The multi-colored lights illuminated a Rudolf the
Reindeer stuffed animal, hanging from the cull shield.
(I will do my best to provide you with a diagram of a
Glirkazoid spaceship, so you can better visualize these technical
references.)
The Glirkazoids love Christmas because they actually
met Jesus and believe he is,quote: "The genesis and eternal
fountain of all knowledge, wisdom and compassion.”
Another reason they love Christmas is because they love candy canes. (unfortunately, for some unknown reason, candy canes get them high.)
After just a couple of licks they all get into their
spaceships and fly over Arizona in triangular formations.
Go figure. (I think it's the equivalent of mooning someone
from your car).

Let me share something that totally amazed me.
My dad was a good man. Really!
However, Christmas made him angry, upset, frustrated,
foul mouthed, and belligerent.
O.K., now, here is what amazed me.
When dad visited his mother around Christmas, he was a
perfect angel.
No cursing, no smoking, no drinking., Why, he was even in
a good mood! (at least, he pretended to be).
How did he turn it on and off like that? He never
slipped up, either!
Listen to how dad sounded when he stubbed his toe at
home - "G.D. son-of-a-bleep and bleepers!)
Now listen: to how he sounded if he stubbed his toe at
his mommies house, - Oh, shucks, Excuse me for such harsh
language.
Dad, at home- Hey, you! Bring me my cigarettes and a
beer and then pull my finger.
Dad, at his mommies place - Oh, how I deplore those
wicked, wicked souls who partake of "demon" beer and
cancer sticks, mommie dearest. (the Academy award goes to
Dad for the best performance in a Christmas setting.)

Christmas was fast approaching and we knew dad's
brothers would be coming to visit. Silas and Elzie and
families.
Dad frequently mocked their "holier than thou"
attitude. (whether they had one or not).
Sooooo, we decided to give dad an early Christmas
present.
Nancy, Dee-Dee and me wrote a song that we were sure
dad would love.
Silas and Elzie dropped in right before Christmas and
brought their families along.
After everyone got "hunkered down" (a little Ozarkian
verbal acrobatics for ya) we asked dad if we could sing a
song.
"Is it a Christmas song,”he asked, in a mildly
threatening way.
“Oh, no!” Nancy explained. " It's a song we wrote about
Silas and Elzie.”
Well, everyone agreed that this was appropriate and
timely, so dad gave us his personal o.k.
Soooooooo, we started singing (to the tune of the Ballad of
Jed Clampett).

Uncle Si and Uncle Elzie,
always go to church,
but guess which people,
are the worst,
We may not go to church,
or Sunday school,
but we know the "golden rule".
Hallelujah, brothers,
Hallelujah!
Save you sinners, brothers,
Save you sinners!
On the hallelujah part we started dancing, jumping up
and down, waving our arms in the air and rolling our eyes
back, like typical "holy rollers".
Well, remember how I said that we thought dad would
like the song?
Do you remember the movie, "Billy Jack"? The part
where the "rednecks” poured flour on the little girl's head
and Billy Jack went berserk?
My dad got that mad!( In fact, nobody thought the song
was funny except mom who ran to the bathroom and laughed
her "you know what" off.)
Fortunately, dad got into the eggnog (spiked with Jack
Daniels) when the 'bible thumpers" left, and forgot the

whole incident.

We always got a real Christmas tree. It wasn't really
Christmas without a real evergreen tree like Jesus had.
It was purchased around Dec. 1 every year. (dad would
say he stole it off the lot). It was taken down on New
Years day.
Needless to say, when we took it outside and put a
match to the sucker, it simply exploded like raw gasoline.
I looked forward to that each year.
It is nothing short of a miracle that we didn't have a
major fire in our home with mom and dad smoking their Pall
Malls, candles, and me, loving the whole concept of beautiful
fire.

The heartwarming Christmas carols we used to sing
were the highlight of the festivities.
Some of my favorites were, "We three kings of are we
in tar?” 
Also, "see the snow bunch, hear the kids crunch", and “Deck the house with kitty vomit". 
The mandatory,” 0 Tannenbomb.”
Mom loved to dress us in lederhosen when we
sang that song.
"Grandma got run over by a reindeer" was a must, and
we would traditionally end the concert by barking out "Doggy
Jingle Bells.”
The melodious and serendipitous harmonies coming
from our uvulated, virgin throats, produced a sweet angelic
sound that touched the hearts of people standing around,
as well as any wild beasts that may have been lurking
nearby.
Oh, my yes! These were the wonderful, traditional,
ancient and contemporary Christmas songs so fondly
adored by the Glirkazoids. (they said, “Doggy Jingle
Bells”can blow your mind after snorting crushed candy
cane, TOTALLY!)
My dad, of course, despised every "golden" note
coming from our precious wittle mouths. (I don’t know why
you keep saying my dad was bad! He was just Christmasly
challenged.)

More Christmas Stuff From "Chickens' Butts And Coconuts.

I perceived a Class 5, no, a Class 7, Glirkazoid warship in

the X-mas sky.

I smiled when I discerned a string of blinking Christmas

lights wrapped around the qwaatz tower.

The multi-colored lights illuminated a Rudolf the

Reindeer stuffed animal, hanging from the "cull shield".

(I will do my best to provide you with a diagram of a

Glirkazoid spaceship, so you can better visualize these technical

references.)

The Glirkazoids love Christmas because they actually met Jesus and believe he is, quote: "The genesis and eternal

fountain of all knowledge, wisdom and compassion.”

Christmas Hollerdays,,,from my book Chickens'Butts and Coconuts

I can't remember mom ever buying a decoration for the tree. They were all heirlooms or something made by the kids in school.

(I made the world's ugliest ornament by putting paper

mache on a potato, painting it white, and dabbing red spots

on it. ( My mom cherished it.)

The ornaments were old, faded and chipped. They

ranged from big round ones, the size of a grapefruit, `to

very small, like a cherry. Then, there were the long, slender

ones-that, I think, were supposed to look like the Christmas

star. They had real fragile centers that would disintegrate

at the slightest touch. (whoops, there goes another one,

Sorry!)

We had some paper chains, popcorn strings, tinsel, and a

well worn silver star on top.

We believed with all our heart, that we had the most

beautiful tree in town.

When brother Dick got married and moved out, he got

an aluminum tree that had a color wheel that reflected

three different colors in succession.

We viewed it as a sacrilege,

A real Christmas required a real Christmas tree!

Christmas Eve. St. Louis. Circa 1960.

Outside the frosted kitchen window (by the way, the

frost looked like little white pine trees or tiny little

ferns that God painted around the edges of the pane of

glass).

I saw the misty hoar frost upon the lawn (not to be confused

with "hooker" frost), and suddenly, huge snowflakes

(about the size of pit-bull puppies), started falling down, oh,

so gently.

Down, down, down, then up a little and down again and; a

little to the left, then right a wee bit, rocking to and fro in

the sacred Christmas wind that once cooled the manger

where Jesus slept so adorably.

Pure, white, pristine, unadulterated snow. (about three

feet deep, according to the bicycle handlebars).

The porch light revealed hidden "diamonds" in the

frozen white "angel's dandruff", while a bunny had to hop

way up and down, way up and down, to transmigrate himself

(or herself) through the deep cold pile of a billion unique and

completely individual, snowflakes.

CHAPTER 10
Christmas - “Holler" days
Harken to the joyous sounds, sights and smells of the
Christmas of yesteryear. Yuletide carols, sleigh bells
tinkling profusely in the crisp, crystalline air that crackles
ever so gently on your lips and eyelashes.
"Doggy Jingle Bells" playing on a distant unseen radio.
The snapping and popping of an old Ozark stone
fireplace as hickory logs send their sweet Christmas
perfume through the halls and doorways of an antique log
cabin home filled with everlasting Christmas spirit.
This, my good and faithful friends, was not what Christmas
was like in my childhood.
My dad hated Chris----------------------